5 Reasons Being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought
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There's a lot to love about being single. You save money on Valentine's Day gifts, you get to meet new and interesting people and sometimes you even get to have sex with them. But it's not all knocking boots and freedom. There are some aspects of single life that might, in fact, be seen as less than desirable. And then there are these five facts that will make you wish you got married in high school ... #5.
You Get Paid Less
Single People Tell Themselves: Of course my married co-workers take home a little more scratch than me! They tend to be older and lamer, and most corporate pay-scales are directly tied to how old and lame you are.
The Truth: You've got one part right: Your married co-workers take home more money. Just how much you're getting cornholed depends on who you ask, but a recent study pegged it at about 27 percent. But it's not just age. The above study was based on identical twins where the bachelor was just as educated as his married dopelganger. In fact, even if you and a married man do the same job at the same level of competence for the same number of years, the guy with the ring takes home more than you.
There are a couple of possible explanations for this and, contrary to what you might want to believe, none of them involve your boss being jealous of your electrifying sex life. The explanation married guys are most likely to cite is a little old fashioned elbow grease. It's hard not to hustle when the option behind door number two is "let your wife and kids starve to death." Meanwhile, single guys are more likely to take a sick day to sleep off an especially bad hangover, or quit a great job because the nachos in the cafeteria suck. And even if your married co-worker is the slap dick and you're the responsible one, the perception still may not change. From your boss's perspective, that guy's money is going toward feeding his kids. Yours could be going toward any number of elicit activities he's vaguely aware of. One of those sex parties he's seen on those HBO documentaries, perhaps. #4.
You Work More
Single People Tell Themselves: In an unprecedented act of kindness, American corporations decided their employees were working too hard and began enforcing something called "work/life balance." Of course they had their selfish reasons. A happier employee will do better work, and get sick less. But who cares? Less work means more time for us single folk to go out and have indiscriminate sex with one another, right? The Truth: If you're single, work/life balance is yet another way for the world to punish you for being unloved. One way the "balance" is enforced is the Family and Medical Leave Act, which gives any employee the right to take time off if a spouse, child or parent gets sick.
But what if you're struggling to save up enough money for a ring for your girlfriend of seven years when she gets hit by a bus? According to work/life balance, you'd better have some vacation time saved up. Otherwise, you're just going to have to learn to weep a little quieter, because you're sort of bumming out the rest of the folks in Accounts Receivable.
There's also the unofficial considerations. Married employees simply have more legitimate excuses to ask for time off: a kid's birthday party, an anniversary dinner, Christmas. Yes, single people are more likely to be asked to work on holidays. The logic goes: You're single, you don't have a wife or kids, what could you possibly have to do? It doesn't matter if you were planning to spend the day delivering presents to sick children. Someone's got to pick up the slack for the married guy who keeps taking time off to attend his daughter's dance recital.
But don't worry too much about vacation time. Thanks to something called per person double occupancy (PPDO), you wouldn't be able to go on good vacations anyways. Essentially, hotels, cruise lines, pretty much anything that isn't a plane or a train, is designed and priced for couples. The travel industry wants as many people as possible roaming the streets in a capitalist frenzy. The more people they can pack into a hotel or a cruise ship, the happier they are. If that means punishing you for being unloved, so be it. Maybe you'll learn not to be so lonely next time. #3.
The Government Hates You
Single People Tell Themselves: The tax code has something called the "marriage penalty," which is supposed to make married couples pay more. See? Uncle Sam remembers what it was like to be a squirrel trying to get a nut. The Truth: Actually, 51 percent of married couples get a tax bonus, and it can be up to $1300 a freaking year. Just enough for your co-worker to take his wife on that Hawaiian vacation while you do all his work.
The benefit comes if there's an income disparity; i.e. one partner is making more than the other. If they're pulling in the mad bucks and their spouse is working a part time job, or just a full-time job that sucks, they wind up paying less. You're stuck with the full tab. To add a little salt to the hemorrhaging wound in your bank account, married couples can choose to file jointly or separately. So they have plenty of wiggle room to get the lowest taxes possible. So basically, instead of getting a tax break, you're doing the equivalent of buying another wedding gift for all the happily married couples you know every April 14th.
And if you think the government's a dick to private citizens around tax time, you should try fighting wars for them. You might expect the military to pay people who get shot at pretty well, regardless of whether or not they're married. But in fact, a soldier with a ring on their finger is entitled to an extra $250 a month based on a piece of legislation left over from WWI called Family Separation Allowance. They also get an increased housing allowance, which is untaxed money. So basically, married soldiers get bigger houses and enough money to install a jacuzzi in the backyard. But hey, at least you single folks get to play the field in Iraq.
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In fact, that last one might be true, but only for men (I don't know about the other points made. I just refer here to the last one). Married women are more likely to be depressed than single women- although divorced women are the most depressed- and being depressed acts as a major factor lowering your immunological response, hence you might be a lot more likely to get sick when married. And die.
Actually that "once you pass a single age you can't get married" but that's not true. I have an uncle who stayed single until he was 68.
;_; Cracked, I thought you were smarter than to use statistics so poorly.
The divorce rate being half of the marriage rate does not mean about 50% of marriages end in divorce. That math fails to take in the many, many marriages already in existence.
This article makes no sense at all. (5 Reasons Being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought). It really sounds like a sad person wrote this to get you trapped. Sure, we all have to find a love one but this article sound like you need to rush for a big disappointment. I been in a relationship for 6 years and now it's finally over. She always wanted to rush and get married and if I would of did that I would of been divorce now (Nice saved myself the paper work).
