After that, the study participants were shown a variety of porn -- gay, lesbian, straight, and just naked people walking along a beach like it ain't no thing -- and were asked about how turned on they were by each individual video. Of course, because they were also hooked up to the genital equivalent of a lie detector, their "honest" answers were measured against the horrid truth. The results were about what you would expect for men and lesbians -- gay men were aroused by gay sex, lesbians by lesbian sex, straight men by heterosexual sex. Straight women showed varying degrees of arousal during all of the iterations. But that wasn't the most interesting part ...
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Shockingly, Amish porn did nothing for the Amish.
Because scientists are just the academically qualified version of trolls, the researchers had an ace up their sleeve -- along with the regular human porn that the participants had expected, they included footage of bonobo apes fully going at it. In addition, because the natural sound on the videos didn't fully convey the extent of the apes' enthusiasm, the videos were overlaid with sound effects of apes getting each other off like porn stars in a cheap Brazzers clip.
As you could imagine, when asked about how aroused they were by explicit ape sex, everyone responded hell to the fuck no. But the photoplethysmogram said otherwise -- men of either orientation were pretty much unimpressed by the bonobos, but the women were betrayed by science, displaying "strong and swift" genital arousal in response to seeing apes make the beast with two backs.
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If your wife insists on watching Planet of the Apes over and over again, now you know why.
So science has finally answered the age-old question of whether women are more turned on by primate intercourse than men are, and the answer is a resounding yes. We can probably expect further investigation with lemurs, alligators, and armadillos until either the funding runs out or they get through all the animals, whichever comes first.