All Nexus-6 replicants have a pre-set lifespan of four years. You're probably saying to yourself, "That's not a downside! Every four years you get to upgrade!" Yeah, sounds great until you actually have to fork over the cash.
Also, the reason Nexus-6 replicants have a four-year lifespan is that over time they develop emotions, and eventually go crazy. So once she figures out that she was basically born with a terminal illness that no amount of boning can cure, there's a good chance she'll be a whole lot less fun. Good luck selling her on Craigslist.
The Stepford Wives: The Stepford Wives
Take every result of the Women's Liberation Movement and press 'undo'--that was the idea when the men in Stepford decided to engineer gynoid replacements for their wives. (It sounds like a part of your body you only hear about when it gets cancer, but 'gynoid' is actually the term for a female android. Thanks, Wikipedia!) These new gynoids have all the features their husbands liked so much in the originals--like orifices--without any of the buggy programming that comes with free will.
All it took to upgrade to Wife 2.0 was a firmware installation in your old analog "beta-test" wife. That's nothing compared to what a new Powerbook will cost you, and even Apple's designers have a long way to go before they produce anything as appealing to the eye as real-life Stepford Faith Hill.
When you're married to a Stepford Wife, a hot meal will be waiting for you when you arrive home and you can have whatever kind of sex you want with her, whenever you want it. That's plenty special for us, but just in case you're picky, one Stepford Wife even has an ATM machine installed in her mouth. Feel free to make your own deposit and withdrawal jokes, we just wonder what kind of fees our bank would charge that kind of transaction! High-five!
We had to think long and hard about this one, because it seems like a pretty sweet deal, as long as you don't have some bizarre objection to blonds. We gave it some time though, and it occurred to us that women, much like prisoners and political refugees, yearn for freedom and the right to live as they choose. That desire led to the original Women's Lib movement, and if women in the '60s were able to ignore decades of social programming, you better believe the Stepford Wives will eventually rebel against a few lines of C code.
One day you're coming home to a hot meal, and the next day your wife feels that her armpit hair is a miracle of nature and the Black Panthers are meeting in your living room. We're also not sure we'd ever get over our fear that we'd get drunk and end up sticking our dick into a cash machine. Again.
Gigolo Jane: A.I.: Artificial Intelligence
Any article on hot robo-chicks is bound to have a few prostitute-i-trons in there, and when it comes to hot bots, Ashley Scott as Gigolo Jane really takes the cake. She almost makes watching A.I. tolerable, except she only has about 30 seconds of screen time (not nearly enough for us to take our pants off), and then Haley Joel Osment makes a face like a sad puppy dog for 120 minutes and we begin drinking gallons of water whilst Google Mapping directions to Stanley Kubrick's grave.
All we really know about her is that she is friends with Jude Law's character, Gigolo Joe, an android who humps lonely housewives for a living. And that she's really really attractive.
The true travesty is that a movie called
Gigolo Jane: Fuckbot probably would not have gotten such an all-star cast. Besides that, once again we find that readily-available, super-hot sex slaves are the silver lining on the cloud that is a bleak, dystopian future, blah blah blah.
We get it: the streets seem dirty, everyone looks miserable and there never seems to be any sunshine. The same could be said about Reno, and Reno's sex slaves sure don't look like Ashley Scott.
And so for the 37th time on this site, but probably for the best reason yet, we would like to welcome the coming apocalypse.
Read one of the other 36 times we've begged for the end times in 5 Kick-Ass Sci-Fi Apocalypses (That Could Actually Happen). Or, enjoy S Peter Davis's tour through the The History of the Sitcom. If all this talk of the end of the world has you down, you could probably use the inspirational thoughts contained in this video. Or, if for some odd reason you prefer to read, then go check out how Dan O'Brien and the blog readers made life hell for one editor at biographicon.com.