Thanksgiving Is When We’re Most Grateful For How ‘South Park’ Spurned Jerry Seinfeld

Back when South Park was still young, Jerry Seinfeld wanted to play a role in the hot new show that was putting up numbers in his, uh, “target demographic.” Thankfully, Trey Parker and Matt Stone drove him away when it was time to talk turkey.

In the first season of South Park, Parker and Stone dove head first into the holidays with three straight episodes centered around Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. While each of these entries – “Pinkeye,” “Starvin’ Marvin” and "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" respectively – made valuable contributions to the foundational canon of the series, the middle one was vital to the establishment of the series’ very ethos due to what (or whom) it didn’t feature. 

“Starvin’ Marvin” told the story of a poor Ethiopian child who spent the Thanksgiving season in South Park while Dr. Mephesto’s mutant turkey horde wreaked havoc on the town. Famously, if Seinfeld had more humility, he could have made his South Park debut in the episode, having reached out to Parker and Stone in hopes of securing the second-ever celebrity guest appearance in the show's early history.

Unfortunately for Seinfeld – and fortunately for every South Park fan who didn't want the show to become yet another platform for A-listers to sniff their own farts – the only role Parker and Stone were willing to offer the Seinfeld star was “Turkey #29," a part which 90's Seinfeld turned down so fast you'd think it was a woman his age.

In the archives of the South Park Studios website, one South Park fan wrote in to inquire about a rumor they had heard regarding a potential celebrity casting in “Starvin' Marvin” about a month after the episode first aired. “My dad told me that the guy from Seinfeild called you guys and he said he wanted a part and you said he can be turkey #29 in the Starvin Marvin episode. If this is true (sic)?!” the fan asked.

“Hahaha, yes, that's pretty much the jist of what happend (sic),” Parker and Stone's webmaster replied, “Jerry Seinfeld's agent called and asked if there was a possibility to make an appearence on the show, seeing as how Jerry loved it so much. When Matt and Trey told him about the turkey, his agent was a bit putt off.”

As Seinfeld and his agent quickly learned, even in Season One, the spirit of South Park was so antithetical to the culture of celebrity worship that Parker and Stone could not allow a 43-year-old Seinfeld to steal the show, especially with his extremely limited voice acting chops. Despite the choice of mascot at South Park Elementary, South Park had no sacred cows, and cashing in on star power for some cheap publicity was less appealing than flashing a middle-finger at the biggest names in entertainment.

For instance, just four episodes earlier, Parker and Stone made George Clooney, whom the South Park creators credit with getting the series greenlit in the first place, play the role of Sparky the gay dog in “Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride.” 

And, yet, Seinfeld, who was so excited about the new crass cartoon comedy that he tried to pull some strings to land a part on it, couldn't be bothered to gobble a few gobbles. But, ultimately, we're thankful that South Park knew itself even in those early days and stuck by its mission to never flatter a celebrity, no matter how big the name.

Well, except for Brian Boitano, of course.