A Teen Gets Away With Manslaughter Because He Was "Too Wealthy"
One summer night in 2013, 16-year-old Ethan Couch and his friends stole two cases of beer from a Texas Walmart, used said beer to get irrevocably drunk, then went out driving. Meanwhile, somewhere down the road, 24-year-old Breanna Mitchell was changing a flat tire with the help of good Samaritans Hollie Boyles, her daughter Shelby, and Brian Jennings, a youth pastor.
Jesus, that's such an overblown setup that you'd roll your eyes if you saw it in a MADD commercial.
Alsbury Baptist Church
"They kill off Brian, a dad of three, on Father's Day? Waaayyy too on the nose, guys."
Exactly what you think would happen happened. Couch's truck slammed into Boyles's party, flinging all four of them nearly 200 feet through the air and killing them instantly. Couch found himself in court pretty much as soon as he was sober enough to stand trial.
And that's when his gold-plated lawyer reached up his own ass and pulled out the most ridiculous defense possible: Couch's family was so very rich, and his parents were so very indulgent of his dickish behavior, that he was never properly taught that actions have consequences.
"I call this affliction 'affluenza.'"
No, seriously. That's what he called it.
Somehow everyone in the courtroom stifled their laughter long enough for the defense to call Dr. G. Dick Miller, who recalled a time in 2012 when Couch's parents completely neglected to punish him after he was discovered by police in the back of his pickup truck with an unconscious (and naked) 14-year-old girl.
The prosecution wouldn't even need to present a case against this kid, they'd just need to stand up and go "what he said."