You sit around all day, wallowing in your own filth and sometimes you go for days without moving. You are just a pile of worthlessness.
What you need is a goal. Nothing motivates someone to get out of a slump like a goal. Find something that you want and go for it! Take your neighbor for instance. Look at his fancy car, and that fancy, smokin' hot wife of his. Sure, they're nice, but wouldn't they be nicer if they were yours? (Yes.) So pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get some of your own!
Well, I didn't mean literally take his wife, it was a metaphor for wanting a similar-
Hang on a second. Don't stare too hard at her, I know you want the wife but if you're not careful you'll be guilty of ...