6 Adorable Cat Behaviors With Shockingly Evil Explanations
#3.
Imitating Snakes to Intimidate You
Anyone who has ever witnessed a visceral deathmatch between two angry cats is intimately aware of the blood curdling noises the cute little animals are able to create. Besides the demonically drawn out "Mrrrroww" that emanates from the very bowels of Hell itself, when a cat feels threatened, they always turn to the tried and true hiss.
Lots of animals make this noise when in the throes of battle, but why? Why is a sudden rush of moist air from such a small creature so frightening to other creatures that cats use it time and time again?
It turns out that when a cat pushes its ears down, bares its fangs, squints its slivered eyes and hisses, it closely resembles another animal that is naturally feared and avoided by most predators: the snake. And apparently the resemblance is completely intentional.
Cooobraaaa!!
Cats, like many other animals, from butterflies to birds, instinctively employ the art of mimicry in order to best defend themselves from attack. Just like David Blaine in Las Vegas, a cornered cat relies on deception and misdirection in order to avoid being destroyed by its audience, and since most animals have a natural fear of venomous snakes, a sudden hiss accompanied by a spray of saliva coming from a head that resembles the shape of a python's will cause even the most determined and bloodthirsty hunter to think twice.
So the next time you piss off your kitty and it hisses at you, it's not just showing its disapproval. It's pretending to be something that can kill you.
#2.
Obsessively Getting Rid of the Stench of Humans
Gee, cats are such clean animals, aren't they? Always licking their fur and grooming themselves. They must really care about being sanitary, clean-cut pets...
Hmmm... that's strange. Fluffy seems to groom himself a whole lot after you pet him. What, did you have some peanut butter on your fingers he has to get off? Maybe he's allergic to your touch and licking it makes him feel better?
No, he's most likely trying to get your stench off of him.
Cats have glands that are stimulated when they tug on their fur, that ooze their own scent. Licking the fur kicks those glands into high gear, making him smell more like himself and ridding him of the terrible, terrible stink of you. It'd be like if after every time you hugged your Mom, she immediately ran down the hall and took a shower.
Also, have you ever had a cat suddenly start peeing everywhere after you bring a new girl or guy home? Peeing on their clothes, or in the rooms they spend time in? It's sort of the same principle, its trying to erase all signs of his or her scent from the area.
#1.
Bringing Home Dead Animals to Show You Suck at Hunting
Cats love murder. Mice, birds and exposed ankles often find themselves the unwitting prey of one of the few animal species on Earth that seemingly kills for fun. Thus, many a cat owner has also had the morbid pleasure of being presented with their pet's fresh kill. Fluffy will come home and drop the bleeding carcass of a bird on your shoe with an expectant look, as if you were going to gobble it up right then and there.
Dig in rookie! Or ain't ya got the balls?
Why does she do it? Because Fluffy does expect you to gobble it up right then and there.
Most cat people will tell you that cats are instinctual hunters and even when they are satiated by last night's canned tuna, they will still take down a low flying sparrow if the opportunity presents itself, just for kicks. Then after successfully nabbing their quarry, the proud pet will then present it to the dominant group leader (her human owner) as a gift. While perfectly logical, that assumption is slightly incorrect and only half the story.
The dead bird, seemingly gift wrapped in ruffled feathers and crimson ribbon, isn't actually an offering to the owner at all, but more like a training exercise. See, cats teach their kittens and other dependent family members how to hunt and catch prey in gradual steps. When Fluffy dropped the corpse on your shoe, that was lesson number one in her teaching curriculum. She has noticed your appalling lack of hunting skills and inability to catch your own food, and is trying to teach you, as she would one of her kittens, how to feed yourself.
So instead of being appalled or grossed out the next time your cat brings you a fresh kill, eat up, and then prepare yourself for lesson two. That's where your formally cute kitten kombatant teaches you the importance of fatalities.
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For more explanations for animal behavior, check out 6 Insane Dog Behaviors Explained by Evolution and 5 Douchebag Behaviors Explained by Science.
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I've never had a problem with my cats bringing home dead animals and tryign to give them to me, but then, I hunt, bringing home a hare larger than kitty and dropping it in front of where she is fast asleep on the kitchen tiles so she wakes up to the thump and finds a ginormous bleeding corpse in front of her nose shows here I am the breadwinner in our house.
ReplyMy cat literally does all of this... even the pooing on the floor. He even pooed in clothes! It's time to take action! Pass me the beans, Mom! It's time to get revenge!
ReplySo...All this years, I've been owned by a mentally retarded cat? Doesn't surprise me.
ReplyHmm the rubbing up on people thing makes sense. My friends have two cats in their home and one often rubs up on people, while the other doesn't. I guess the older kitty is the dominant one.
ReplyI knew about the whole "rubbing on you to show ownership" thing, so when I first got my cat a few years ago, I decided to try a little experiment by regularly rubbing the sides of my face on my cat. It seems to have been pretty effective, considering she rarely rubs on me (she generally shows affection by sitting next to me and purring), she's never pooped outside the litter box, she almost never meows, and she's never brought home any dead animals (I know she kills birds because she has feathers around her mouth sometimes when she comes home, and I find the bones in the yard). She's generally quiet and submissive - she even rolls over on her back when I go to pet her, and she follows me around the house. So call me weird for rubbing my face on my cat, but I'm the dominant one.
ReplyWho cares? This is just ammunition for cat haters. If you hate cats, great. If you love cats, that's fine too. Dogs and human babies/children manipulate in "evil" ways too - it's called survival.
ReplyPerhaps it's just useful to drop silly notions like "good" and "evil" because Mother Nature and the Universe don't give a flying f@*k.
I wonder if my cat would actually s**t a brick if I ate something it brought me after all the times I refused?
