All week, we focused on comic book themes and characters coming to life: We've got real-live super-villains, actual vigilante groups that are actually insane, and a couple of rock star tales that may not have anything to do with comics or graphic novels, but they were definitely graphic, if you know what we mean.
Oh, also, we wrote an article about scholarships. That didn't lend itself quite as easily to our comic book theme but, to be fair, you don't really care.
5 Real World Criminals Who Were Certified Super-Villains
Real Villains? Who will stop these menaces?!
Notable Comment: Couldn't really resist posting this. Fuckyou says "the iceman didn't drive the ice cream truck. he was trained to use poisen by the guy who drove the ice cream truck. watch the h.b.o. interviews and get your shit right," and the author of the article, Ian Fortey, responds politely by saying "I didn't say he drove the ice cream truck, I said your mom's asshole was too loose to give any resistance." Just wanted to repost that in case Mr. Fuckyou missed it, lest he think his complaint went unanswered.
6 Real-Life Vigilantes Crazier Than Batman
Remember how on the last article we were all "Who will stop these menaces?" It's these vigilantes, that's who! That's called a lead in. We're pretty brilliant around here.
Notable Comment: Spoo made us laugh. ""Bald Knobbers", What a knee slapper. Cop Smith: What do you think of this crime scene, Jones? Cop Jones: Looks like a Knob Job to me, Smith. Cop Smith: (sprays coffee) Pfffthhhh!!!"
ROCK STARS HAVE TOO MUCH FREE TIME!
The 6 Most (Certifiably) Insane Tales of Rock Star Behavior
Can't you freaks just hide somewhere when you're not recording wonderful music? (For Sinead O'Connor, that would read "All the time.")
Notable Comment: lblankenshipp says "cracked, you are CONSTANTLY underwhelming me with your sh*tty research. the prince article makes no sense. legally, a writer has the "right of first refusal," which means, no one can record your unreleased song without your permission. once it is released, then anyone may record it, no matter what you want or don't want." You're right, we apologize. We never should have said that Sinead couldn't legally record the song and- Oh...wait...You mean, we didn't say that? Wow. Okay. Okay, still, though, we should apologize because we said that Prince tried to sue Sinead, and according to lblankenshipp, Sinead was completely within her legal rights to record the cover, and-- Oh wait, we never said that? Still, we should apologize because we didn't cite any articles and we really should have-...Wait...wait a minute. We did cite an article? Get outta town! But, no, that would mean that lblankenshipp was just talking out of his/her as an excuse to show off his/her profound knowledge of fancy legal stuff, like "right of first refusal," but still added nothing to the actual article...Weird.
UNIVERSITY OF BS!
7 Most Pointless "Skills" That Can Win You a Scholarship
Tallness gets you a scholarship? Bullshit, the Cracked Staffers all had to work to get through college. (No one on the Cracked Staff currently has a degree above a high school education- Management)
Notable Comment: The comments section exploded into a race war, because nobody cares what our articles are actually about anymore.
YOU YOU YOU!
15 Ways They Could Get People to Actually Watch TV Again
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about: Awesome Home Improvements from the Future.
"AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!"
Sometimes it's better NOT to know a musician before they hit it big.
"Dave, you're insane!! Don't cut the rope!!!"
"I'm going to ask you one more time, Tim... Did... You... Steal... My... Tuna... Sandwich???"
Halfway through production of Spiderman 4, Sony executives got the feeling that Tobey Maguire and Sam Raimi were phoning it in.
Elephantitus of the foot is an ever growing problem in third world countries.
And that's why I'm banned from the San Diego Zoo!
To the horror of the audience, after winning the derby, Jockey #69 does his trademark celebration dance
Jim the Centaur would never forget the day he walked in on his parents "doing it".
Oh shit- hide the seaweed.
The other half of yesterday's picture.....
It's...well...LEAKING men anyway.
The people in the subway get a far more unpleasant view.
Unemployed, hungry and fused to the sidewalk. Can you spare some change?
Let us pitch you a sitcom ...
Some people in entertainment don't even bother trying to come up with fresh ideas.
These stories are so weird we're not even sure Hollywood would touch them.