9 Insane Animal Scenes You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped
At this point, we shouldn't be surprised by anything nature does. She's like a meth addict whose drug-fueled rampages unfold in slow motion and span millions of years. And yet, as we've shown once before, we are continually shocked by nature's shenanigans. We're just totally in denial after witnessing scenes like ...
A Crocodile Eating a Shark
Doing the Crocodile Rock isn't as much fun as the song suggests.
No cheap tricks here; that's not a foam shark prop or anything. Apparently, sharks and crocodiles do encounter one another occasionally, and that goes about as well as you could expect. Bull sharks aren't terribly big -- roughly 8 feet long on average -- so they can be found just about anywhere with water. The poor sap above chose to enter the muddy lair of Brutus, a giant crocodile with a strong anti-shark bias due to one of them possibly biting off his limb when he was younger. When Brutus saw the intruder, he grabbed the shark, dragged him on to land, and began chewing on him. After a short while, he brought the shark back into the water, because nobody likes eating dry meat. So there you go: crocodiles understand revenge.
"I'm the only one that gets to take hands, motherfucker."
Or else crocodiles will just eat everything they see and even sharks don't stand a chance. You decide which worries you more.
A Landscape Made Out of Penguins
Touching down on Planet Pollock.
Dirty snow? Some sort of mass blooming plant? What are we looking at here? Zoom. Enhance.
Oh, wow, are those people, organizing for some sort of mass protest?
Nope: penguins. We tend to think only humans and maybe some insects organize in colonies so massive. But you're looking at a penguin metropolis. Or, if you prefer, the million-penguin march, in fact. This shot was taken by Andy Rouse in a passing helicopter, and it captures the king penguin colony of South Georgia. There, adults instinctively gather their brown-stain babies and huddle them together to keep them warm. Once the chicks are secure, the grown-ups go hunting for fish, more fish, and (if the kids are really good) fish for dessert.
Made with a mother's love ... and stomach bile.
An Octopus Eating a Bird
Those are seagull wings, and that smudge of crimson murder right below the surface is a very hungry octopus. This battle between the elements took place at Ogden Point in Victoria, British Columbia, and started when the gull touched down on the water looking for scraps to eat. Instead, it found a giant Pacific octopus with a hankering for poultry. The octopus grabbed the gull and, while using a nearby rock to hold itself in place, drowned the poor birdie in under a minute.
Virtually no Pacific octopi make it to adulthood, but the ones that do ain't nothin' to fuck with.
Witnesses saw wings protruding above the water, because apparently those are tastiest and so are saved for last. The octopus got to the wings eventually, pulling the entire body under. Turns out an octopus' garden is not, in fact, where you want to be.
What's next, Ringo? Are submarines not really yellow? Where do your lies end, Ringo?
A Housecat Stalking a Bear
"Shit in the woods? I just shit myself."
Jack, the adorable little tabby you initially overlooked down there at the bottom of the picture, isn't just staring at a bear chilling in the trees -- he chased that bear up there. A territorial animal who never forgot his lion roots, Jack noticed the bear wandering in his backyard, hissed loudly, and charged. Remember, a cat's hiss is its poisonous-snake impression, and bears don't like poison any more than you do. So up the tree he went, cowering there until Jack apparently got bored and trotted away.
Figuring the coast was clear, the bear climbed back down ... only to have Jack spring seemingly from nowhere and give chase again. Up another tree the bear went, learning very quickly that just because the warden goes to lunch doesn't mean the prisoner's earned his freedom. Just to reiterate: Jack the cat wasn't bluffing that bear. He didn't suddenly realize he was technically food to this thing and leave -- he wanted a piece of that bear so bad that he pretended to leave and hid for an ambush.
A Zebra Taking Down a Lion
Not even Madagascar is safe from the gritty reboot trend.
We're so used to the roles of these animals being reversed that, at first, it seems like you're looking at the cover for Drag Me to Hell: Safari Edition. But no: you're really looking at a zebra straight jacking up that lion's Christmas. The lion initially jumped the zebra and clamped down on its neck, but rather than resigning itself to food status, Zebra Hulk dragged the lion to deep water and held that sucker underwater like a veldt hitman.
