jwhaler
At the last second, Billy kicked his soccer ball into the teleporter with Dr. Hanson...
Rissiki
In the year 2063, when John Connor moved the rebel fighters to what was left of San Fransisco, the machines released its first, gay terminator robot, the butT-1000
doctordig
Facing down the Half-There-Sewer-Dude, Batman longed for the days when his enemies actually scared him.
Rissiki
Ebay: On sale. Blinged out hood ornament from the Blue Man Group's Tour Bus. Mint Condition. Doing Macarena
happycamper
Damn it, Scotty! You have one fucking job! Beam me up. Thats it. Just, beam me the fuck up! Not half of me, not some of me. ALL OF ME GOD DAMN IT! And tell Sulu to keep his fucking dirty little hands off my lower half this time! Last time I c
Leaf
The stories of alligators in the New York sewer system are just urban legend.... the reality is much, much worse...
SUPERNAUT44
Holy Crap. It's the thing from that dream i keep having! WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!!!?
Bronson
After a popular stint in the late 80's, the Crash Test Dummies have fallen on hard times.
LadyGrace
"The Public Coin Operated Double Fister" was not as popular a feature in Japan as hypothesized.
superpoop
The Jerk-Off Man: Insert quarter into left hand, and right hand will beat you off.
Roscoe
After that, M. Night Shyamalan's agent refused to even come up the driveway without calling ahead first.
OlDirtyBen
Kids, this is what happens when you rock down to Electric Avenue and then you take it higher.
fairies74
I said "don't" dump that suspicious liquid down the tiolet; you said "Aw, what's the worst that could happend?". See.
NinjaPolarBear
Already embarassed by the fact he had become one with a man hole cover, humiliated by a bunch of overly artistic fifth graders, and frustrated that no one would help him; two hours later he was presented with a ticket for obstucting city maintenance.
DerWaffleHaus
An illustrated guide to the our nation's future after a Replublican presidential victory: in the sewer, going nowhere and just plain scary.
angelof
The addition of "Manhole Man" to the new Transformers Movie may disappoint some fans.
Zoo06
Never walk around town while tripping on acid or shit like this pops out of the ground.
IntellectSucks
Supervillian Man-Hole recounted that despite a lifetime of ridicule due to his crappy superpowers, the low point of his life came when he discovered he was featured in a list on Cracked.com.
DerWaffleHaus
Behold the ugly truth of what really happens after consuming large amounts of sewer sludge in an ill-conceived effort at becoming a ninja turtle.
Ironlightsaber
Veteran Mimes begging for spare change are really getting out of hand these days.
kumquatwriter
Unlike Darth Maul, who just moved back in with his parents after being cut in half, Darth Soccer went on to a moderately successful career as subway ticket taker.
OlDirtyBen
As he got older, Banksy's "art" started to move in some fucking scary directions.
staypuftmm
after getting his entire body tattooed in Iraq, Dave came home from his tour of duty and got his lower half blown off at the tattoo parlor.
tomroadrunner
His clever camoflouge renders him nearly invisible to the dreaded Sewer Lion...
LethalSpuds
He was turned down at the audition for Kids as the "I have no legs" dude because he was just too white.
MrTweek
"So what if I'm a half man that happens to be painted from head to stump, at least I still have my dignity." "What's that? I'm bald too?" "NNNOOOOOO!!!!"
thatdrunkdude
Mark knew that one day his dancing would get him enough cash to buy some new legs - then Ford would have to give him his old crash test job back. He'd show his wife he was right all along, and she'd come back to him... she'd have to...
Leaf
"I just need another five dollars to get a ticket back to my home town of Chernobyl...."
BuckleAU
An artist's metaphor for the Obama campaign after Palin's speech: a bunch of confused black and white that's halfway in the sewer.
superpoop
Lorena Bobbitt REALLY fucked up her second husband. The lower half of his painted body was found in a local landfill, wrapped up in a sock.
sethesthesia
well the camouflage pants work, but the shirt leaves something to be desired.
Boneman
Sung to the tune of the Beetles "Yesterday" "I'm not half the man I used to be. My torso's only 2 foot, 3, and I am monochrome paisley"
QWiber
Half-man Steve continued giving the invisible man a hand job, while preparing a sneak attack with his left fist.
Fkelleghan
My Super Ex-Girlfriend said, "We have to talk." I realize now that I was stupid to joke, "Let me guess: you want to plumb my hidden shallows.”
tomroadrunner
Geez... Everyone knows you're not supposed to wear white after labor day...
