Pretty much everything on this week's list should be the basis of a nursery rhyme. Stubby the war dog. Nazi potato beetles. Duff McKagan's hooch-engorged pancreas. The works.
Yeah, but...but...but there was Hall & Oates though!
By 1943, Nazi scientists had numerous, highly-effective bioweapons tested and ready to go. But they were never used -- because one man stopped the whole thing cold.
"The Nazis had already carried out a series of bizarre insect-related tests, at one point even toying with the idea of releasing up to 40 million weaponized potato beetles over England's crops."
And when it's 120 degrees in Baghdad like right now, nobody is outside who doesn't have to be.
Danny Torrance would probably argue this headline. But still, pretty creepy.
"It turns out the twins had even more similarities: They both had dogs named 'Toy' as kids. They both got headaches at the same time of day."
Stubby was most certainly a very, very good boy.
"After being hit by a chlorine attack, he became very sensitive to the smell of gas. So much so that he could accurately detect it in the air before it hit lethal dosage, barking like a maniac until the soldiers put their masks on."
Ok, not good. But she made up for it with the drink.
"Come on, don't act surprised. They're called cockleshells for God's sake."
West Virginia, Land of Hotel Secret Bunkers.
"Similar government bunkers could be anywhere. If they were able to slip one under this beast of a hotel--a place so public it's actually a tourist destination--there's no telling where else they were able to hide the others."
Guns N' Roses' Duff McKagan drank so much booze that his pancreas exploded, causing third-degree burns INSIDE his goddamned body - and inspiring the name of Homer Simpson's favorite brew.
"In a habit formed from spending so much time trapped in a confined space with Axl Rose (that's not a joke--that's actually the reason), McKagan used to spend his days in GNR trapped in a perpetual whirlwind of cocaine and a daily half-gallon of vodka."
And then, if you get more money, your taste buds are now wired to go straight for the bad stuff.
"None of us will eat homemade macaroni and cheese. If it doesn't come out of a box, it tastes weird. And the list is a mile long. We've eaten these things for so long, we've grown to PREFER them to the fresh version."
You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.
Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.
The news spent weeks reporting on these giant scandals without bothering to mention the stupidest parts.
Being at the top of your game can really drag you down.