If you're looking for something a little more affordable, Bunkers Mortuary, also in Vegas, offers coffins adorned with the city's fabulous logo and Elvis impersonators who sing during the reception. No word on whether they can officiate at the ceremony, too.
That's weird ... usually in Vegas, they just bury you in the desert with no coffin at all.
For Palm Mortuary, the only caveat is that the funeral must be "dignified and legal." Considering that their definition of the first word is pretty loose, perhaps the second one can also be stretched and you can get some of those Chinese strippers to perform lewd acts in front of everyone.
Get Quick Condolences With a Drive-Through Funeral
We've all had to attend the funeral of someone we didn't know very well, or at all, and just awkwardly stood there for an hour trying to look as somber as possible for the benefit of the bereaved. But that's just how it is, right? Everyone knows that only a fraction of the people who attend the ceremony willingly stick around for more than five minutes, but what are we supposed to do? Set up drive-through funerals for those in a rush?
That's exactly what a funeral home in Compton, Los Angeles, did: You simply drive in, look at the casket set up on display on the other side of the glass for as long as you feel like, and drive out. The manager says that the parlor is convenient for old people who find it hard to walk and lazy people who find it hard to give a fuck about their acquaintance's death.
"I'll have two large burgers with- Oh. Shit, I'm so sorry."
And they aren't the only ones to do this. In the 1980s, a drive-through funeral home in Chicago was set up exactly like a McDonald's. Mourners drove up to a speakerphone and pushed a button to give their "order" (that is, say the name of the person they'd come to see). Then they drove up to a "viewing area" where they could see the deceased's face on a 25-inch screen. The picture only lasted three seconds, but they could keep pushing a button to see it again for as long as they wanted.
The irony of viewing someone who had died in a drive-by shooting would open up a portal to another dimension.
The creator of this system, former construction worker Lafayette Gatling, found the comparison to fast food chains insulting. You know who else might find this a tad insulting? The dead dude who got put behind a window like some damned cheesecake. Yeah, if you put someone up for display like this, you can bet they'll haunt your ass for the rest of your life.
E. Reid Ross mauls old comic strips at RealToyGun.com. Richy Craven tweets exclusively in Breaking Bad spoilers and is a licensed dolphin exorcist.
For more on why things may not always be what they seem, check out 6 Insane Holidays You'll Wish You Celebrated and 7 Insane Festivals You Won't Believe Are Legal.