BuckleAU
This is all that was left of a sidewalk statue after police got a little too nervous about the protesters at the Republican National Convention.
tomroadrunner
Hahaha... He's funny because he's horribly disfigured... Disfigured people exist purely for our enjoyment...
angelof
Put 'em up! I'll take you all on... could you please just get a little closer though, and maybe bend down. Thanks.
filler
Sadly, these days most SpiderMan villains turn to creative ad marketing to make money.
mrpeabody
"HELLO! HELLO! Yeah... KEEP WALKING! Ignore the FREAK! Nobody stop and help the FREAK! Seriously, who the hell spits their gum on the sidewalk?!? There's a trash can like... 2 feet away. It's like cement. I will die here if nobody... NO I WON'T SHUT
idiyione
"In todays news the mutilated remains of the Mannequin Slayer's 12th victim were found horribly mutilated in Times Square... leaving a town gripped by fear"
smallshrimp
So...tempted...to....make....cheap.....michael.....jackson....joke...because....both black and white
morgannec
I am the Ghost of Christmas Disco. You will be visited by...hey! Come back here!!!
capricia13
Before the invention of the Heisenberg Compensator, transporter technology often had unfortunate results...
frizzhalo
After failing as both an analrapist and an actor, Tobias Funke's career continued it's downward spiral.
zbeebs
You know how most cities have painted statues of bears or horses or whatever? Yeah, this is San Francisco...
Doc_Caligari
You know, I used to be all about emerging from the Underhell to wipe the humans from the Earth. But now that I see how gross their skin is, I'm just not so sure I'm up to it.
noelbarratt
Finally, after years of waiting, the first radioactive monster emerges from Chernobyl and nobody gives a damn.
Skybreak
After he died, he insisted in his will that his body be used as the creepiest advertising mechanism to date.
Outsyder
Homeless Fred knew in order to wow the folks, he had to combine his two loves: panhandling and modern art.
GT!
This is what happens when you think you can get away with buying just the top half of a teleport suit
u18c
"YES! I MADE IT! I WENT BACK IN TIME TO THE 21st CENTRY! THIS IS GREAT O MY GOD I LOVE THIS PLACE... I WANNA GO OVER THERE... wait... aww fuck.
TheHeckler
Stories of alligators flushed into New York sewers persisted for years, but the flushed mimes of San Francisco were so much more terrifying.
dmophatty
Meet the man who doubted anything bad would happen if he messed around with the massive hadron collider.
Jenna_Tullwortz
Bill's obsession with tribal tattoos became his undoing when, coincidentally, his latest addition completed the sequence needed to open a portal to hell.
MasterRadishes
Frank didn't know what he enjoyed more - the frightened stares of the passing crowd as they reacted to the sight of a sewer mutant, or the blowjob he was getting from his wife at that instant.
PeanutButter
Unfortunately, the driver did not see the sign: Warning, HUMAN STATUES X-ING
theRam
Atom Man, during his speech about quantum physics, unexpectedly proved half of the theories at once
Rickyrodd
At the beginning of the machine war, the t-100's lacked their trademark menacing looks and the transporter device was far from accurate.
biffodclyzod
The Beijing Paralympic relay-wheelchair-marathon hit a snag when they realised all funding had been spent on new body suits and not wheelchairs or batons.
thefallguy
This guy did not make the honor roll at Professor Xavier's Home for Gifted Youngsters.
Truthiness
You can flush all the alligators down the toilet you want, but try and flush THIS guy down the toilet and he will come back to haunt you!
LethalSpuds
Is he jerking off two inmaginary dudes? Take a cue from the classy test dummy hookers and blow em in the alley, Geez!!
tomroadrunner
After 9 long months, the sidewalk gives birth to a fully grown soccer-ball man... Within time he will find his very own sidewalk and settle down and have several of his very own soccer-ball men... *wipes tear*
ajp1015
Not too long ago Obama emerged from the hard streets of Chicago, "Pound me one Barack and don't forget to blow it up"
Kristoff45
I'll get you superman! Or my name isn't retardedmeldedtothegroundblackandwhitemannequinqwithradioactivesignsalloverhisbodyforsomestrangereasonman!
potterbean
NO!!! THE VILLAIN FOR SPIDERMAN 4 IS THE SPOT!? Damn and i thought sandman was a shit choice...
ChemicalEagle
He seems fairly harmless until you realize his lower body is essentially the entire urban sewer-system. Now go take a dump and flush, and see if you've incurred his wrath.
maitresse73
Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!
Via-Sol
Timmy blinked with surprise. One moment, his lollipop was there; the second, it was gone. He was dumbfounded
tomroadrunner
Rissiki stole my caption! Oh wait... His picture is a reference to testicles!!! SWEET!!! Nevermind, I'm not mad anymore. ... ROTFL... Deez Nutz... Where do people come up with this stuff??? Man, I've gotta take some notes!!!
Truthiness
Pictured: A scene from the late Hunter S. Thompson's talked about, but never written sequel to Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas.
