February is a super short month, but somehow they've packed a whole lot of horrible into just 28 days. Here are the least anticipated TV shows this month.
#4. Betty White's Second Annual 90th Birthday Special (NBC, February 5)
Yes, it was adorable the first few hundred times we heard nonagenarian Betty White drop the F-bomb, but now that shtick's about as fresh as day-old Depends. Unfortunately, not everyone has taken note of the Betty White oversaturation situation. In a move that proves that networks have completely given up on providing fresh, original programming, Betty White's Second Annual 90th Birthday Special will air on NBC this month.
To show that Betty can still run with the younger crowd, they've enlisted the help of celebrities Bill Cosby, Whoopi Goldberg, and Lily Tomlin to provide the comic relief. Will Betty White curse? Will Bill Cosby scold her for it? We are almost certain none of you will find out.
#3. Be My Valentine (Hallmark Channel, February 9)
Those suspenders are holding back a belly the size of Alec Baldwin's ego.
This month, Billy Baldwin, aka the other one who also isn't Alec, finally returns to leading man status in the Hallmark Channel original movie Be My Valentine. In Hallmark's most contrived offering since the debut of their Mahogany line of greeting cards, "Firefighter Lieutenant Dan Farrell (William Baldwin) is a widower and single dad who isn't looking for love."
And to that, love says, "Nobody listens to you anymore, Billy Baldwin." Love finds him in a way that only the minds at Hallmark could conceive, so rest assured, some of it is going to happen at a farmer's market. If you want more specifics, tune in to the premiere, or watch the entire movie in 30 seconds by checking out this trailer.
#2. Gypsy Sisters (TLC, February 10)
Reality television has done an awesome job of teaching us that trashy behavior knows no socio-economic or cultural boundaries. In their continuing commitment to foster this awareness, Gypsy Sisters debuts on the Learning Channel this month. The show features a group of West Virginian gypsies, most notably "Hellie Mellie," a 23-year-old twice-divorced stripper with a self-proclaimed violent temper. Mellie and her sister Nettie are reality TV legacies of sorts: 10 years ago, their mother, con artist Lottie Mae Stanley, was featured on America's Most Wanted and is now serving time, but soon to be released from jail. Viewers can look forward to a post-incarceration mother-daughter reunion, along with the requisite conspicuous consumption, cat fights, and nip slips that go hand in hand with this genre.
Or you could have some standards and watch the return of The Walking Dead that night with everyone else. Just know that the choice is yours.
#1. The Westminster Kennel Club 137th Annual All Breed Dog Show (USA, CNBC, February 11-12)
It's the second oldest continuous sporting event in the U.S. and the only one that can advertise "dozens of bitches onscreen" and still air on CNBC. So what's not to look forward to about the Westminster Kennel Club All Breed Dog Show? Well, it's inhumane, for one. Their draconian breeding standards and cosmetic surgery requirements do those adorable pups way more harm than good.
Even worse, this event has less balls than half its participants. Proof? A few years back, they weren't even brave enough to televise a PETA protest that amounted to nothing more than the unfurling of a sign that read "Mutts Rule." This drew gasps from the crowd, because when you're in an arena filled with people transfixed at the sight of a dog jogging in circles, it doesn't take much to elicit a gasp.
Take our advice -- give this scandal waiting to happen a pass and rent Best in Show instead.
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