Awesome Video Of The Day
Japan’s Dreaming Of A Weird Christmas
With all this talk lately about green energy, I think it’s high time we start seriously considering electric eels as viable sources of clean energy. If all it takes is one eel to power your Christmas tree this year, then all you’d need to host an awesome holiday party would be one extra eel to power the stereo, a few more for the fridge, TV, and karaoke machine, and maybe a little one for the doorbell. You know - so you’ll know when the guests show up. Tell everyone to come around 9:30. That should leave you plenty of time to drive your creepy eel-powered car down to the pet store to buy a whole shitload of eel food.
With 2008 just around the corner, the web is abuzz with end-of-the-year lists on just about every topic you can think of. Whether it’s news stories, celebrity gossip, gadgets, or films, it seems like pretty much everyone with an internet connection and a pulse has something definitive to say about some aspect of 2007. I thought about doing a list myself, but I decided that would be too much work. Which brings us to this week’s theme: end-of-the-year best-of lists. Just in a general sort of way.
2007: The Year of the List
So I’m reading this Yahoo! News article about the best and worst autograph signers of 2007, learning all about “who’s cool — and who’s cruel” in Hollywood, when I start wondering: who comes up with this shit? Who are these people who are able to put together a definitive list on this subject?
Upon further reading, not only did I learn that the answer is Autograph Magazine, but I also found out that Will Ferrell has turned into an asshole and Russell Crowe has gotten better. Thanks for the heads-up, Autograph Magazine.
I could go off on a rant about how ridiculous it is that there is an entire magazine dedicated to autographs, but magazines can probably get way more esoteric than that so I’ll keep my mouth shut.
At least now I know exactly what magazine to subscribe to if I ever get really into collecting autographs. Not that I would ever do that, of course. I DEFINITELY don’t do that now, especially. Nope - I definitely do NOT already subscribe to Autograph Magazine, and I’m definitely not sitting near a giant stack of back issues… right next to my HUGE AUTOGRAPH COLLECTION. No way. That’s definitely not what’s happening right now.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 19th, 2007 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Animals, Celebrities, Christmas, Global Warming, Nooners, Video. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 6th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Awesome write-up, really! I really love this time of the year!
June 14th, 2008 at 11:24 am
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March 18th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Hey, ‘true’—thanks for the big pat on the back. Now I’m going to take a spin in my Hummer, heat up the world just a LITTLE bit more, maybe spend some of that 50% of the world that we 1% control—and maybe, JUST maybe if I’m feeling a bit frisky, roast a coupla baby seals over the fireplace. Fun!
February 26th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for all of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Do the Japs even celebrate xmas? Fucking Eel power. Bad ass. I want that eel car. I’d have it all clear on the outside so people can see the eels smimming around. Do they shock each other? How do they mate? Well, if they shocked each other, I’d make separate see thru containers for them, no biggie. What if a positive eel got together with a negative one? Would they stick together? Fucking change your polarity, Fred!! I kill myself.
December 21st, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Gotta imagine Reagan isn’t signing many autographs these days…
Also, as cool as the eel thing is in theory, anybody notice how the tree would flicker wildly as the eel moved? This is Japan people, the nation which concieved of a game show consisting of people being fired out of port-a-potties on jetskis, can’t they develop something to prevent the eel powered tree from causing seizures?
December 21st, 2007 at 7:00 am
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue!!!
I’ll be here all week, try the veal. I broke the calves legs myself.
December 20th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
I actually delved into your “esoteric” magazine world for a minute, starting with Tubanews.com. Here is a snippet I pulled off the site :
“Frequently, because of my affiliation with TubaNews, my own web site and blog, I’ve been asked to review some the new tuba CDs arriving on the market.”
a. He uses the word frequently in regards to his expertise in all things tuba. Fascinating. How frequent can it possibly be? Once a month?
b. “…new tuba CDs arriving on the market.” What market is that!? Are these CDs that are solely tuba, or tuba-centric.. I need to know. I’m going to investigate.
Tubanews has me fascinated. I guess the eels were pretty cool too.
December 19th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
“It might be less wooden performance than Keanu Reeves…”
It’d probably be a lot more fluid.
December 19th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
It might be less wooden performance than Keanu Reeves…
December 19th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
We need to make a virtual world for the eels. But then a Neo-eel would rise up and do whatever it was he did! Zoom around and shit.
Actually, I would totally watch an all-eel version of The Matrix.
December 19th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Nick, I think you are more right than you realize. You’ll need to be terminated as your program is useless now.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I don’t think the eel gives a shit.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
The Matrix comes to mind, but we’re the robots, and the eels are the humans. And, instead of giving them a virtual world, we force them to sit in a boring ass tank with NOTHING in it.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Actually, that Electric Eel thing is kinda cool. Can’t diss the Japanese on that one.
Autograph Magazine?! What kind of magazine is that? Is it just some asshole showing off all the autographs he has?
Well, kudos to him for getting actual subscribers.