Kenny Loggins Either Laughed Or Cried At Latest South Park

You just know that “Secretary of War” Pete Hegseth sees himself as a Maverick-type figure, but South Park just took him to the danger zone and discovered that he’s a cowardly, attention-starved f—ing douche.

For the last couple of months, Kenny Loggins has been fighting to stop President Donald “Saddam Hussein” Trump from using his smash-hit song “Danger Zone” in presidential propaganda posts. Last month, Trump used the song to score his infamous A.I. video that showed him dropping giant piles of feces from a fighter jet onto protesters at the No Kings marches across the country, prompting Loggins to put out a public statement condemning the use of his song from the Top Gun soundtrack for such divisive, undignified slop.

Unfortunately, Loggins had little legal recourse to stop Trump from putting the song in his social media posts, as the video likely falls under fair use – as did Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s cover of “Danger Zone,” which they unveiled in tonight's new South Park episode “Turkey Trot” in a flying “fuck you” to Hegseth and his pathetic antics.

In “Turkey Trot,” Hegseth flies into South Park on the orders of President Trump to try and free imprisoned billionaire antichrist expert Peter Theil, whom the South Park Police Department believe to be the head of a cartoon pedophile ring. Naturally, the hard-nosed South Park cops aren't intimidated by Hegseth's performative, self-absorbed social media bullshit, and they kick his ass out of the station – twice. 

Hegseth spends most of the episode crying on Instagram Live about how South Park has been taken over by woke liberal Antifa terrorists before targeting the town's Saudi-Arabia-sponsored Thanksgiving 5K for some extrajudicial skull-smashing. At the end of the episode, Hegseth single-handedly assaults half the racers to the tune of “Danger Zone,” only the lyrics of the chorus in this version of the song are “Pete Hegseth's a f---ing douche” instead of the usual “highway to the danger zone.”

At the end of the montage, SPPD catches up to Hegseth and they throw him in jail alongside Theil.

Presumably, Loggins will like Parker and Stone's take on “Danger Zone” a lot more than what Trump did with the song. Even before Trump pissed off Loggins by slapping “Danger Zone” on an A.I. propaganda video, Loggins wrote an original song for the 2016 parody film Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie, fittingly titled “The Art of the Deal.” 

Despite how hyper-nationalist reactionaries love to co-opt his work for their bullshit causes, Loggins has always seen through douches like Trump and Hegseth who think that playing a badass patriot on Instagram makes them a big strong boy in real life.

Nevertheless, this probably won't be the last time someone puts the tune of “Danger Zone” to footage of the military under Hegseth committing some extrajudicial acts of violence. Loggins has a long road ahead of him – but hopefully Parker and Stone were able to meet him halfway.