When you are single you are yourself to the full capacity. You can work on your career. Relationship are cool if you got the love of you life but it will cost you..lol
As far as single Tax issues, sure they take a lot from my check but I also get a lot in the beginning of the year. I make way way over 65k a year not included freelance work I do on the side that I probably couldn't keep up due to a relationship. I'm currently setting goals to have my own business first now. I can say I been there and done that with the relationship and now I fill like I can breath again and do what I want. I so love this life style.
The world is base on marrying your High School crush and never get to experience your life in the out field. Record shows mostly all single men over 25 is career focus and well paid. Normally we get the married women because there husband not doing the job correctly.
Please don't be Confused by this article because I bet who wrote this still get in unpredictable arguments.
One more thing to add to this (Issue #3 The Government Hates You)
The reason why, Single is the Key to success. Government keeps you down, relationships slow you up.
Life is the biggest game...
"You will find the answer when you understand life"
We all will have to be in a relationship one day but first.
Mind Right, Money Right
Being in the military, I'm not so bothered by the fact that married families get paid more. As someone mentioned, the constant moving is a hassle but the real reason it's there is for overseas deployments. There are some duty stations that you literally are not allowed to bring family to. In the Air Force, if you're tasked to deploy to Korea you don't get the option to bring family with. Luckily, Korea is a short-term deployment usually only lasting a year or two depending on what you signed up for (yeah, people actually volunteer to do it).
One thing to mention, non-military, that you overlooked about the attachment of the single stigma. If you stay single for way too long (like into your 40s, 50s, or beyond) is that you're not getting tagged as a perennial bachelor like a George Clooney. Nope, most people are going to start assuming you're gay, whether you are or not. It's not a bad thing to have people think you're gay or anything unless you actually are straight and want to keep banging away all the way to your grave. But especially for guys, if you haven't settled down by the time you reach your mid '30s, people start wondering why. And that's one of the more common assumptions.
The bonus you get for being married doesn't really mean dick if you're a man, because your wife takes all of it and more.
This is the reason why I tie strangers up and force them to sleep with me.
Thanks for the reminder that sometimes you just have to loosen the ropes up. The excercise is you get from chasing 'em is very important.
Funny article. It made me sad to be single......FOR ABOUT 5 SECONDS!! 'Bring on the young girls and the free cocaine.' -The Dwarves
The "work more" one came vividly when at 21 years old and in college I was "asked" (i.e. given no choice) to work every holiday at my part-time place along with the other college kids. When I asked why I was working the bosses would say "well (so and so) needs to spend Christmas with her kids" to which I would reply "yeah and I see my parents about twice a year wouldn't you think I'd like to spend Christmas with them?"
I'm waiting for someone to contemplate suicide after reading this.
where theres a will theres a way
for people hating you just tell them to go f**k themselves and that youll be single forever if they dont shut up or go kill married couples i meen theyll hate you more but they already hate u anyways ;)
for working more and getting paid less just talk with boss (i know its impossible for some) or go to HR or go on a shooting spree
for government just send em a letter or assassinate officials or something
for health just get a f*****g better doctor or something
REMEMBER THERE ARE STILL CHEAP HOOKERS OUT THERE
FOR THOSE WHO ARE OFFENDED GO f**k YOURSELVES THIS IS A COMMENT ON A HUMOR WEBSITE
I've been single all my life, and there's simply no possibility I could live any other way, ever.
Have I consciously chosen that life? Absolutely not.
Will it continue? Yes, until I die.
Regarding people hating singles. Maybe not directly, but it's clear anything that breaks a social norm (actual or believed) makes people insecure and fearful, and they convert that fear into hatred of the "oddity", as a defence. The official explanation is of course something completely different, and often even unspoken.
Unfortunately for singles, the "multiples" have the power and "right" if you will. They are simply doing the right thing, appluaded by parents and society in general. Singles are outside that norm.
I've oftentimes also been ridiculed, not directly for being alone, but for other indirect reasons, some mentioned in the article:
- What could I possibly be doing on a weekend/vacation, considering I'm single?
- How can I not be bi or gay if I'm single? A man that's not "doing it" can't be straight, right?
- Why do I need to take time off? What could I possibly need time off for?
- How can I be trustworthy and legit if I don't have a house, a wife, children and an SUV?
There are of course benefits with living alone, like having control over my economy, not having to be social if I don't want to, having control over my spare time, etc, so it's not all bad, but it's certainly not good for the self esteem, and low self esteem is one of the reasons I'm single in the first place.
The hell with it.
Goddamn that was depressing to read...
Damn!!! I used to be single and now I'm married. I never realized how being single, even when I was single, is really fucked up. Especially with worklife and the government. I don't have anything against single people, but man being married you're alot better off even if it's not a great marriage.
You poor single people. Here. I'll offer you some gloom, so you don't have to.
-gloooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!-
you're right, cracked. Single people are losers.
this is f****n' depressing. provide some data on the other side of the argument, plse.
i think you meant to say "illicit" and not "elicit" there in reason #5. you guys are pretty funny btw
Does anyone know where the third picture in #3 comes from?
I love cracked. But the crap about the military difference in income. Eesh. Its a lean income either way. But a good point in case comes to mind. We're trying to decide whether to buy a couch for our family and the single friend is trying to decide whether to buy a semi-automatic at $3000 to "have fun at the range" with. And why isn't there a stupid tax?
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lol I read a book called "Big Girls Don't Whine" and in that book, the author kept pounding on and on about how "being single is okay!" There was a nagging feeling in the back of my head that said this was a stupid and ridiculous notion. I think this article confirmed my nagging feeling. Being single really isn't worth it. At all. Ever.