So wait, you want to make a half-hour show with a season of at least 13 episodes out of those cavemen from the Geico commercials? How can that go wrong?!? And just in case anyone was wondering, I'm going to reveal the premise behind every joke you'll ever see on the show: "See? It's because they're cavemen."
Sam I Am
In the touching television adaptation of the Sean Penn movie of the same name, a retarded guy does things that are really discomforting and make you feel bad. No, I'm just kidding, it's actually a show starring the daughter from Married...With Children that no one's going to watch.
Four guys at different stages in their life ride together to work. Imagine the intense drama of Kevin wondering what kind of donut Jeff is eating. Or if Tim, the driver, is jealous of Hank, who's catching a couple Z's in the back seat. Shit, why did Hank drink all that coffee? Will they ever get out of this traffic jam?!?! Tuesday nights on ABC!
detective discovers that he can touch people and bring them back from
the dead. Which throws his recent necrophilia kick straight to hell, let
me tell you.
Some woman who was on Grey's Anatomy stars in a spinoff of Grey's Anatomy - because nothing makes for better TV than people who are supposed to be spending their day saving lives instead gossiping and giggling like middle schoolers. And now it's taking place in a different city!
Dirty Sexy Money
In the most avant garde new show of the season, ABC devotes an entire hour of airtime a week to nothing but artfully composed shots of 100-dollar bills that have been dropped in a mud puddle and have stick-figure naked women drawn on them. Critics are expected to love it.
dudes are all, like, really rich and head companies or something. Look,
it's a show about douche bags, so watch it if you're into that sort of
Women's Murder Club