The initial effect of all that adrenaline and heart spasms isn't actually a heart attack, but if it goes on for long enough the pressure on your heart could cause one. All because your body thinks that breaking up with Chad from the Apple Store requires the same physical exertion as running from a goddamned tiger.
It Can Give You Freaking Cancer
Even if your heart doesn't explode, it's normal to feel a little under the weather after a breakup. After all, you just went through some pretty traumatic emotional stress. However, that sadness you're feeling might lead to actual sickness. It's not all in your head: As we get more depressed, our immune system reacts in really weird ways, leading to an increased chance of getting sick.
But the worst-case scenario isn't just puking all over your ex when you run into her.
How Bad Can it Be?
Just a little thing called cancer. You heard that right. On top of the normal sniffles that can result from a suppressed immune system, scientists think that depression can cause and/or exacerbate cancer, arthritis and osteoporosis.
Which means listening to Johnny Cash sing "Hurt" probably causes some form of osteo-cance-ritis.
And it turns out that breakups are more likely to send you spiraling into depression than just about anything else. Apparently this is because we are more likely to fixate on events that are painful and hurt our self-esteem than on events that are just emotionally difficult. So, according to the study, the death of a close family member actually affects you less than someone dumping you.
Kathy Benjamin is happily married. Check out more of her Cracked articles here. She also writes for Uproxx.com.
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