Every Saturday we feature content from some of our favorite writers on the web. Greg Boose has spent hard time on a host of comedy sites like McSweeney's, Yankee Pot Roast, Monkeybicyle, The Big Jewel and others, winning awards for Best Satirist and the like. He writes for the Huffington Post and is the Chicago editor for BlackBook Magazine. You can read some of his stuff by going to gregboose.com.
A fair and clear termination policy can be the difference between an exciting work environment that encourages growth, and whatever the opposite of that is. Nowhere is this clearer than in the professional relationship between the Decepticon leader, Megatron, and his subordinate, Starscream. As a service to budding executives and, more importantly, Megatron, we've combed through the entire Transformers catalog to find five examples of Starscream's behavior that should not be tolerated by any executive.
5:35 Into the First Episode of the TV Series
Upon hearing that their enemies, the Autobots, are planning to scour the universe for an energy source, Starscream tells Megatron: "The Autobots would have lost eons ago if I'd been calling the shots." He follows that statement up with: "My time will come, Megatron."
Suggested Course of Action
It's best to address a situation before it gets out of hand. At this point, just five minutes into the first episode of the show, Megatron should have already been asking himself if it was worth keeping Starscream on as a member of the team.
The answer is clear. Megatron has many employees who are willing to listen to his orders without politicking for more power. He should have immediately terminated Starscream and had him escorted from the premises by Shockwave and Thundercracker. Or alternatively, he could have shot him in the back of the head with his huge arm cannon.
10:30 Into The Same Episode
After four million years, a volcanic eruption brings the Decepticons back to life with the aid of fix-it robots on the Autobot ship that crashed on Earth. Once all the Decepticons are fully functional, Starscream begins firing his arm laser aimlessly at the valley below.
Suggested Course of Action
One should never confront an erratic, potentially violent employee alone. Megatron needs to attempt to develop a workplace environment that fosters trust among existing employees and management, and to do so he cannot tolerate loose cannons such as Starscream.
For sensitivity purposes, Megatron should have taken Starscream off the premises and fired him privately in order to preserve the Decepticon's dignity. Failing that, Megatron may have considered waiting until Starscream turned around so that he could shoot him in the back of the head with his enormous arm cannon.