ReplyDo it! Then, come back and tell us.
you say evil behaviors; I say intelligent, clean and an amazing display of the evolutionary process!
Replyalso, in all my years of cat ownership I have never ever ever had a cat poop outside the litterbox unless it was outside the whole house...hm!
I guess you showed your cat who's boss.
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Do you offer any smaller ones? Like... cat size, really? It's interesting that you'd post this on an article about cats, as the cougars I've owned have such an annoying habit of eating my loyal dogs, scaring my zebras and giraffes, and riling up my trained elephants to the point of madness... I've found bobcats to be much more manageable, but I still wish I could find a cougar that wasn't so hard to deal with... unlike the other animals, spanking and whipping them just makes them angrier... or in some cases results in an oddly arousing purring and moaning sound... cougars are just the damnedest confusing things, I tell you...
#4 I believe it, mostly because my cat does it after I've gotten out of the shower. She knows I've just cleaned off a lot of excess smells (that humans can't smell), so she'll do it then.
ReplyThough this is the cat that knows to look both ways across the street if she hears a car coming, and once tried to take down a fully grown deer.
I had to read this in shifts as my cat zia kept headbutting me.
ReplyA meow is a means of communication that a kitten uses to communicate with its mother. For lucky kittens the human becomes the adoptive mother to which the cat continues to communicate through meows. I am a caretaker for an indeterminate number of TNR feral cats. Unlike their socialized counterparts the adults do not meow. They make very little noise whatsoever. The meow is the socialized/feral dividing line.
ReplyI've actually noticed that feral cats don't meow. It didn't occur to me that this is the case because domestic cats meow to humans as their "parents" as a holdover from being a kitten. Interesting stuff!
We have ferals living in the parking lot at my work, and some of them DO meow, at least at those of us who feed them. One of them is named Squeaky because of the incessant squeaking/meowing whenever she sees us. I brought one home who I don't believe was a true feral (he jumped in my lap, obviously had a family at one point). He's my sweet baby, now, and he definitely meows to tell me what he wants. He also does "snake face" when I try to move him off my lap.
this article just made me love cats more! when my cat hisses, it's impressive and awe-inspiring how the cutest face i've ever known can instantly become so frightening. I now find it awesome that he could be mimicking a snake, good for him! s**t i'd run away from that little fluffball no matter how big i am! also, why should ownership and love be mutually exclusive when it comes to face rubbing?!? in my opinion cats only bother to make things theirs if they love them, and they also have no problem sharing with those they like.
ReplyNot covering up their poop is most definitely not adorable.
ReplyThat drawn out mrrrow is called caterwauling and its basically all the sounds a cat can make at once, at least that's what I read in a book once.
Replykill all cats and feed them to the poor
ReplyLol at all the sad old cat ladies thumbing these comments down. I'll take a kitten, then immediately have the thing put down. I hate the small little bastards.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYou're a douche.
A world class douche and waste of space.
troll
Most of these instinctive traits about cats are true but the "evil explanations" are nonsense.. And dogs do most of the same things in different ways. #6. Cats have different sounds for different needs. It's not manipulation it's common sense.. My dog used to sound like an old man grumbling and grunting if I was taking all the covers in bed or if was keeping him awake.. He also sounded like a baby howling when he wanted out of his crate. #5. I've never had a cat crap anywhere other than his or her litter box and it was always covered up. And most dogs try to cover theirs up too although grass doesn't cover as well as kitty litter. :) I think they cover it up because they're embarrassed and feel it's improper to leave things untidy or smelly.. #4. Cats rub to display affection and to put their scent on you as ownership.. I've seen plenty of dogs (usually the small ones) hump their owners leg to display dominance or ownership. #3. LOL!! A cat hisses or "spits" to scare off something they're afraid of.. The same way a dog growls. #2. Obsessive cleaning is because they are obsessively clean creatures.. They're just grooming for Christ sake. And both dogs and cats pee on things to mark their territory or to let you know they're "pissed" off.. #1. Cats are hunters and are proud to show off their prey.. I've seen the sweetest dogs kill squirrels, rabbits, chipmonks, etc.. They just don't feel the need to show if off. Cats are conceited and want praise for their kill.. Just my opinion!!
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesYour cat is stupid.
Cats are obsessively clean for the purpose of stealth. They are more likely to be successful as predators when their prey cannot see or smell them.
were they shaolin chipmonks? (bwahahah, I kill me)
"I've never had a cat crap anywhere other than his or her litter box and it was always covered up."
Want to trade?
"I think they cover it up because they're embarrassed and feel it's improper to leave things untidy or smelly"
Nonsense--that's imputing human motivation onto an animal. They cover it up because the "smelly" aspect alerts predators to their presence, as the article pointed out.
"I've seen the sweetest dogs kill squirrels, rabbits, chipmonks, etc.. They just don't feel the need to show if off."
Really? I've had dogs present me with dead critters.
Mine will crap in my bedroom closet when the litter box is unacceptable. Trouble is, I'm not the one who maintains it. My roommate does.
my cat found my mouse out of her cage and picker her up and then preceded to sit in front of me grooming it as if to say "this has your scent on it so I didn't hurt it, but you have not taught this thing to properly groom itself ! look at this tuft of fur out of place !" meanwhile my mouse was like "oh yeahh! that's the spot"
ReplyHaha! That's cool.
No explanation for why they stare at nothing and then run for their lives? I thought they were either trying to freak me out, or they're in fact feline versions of Haley Joel Osment in 'The Sixth Sense'.
ReplyWell sometimes cats suddenly get a burst of energy and just zip off. I actually do that a lot, and I'm obviously not a cat.
@BloodValkyrie, how do we know you're not a cat?