‘South Park’ Fans Shouldn't Be Divided Over Whether Or Not Cartman Is A Monster

Is Eric Cartman really a violent, remorseless bigot, or is he just a troubled, sensitive kid from a broken household who is tragically misunderstood? The answer is up for debate, for some strange reason.

As the living embodiment of America's worst behaviors, Cartman has committed some pretty heinous crimes over the last 28 years of South Park. He injected his friend with HIV. He fed Scott Tenorman his own parents. He had Cthulhu level the entire city of San Francisco. Cartman is, objectively, a ruthless, manipulative neo-Nazi, and he can't just blame his wild disregard for human life and dignity on some daddy issues – but his fans sure can.

To many members of the South Park following, Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and their classmates aren't just characters in a TV-MA-rated cartoon created and voiced by middle-aged iconoclasts – they are beloved comfort characters, and picking a favorite means defending them no matter what crimes against humanity they've committed.

As such, one Cartman fan went on the offensive late last week against the rest of the South Park stans who portray Cartman as ontologically evil rather than a lonely, sensitive, hilarious child. Other South Park Twitter users argued that someone who calls themselves “Cartmanologist” might be a little too close to the issue.

While the Cartmanologist quickly found themselves in the minority in defending Cartman's character – his treatment of minorities being a focal point in the debate – there are clearly plenty of South Park fans out there who are truly buying into the “he's just a neglected kid acting out” angle when it comes to Cartman's worst crimes.

The second part of the pro-Cartman crowd's excuse – that Cartman can grow out of his worst behaviors – hinges on the future we saw adult Cartman enjoy in the streaming special South Park: Post COVID. In that eventuality, Cartman converts to Orthodox Judaism, becomes a rabbi and raises a loving family whom he fights to defend from non-existence. 

However, sadly for Cartman, his would-be children and his passionate fans, the events of South Park: Post COVID: The Return of COVID changed the timeline and erased his happy ending, and, pending further adjustments to the canon, Cartman is doomed to become a homeless alcoholic asshole.

Sadly, we know that Cartman will not reform in the theoretical future of South Park when Trey Parker and Matt Stone allow the kids to mature past ten years old. But, I mean, even if Cartman could change, no amount of religious reformation will ever undo the death and destruction he caused before he hit puberty – there's no prayer in Judaism that will magically make Scott Tenorman un-eat his parents.