Malaysian Ants Have Suicide Bombs
Oh, did you think it was only the awesome inventions the animals came up with first?
Malaysian ants have glands full of poison, which isn't all that unusual. What is unusual is the way they will, under threat, inflate those glands and then make them fucking explode.
They detonate with such force that they completely obliterate their own head, spraying poison in all directions. So when predators intrude, these crazy bastards wait until they're within the blast radius and let loose.
"This plan is bulletproof."
Commonly referred to as the "Now Nobody Gets to Eat Me" defense, this culmination of evolutionary events seems at best misguided, but is effective nonetheless. Because honestly, you can't boil a hot dog if it fucking explodes the second you open the refrigerator, and if that explosion shot poison all over the kitchen you would stop buying hot dogs altogether.
When We Invented It:
One of the first explosives was black powder, originating in China around the ninth century. As the centuries progressed, that powder evolved into grenades, land mines, warheads, aerial bombs and artillery shells.
While these devices allow for the inclusion of explosions into any formal or informal affair, we as human beings have yet to master the art of detonating our own heads on cue, which, as the Malaysian ants have demonstrated, is the pinnacle of home defense.
Josh Pearce is a Dutch-Frisian exotic dancer and courtesan who was executed by firing squad for espionage during World War I. He writes angry stuff at Book of Tangents.
To see how animals have further made us look like raging jackasses, check out 5 Diabolical Animals That Out-Witted Humans. But find out why we probably deserved it, in 7 Insane Military Attempts To Weaponize Animals.
And stop by Cracked.com's Top Picks to see how animals innovated sex before we did, also.