Calvin_Crack
Poor guy, I heard he sold his body to Scion for ad space 6 years ago. THE BASTARDS NEVER LET HIM GO
Skyggeulv
He wantet to be tattoed all over his body but didnt have the cash. that was when hi got the idea to ditch the bottom
Tittysprinkles
Tittysprinkles lamented that it has been some time since a funny craption has been posted.
spiderjerusalem
"I want to party with the surface dwellers, not mope around underground worshiping the bomb!"
paranoidpyro
And so THIS, children, is why you should stay away from drugs. Any questions?
_Phoenix_
Having accomplished the "Down in a hole" portion of the song, Louis won the bet so long as he retained his soul.
HappyHomer
Quoth Hunter S: "What the whole hep world would be doing on a saturday night if the Nazis had one the war"
Ireene
Please, when purchasing pets at the carnival, remember that the cute little painted half-man that fits so nicely in the palm of your hand will someday be a fully grown painted half-man.
Ireene
Please, when purchasing pets at the carnival, remember that the cute little painted half-man that fits so perfectly in the palm of your hand will someday be a fully grown painted half-man.
mnemosyne23
Excuse me, sir? Have you thought about how much you could save by switching to Geico?
mnemosyne23
Covering your body in soccer ball tattoos isn't going to make anyone in America watch the goddamn World Cup.
mnemosyne23
Hi! Have you seen Phil? I'm looking for a guy named Phil. He dropped his contact lens in Hell.
pambeesly
"Well, I only had enough soccer balls to cover my top half... I don't know why I started on top. STUPID!"
ClintBeastwood
What the hell are you doing in there, Fred? Fred, if you're real, you better tell me right now!
Dr.Spork
An interdimensional traveler caught in quick-metal. I guess at least we'll always know what beats them.
Dr.Spork
Link: "So, Master Hand. We finally know your true form." Samus: "Where's the bottom half?" Link: "Oh, it must have been taken away so he didn't keep...Master-bating." Samus: "Fuck you." Link: "Gladly."
Dr.Spork
He'd ask for change, but it's not like he can spend it. If your feeling compassionate, travel to the sewers and give him a handjob.
Dr.Spork
That night where I ate tons of expired rice and yoghurt is coming back to haunt me.
EvilJerry
With the auto industries huge lay-offs and closings, crash test dummies resort to street performing and pan handling.
u18c
Cacy's, as you can see, has started to get abstract artist to design everything, from cloths to umm... well... other stuff.
SamLowery
This is what the CRACKED staff did to whoever wrote yesterday's meta-craption about submitting early and getting a lot of votes that everybody loved. [Hey, technically this relates to the picture...although this footnote doesn't, shit!]
Wazula
Woman: So what do you think? Doctor: Well, frankly ma'am, i think your son's acting out for attention. Boy: HAIL BEELZEBUB!
Wazula
Cop: Well, what do you think? Detective: Self-inflicted gunshot wound. Cop: Oh...
Stardog
Damn it! Thats the third one this week, the dummies are supposed to go in the middle, not off to the side. Its all wrong.
Stardog
Damn teenagers, first they attach a horses head to an asian, then they enlarge another guys head, now this.
Stardog
(Just off camera a stampede of bulls was bearing down on Martin) Martin: O SHIT! WHY DID I SELL MY LEGS FOR THESE DAMN STICKERS
MindoverMattR17
mixing crash test dummies and band saws wasn't as sexy as I thought. On the other hand, whoever kept the bottom half might not agree.
KingKrapp
Nintendo decides to update the Mario Pihrana Plant for a new generation of gamers with limited success.
dtmike07
This wasn't quite what Tom expected when his friends took him to the "cool underground tattoo studio."
FadieZ
Jack always wanted to get his life back on track, but alas; he didn't have the balls.
superhombre
"See, White & Black people be risin' from the depths of hell like dis, but Black & White people be risin' from the depths of hell like dis!"
el_win_of_89
After being cut in half, Steven the Street Mime's business went bankrupt. Thus, forcing him to move out into the streets of New York, to be "tagged up" for spare change.
el_win_of_89
Night Crawler knew that as soon as he passed through the art gallery, he was going to be desperately screwed.
SirButternut
EA's pre-release advertisement for Spore disturbing - but at least it wasn't a blue-spotted penis...
floydtheater07
Explain to an impressionable college girl why this is art and you might get laid!
eatasandwich
After 5 hours Ted came to terms with the fact that there were probably better ways of steeling a bicycle than waiting for someone to chain one to him.
eatasandwich
Five hours passed before Ted came to terms with the fact that there are better ways to steel a bicycle than waiting for someone to chain one on you.
Sourcookies
It took me three years to get him to repaint the ceiling. It took him three seconds to fall through it.
Huntzie
After the seeing the mess Jim left hitting the floor, Alison couldn't wait to see what kind of stain Dave would leave.
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