"Long live the king."
Eventually, the lion managed to break free, but it was too exhausted to pursue the zebra, which got away with only superficial wounds. The lion returned to its pride for a lifetime of mockery.
An Elephant and Her Lizard-Club
Timothy the Mouse's death turned Dumbo into a complete asshole.
That looks like a real good day to be an elephant, and a real bad day to be a lizard. For the record, that's a real elephant whipping a real lizard around, much like we would whip our socks about and pretend they're nunchucks. There's no real story here; the elephant, named Madhuri, was grazing when she noticed a monitor lizard hanging around and figured things would be way more fun if the lizard was spinning about in terror. For days on end, she kept her living toy firmly in her trunk, subjecting it to impromptu pendulum rides, whether it wanted them or not (spoiler: it did not).
On the plus side, the lines for this ride are super short.
Sometimes, she would throw the lizard into the air and catch it like a demented Pizza Hut employee. Other times, she would let it drop to the ground, only to quickly pick it up again and continue the most whimsical torture session ever. When she finally got bored, she let the lizard stumble away with a story that the other lizards would never believe.
Chimpanzees Holding a Wake
Dunston Checks Out
This must be a case of anthropomorphization, right? Those chimps can't truly understand what death means and mourn it like we do? That's ... way too heartbreaking.
Sorry, but it's time to put away your Internet Porn Kleenex and get out your Internet Depression Kleenex. Apparently, chimps may understand mortality and grieve for other chimps, at least in this case. That dead chimpanzee is Dorothy, who spent 25 to 40 years stuck in a carnival sideshow before being rescued and given an actual home, at the Sanaga-Yong Chimpanzee Rescue Center in Cameroon. Dorothy lived out the rest of her life there in peace, before finally succumbing to heart disease. Above is her funeral procession.
The normally noisy and hooty clan was unnaturally quiet and respectful, as the realization that a beloved member of their community had died slowly sank in. Some, like Jacky, the group's alpha male, figured it out quicker than others. While ordinarily calm and collected, Jacky completely lost it as they wheeled Dorothy away, screaming in grief until the others comforted him.
Her adopted son, Bouboule, making the exact same face as you right now.
Related: TikTok Teens Hope Capitol Attack Serves As A Wake Up Call To Congress To Act On School Shootings
Visual Proof of Just How Strong Ants Are
Cliffhanger 2: 90 Minutes of This
You've probably heard that ants are stupidly strong, but they can't be this strong. Somebody probably glued that poor ant's feet to that rock and managed to snap this picture right before all the legs popped off. But no, that ant is truly holding on to that rock with nothing but the tips of its ... whatever it has, while holding onto that branch with nothing but its mandibles. See, an ant's neck is connected straight to other load-bearing points in its body, allowing it to support all the weight the critter carries. That neck, when straightened out like seen above, can carry objects roughly 5,000 times heavier than the insect it's attached to. This raises a lot of questions, most important of which is: why doesn't Ant-Man have a world-destroying headbutt?
These Fucking Spiders That Ruin Life
The head stays, as a warning to others.
If you're not sitting in your chair worrying that there might be a spider near you right now, then you probably like spiders too much. We thought we'd remind you why you're wrong. See that picture above? Look closer: that's a lizard being devoured by the end boss of a video game. And it's 100 percent real. Here's proof:
The spider is a golden silk orb-weaver, which uses glycoproteins to build some of the strongest, stickiest webs around. It can capture and consume just about anything in those things -- lizards, birds, snakes ...
An aeroplane, and Lenny Bruce ...
If you're the type of person who enjoys recurring nightmares about one nightmare snacking on another nightmare, you have Australian photographer Michael Grainger to thank for that photo.
Whoa, those things are Australian? Who would have guessed? Get bent, Australia. If an Australian ever tells you it's not so bad living there, don't listen: that is a human skin suit filled with thousands of spiders, and it is trying to trick you.
Check out Yosomono's other image articles at Gaijinass.com.
For more images that can't be real but totally are, check out 18 Old-Timey Photos You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped. And then check out 13 Mind-Blowing Tricks Advertisers Use to Manipulate Photos.
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