Drug Rings Are Conspiring To Spy On You At All Times
It started at a bar, with me making conversation with a couple out-of-towners, who eventually asked me if I liked drugs. "Sure," I said, "I smoke a little weed now and then." When the time came to leave, one of the guys handed me a hand-rolled cigar, repaying me for all the cigarettes they had bummed off me while we drank. I made it home and smoked the thing while sitting on my porch. It did taste kind of weird -- something about the way a cigar is rolled just changes the tobacco, I thought.
"Huh. This must be what Cuban fingers taste like."
I went inside and started flipping channels. I felt perfectly normal. The Departed popped up, and there's nothing like catching the start of a great movie you've already seen a hundred times. "What is it that I'm here for?" asked Leo's character. "We play with appearances here," answered President Bartlet. "With what seems to be. I'll ask you again, do you want to be a cop, or do you want to be seen as one?"
I thought, That kind of sums up everything, doesn't it? Everyone lies, including all those people on the street who are secretly cops and all those cops in their cars who are secretly something else. And what about those coworkers of mine? Why the fuck does Sharon keep staring at me for, and what does she keep typing into that cellphone? And she talks to Austin, doesn't she? They're working together -- together against me. And how did I not even notice until now?!?
Look they even have a spy camera to send pictures to their handler.
But, one piece was still unclear: How did those guys in the bar fit into all this? They had to, somehow -- it couldn't just be a coincidence. Wait, of course. The drugs. I knew there was something weird about that drug question. There was a drug ring behind it all, they were running my company, and that explained everything.