Again, like most of the guys in this list, Proty fell for blond jailbait, in his case the Legionnaire Saturn Girl (yes, all of the Legion of Superheroes had retarded names). Sadly for Proty, Saturn Girl was out of his league because of her higher status, and by that we mean that she had the status of "human being" and Proty was a talking lump of mashed potatoes.
But, one day fellow Legion member, Lighting Lad (yesh), got himself killed while saving the universe. Through an extremely convoluted set of circumstances we cannot begin to recount here, Proty resurrected Lightning Lad by transferring his own soul into his body.
The thing is, Proty never told anybody. He just walked around pretending to be Lightning Lad. And why not? He can now eat at the table and date Saturn Girl instead of just squishily humping her leg while she slept on the couch.
Years later they even married, had three kids, and lived happily ever after. Well, not really, because she didn't really marry the man she loved and never found out she had given birth to the children of a pile of sentient bird shit who used to live in a zoo.
Terry Long from Teen Titans
Creepy Because: Look at him.
Terry Long from Teen Titans is a cross between a member of the Bee Gees and a Dutch porn star. He is the fist of the '70s hitting you in the face forever. Why is this jackass in the comic? Easy, he became the steady boyfriend and later husband of Wonder Girl.
Wonder Girl, if you didn't know, grew up on an island full of Amazonian women where no man could visit. These are the only circumstances we can think of where a girl (and remember these are the "teen" Titans) could think this divorced ex-college professor was the man of her dreams. Most people who dream about Terry Long end up rocking in a fetal position on the floor of their bedrooms, holding a knife and downing pots of coffee in a quest to never sleep again.
Who is the greatest hero in the DC universe? Superman, you say? No, it's the anonymous blond man in the above picture who blocks the terrifying view of Terry Long's polka dotted banana hammock.
Terry Long stained every page of Teen Titans when he appeared with his downright palpable, reptilian sleaziness. When Terry wasn't trying to blend in with the Teen Titans like a creepy uninvited uncle, he was openly hitting on Wonder Girl's female teammates.
Several issues later, after Terry managed to brainwash Wonder Girl into marriage, our suspicions were proven true. A team of Teen Titans from the future went back in time to kill the son of Terry and Wonder Girl. Why? Because he was going to grow up into pure evil, that's why! If the superpowered Hitler from the future had to come from somewhere, Terry Long's haunted testicles were one of the more likely places.
Finally in 1997 Terry Long died in a car crash, leaving the universe a substantially less sleazy place.
If you enjoyed that, you might like our rundown of The 5 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Comic Strips. Or check out the T Shirt designs you'll be wearing tomorrow and submit your own in the Photoshop contest in the forum. And be sure to get the Cracked Hit List delivered in your electronic mailbox every Thursday.