All medieval paintings of babies look like somebody shrank an accountant:
"Christ, Antichrist, same diff."
But why? Were there no available babies to use as models? Were medieval babies just seriously disturbing?
Walters Art Museum
Was prenatal ab care a big deal back then?
Actually, the man-babies were an intentional decision. At the time, society was set on the idea of the "homuncular Jesus" -- Christ being born a man, and only growing in size as he got older. That way, Jesus was always perfect, unchanging, and dignified. We get it. It's difficult to accept the idea that your savior was once a mewling baby, crapping himself and throwing SpaghettiOs at mom. But the unintentional end result of saying "He was always a cool dude" was the Divine Infant looking like he's about to buy a convertible in every portrait.
And Mom never seems that into him.
Since an overwhelming number of paintings at the time were commissioned by the Church, the strange depiction of man-baby Jesus became the "right" way to paint babies in general. Hence all medieval babies looking like they needed a few hours away from Carol and the kids.
The trend passed with time, presumably when somebody pointed out that baby-abs were way more unsettling than Jesus potentially spitting up on the Virgin Mary. Soon, he was once again depicted as a pinchable li'l cherub, art learned a valuable lesson, and it never did anything weird again.
Rachel P. dares you to follow her on Twitter @plehcar.
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Last Halloween, the Cracked Podcast creeped you out with tales of ghost ships, mysteriously dead people, and a man from one of the most famous paintings in U.S. history who years later went all Jack Nicholson in The Shining on his family. This October, Jack and the Cracked staff are back with special guest comedians Ryan Singer, Eric Lampaert, and Anna Seregina to share more unsettling and unexplained true tales of death, disappearance, and the great beyond. Get your tickets for this LIVE podcast here!