Now upon first inspection of the photo for this auction, it appeared to us that "robsue" was trying to start a bidding war for Jesus (with a Buy It Now price of $2). In reality, what rob or sue seems to be selling is a playing card with the Shroud of Turin on it. While we can imagine nothing more exhilarating than getting onto the playground and trying to trade our Jesus playing card for your best friend's Mark McGuire rookie card, the seller only ups the ante once you read the description.
That's right, it's a genuine HOLOGRAM Jesus collectible card. Now we're not one to call something sacrilegious, but putting the King of Kings on par with the pack of X-men hologram cards you got in a box of Cap'n Crunch may be a little much.
Mmmm, nothing gets us going more than 40-year-old used pornography!
Fortunately these are all in good condition and still have the centerfold intact (the seller seems to have done some extensive research into this).
The poor old guy is probably thinking, "These poor, young internet users! Where else shall they find the pornography in these prudish times? Why, these four crusty magazines are likely the only porn they shall ever see!"
We're afraid it's a buyer's market for porn these days, kind sir. Not only are every one of these 1965-era naked pictures available online somewhere, for free, but we can also get you hi-res pictures of what those models look like in 2008. For that is the magic of the internet.
Have you ever thought to yourself, "Hey, I would really like to own the largest nut in the world, but I'm only a millionaire!" Well, you're finally in luck.
According to this poorly worded auction, the Seanut is the largest nut in the world "that been register in Guinness Records." Interestingly, in his effort to sell the item, the seller has completely forgotten to note how much the nut looks like genitalia.
Our big problem is that for the $367,000 asking price, it's not at all clear how big this nut is. He should have put something next to it for scale. Is it the size of an ash tray? A bowling ball? A car? Can kids climb on it? Can we put it in the yard and sell tickets? Can we hollow it out and live inside it? And call it Fort Vulva?
OK, now who in their life hasn't either wanted real x-ray glasses or the ability to become invisible? Well billwwilliams is here to finally answer your prayers.
Now, if we are to believe this auction (and of course we want to), then the secret to invisibility has been kept secret for thousands of years and is one of the "best-kept secrets of the ages." But the subtitles at the beginning CLEARLY state that this isn't a magic trick or a ninja technique.
What gives!? Who wants some crappy invisibility that ninjas don't even use? The auction goes on to screw itself over by CLEARLY stating at the bottom and in its description that it is to be used for "MORAL PURPOSES ONLY." What kind of crap is that? If you're doing something moral, you sure as hell don't need to be invisible. That's the stuff you want people to see.
The last nail in the coffin to this potentially kickass auction is the fact that the secret can be "digitally delivered" to you. Fuck that, if the secret of invisibility is "digital" we're getting it off fucking BitTorrent. Then we're hiring ourselves out as an invisible assassin, charging millions to the highest bidder, changing the course of nations with a stroke of our invisible blade. Or maybe just use it to sneak into girls' locker rooms.
If you got this far, you'll probably like our list of the 25 Most Baffling Toys from Around the World or, check out eBay's cameo in our wildly popular video about what happens when Google's parents go out of town for the weekend.