We've probably all been duped into going to a club with our friends at some point. You just turned 21, you're still mildly dazzled by intensely loud music, and there's an apparent meat market of horribly skanky people you never knew existed in your town, all in one place!
Unremarkable women you see every day at work are suddenly dressed in fabric swatches and will eagerly shake their guns like epileptics shoot-fighting Pokemon in a strobe light store. Who are you to complain? All this gyration and movement can, occasionally, lead to unseemly dance floor desires and the risky amongst us may venture to get a taste of forbidden nightclub nookie.
Big deal, right? You sneak into the bathroom with a sweaty stranger, hop into a stall and go to town. The same stall where a nightclub full of tanked strangers have been visiting all night. You ever tried pissing while totally drunk? How's your aim? Keep that in mind, because it means every surface in that bathroom is a bacteria risk for things like e.coli, salmonella, shigella and Methicillin-resistant Staph Aureus found on pretty much any surface in a bathroom someone's hands have touched. You don't need to know what any of those diseases mean. The bottom line is, you're boning on top of the urine and poo of hundreds of strangers.
If you're thinking you'll slip into the ladies room because it's cleaner, you should know that while the men's room may be ankle deep in piss, women's washrooms tend to have a higher amount of fecal bacteria present, in some cases twice as much. Now, since this isn't the article to investigate this particular phenomenon, (check out next week to read "7 Reasons Men Are Better Than Women at Pooping"), we'll just focus on the gross and dangerous parts: Microorganisms are the third leading cause of death behind heart attacks and cancer, so you may not want to rub your juicy parts all over the nightclub bathroom counter after all.