I know life can be tough. That's why every now and then we here at Cracked like to remind you that it isn't as bleak as it seems. Despite what the news likes to report, most people are good, the world can be a nice place, and there are plenty of happy stories out there that don't get enough coverage.
Sorry, but this isn't one of those times.
#5. Kesha Is Forced To Work With A Producer She Accused Of Assault
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Ke$ha was your standard pop singer. She had a few big hits and then just kind of went away. So far, the story of thousands of pop princesses. No one really seemed concerned about her being gone; it's not like Beyonce or Adele suddenly went missing from the charts. Plus, it was hard to care too much about someone who used a dollar sign in her name.
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And who culturally appropriated from our native glitter tribe.
But then suddenly Kesha (she did eventually drop the dollar sign) was back in the news, and now if she wants to change her name to The Artist Formerly Known as Ke$ha, I will support her, because of the reason she's stopped recording. Basically, she had a contract that was forcing her to collaborate with her accused rapist, producer Dr. Luke.
I should probably be clear that the lawsuit I'm talking about is NOT about if Dr. Luke did sexually assault her, and that he has never been convicted of any crime along those lines. But whatever happened between them, it was enough for Kesha to risk her career by confronting a man with a lot of power in the industry and by refusing to record with him.
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I'm starting to think this guy isn't even a real doctor.
As her lawyer pointed out, the average career length of a pop star is a couple years total. To go away for any length of time could be musical suicide. But her contract locked her into recording under Dr. Luke's label, which in turn was working for Sony. A judge had to decide if she could break that contract so she could record away from the man she accused of raping her and verbally abusing her.
Because this article is not titled "5 Happy And Joyous Things Happening In The News (And Also Some Puppies)," you probably know where this is going. The judge decided that a business contract was more important that Kesha feeling comfortable in her workplace. Since then numerous famous female singers who have worked with Dr. Luke have made very carefully worded statements about how he might not be the nicest guy.
And if you're still not sure who to side with, Dr. Luke's sister gave an exclusive to the Daily Mail professing his innocence. I think that pretty much sums it up.
#4. A Hotel Patron Recorded Erin Andrews Changing
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What if I told you that Cracked had some cutting-edge technology, and that we've taken over your webcam and been recording you for the last four and a half minutes. Have you done anything embarrassing? Picked your nose? Maybe you're naked. Even if you are fully clothed you probably don't want that footage getting online.
And all we want is $1,000 and a bite of that cake you're eating.
When you're alone in your home, you should feel safe that people aren't watching you. And hotels are just a home away from home. But things went drastically wrong for sportscaster Erin Andrews when two different hotels she was staying at gave enough information to her stalker that he was able to rent the rooms next to her and alter the peepholes so he could record her changing. Then he put that footage online, where it went viral. This was way back in 2009, when going viral on the internet usually involved Digg and/or an actual computer virus. So it was a big deal.
Fortunately, the peeping Tom was sentenced to two and a half years in prison. And after a lawsuit against the hotels, Andrews was awarded $55 million (although she just settled with them for an unknown amount). But just like the Fappening or that time your mom put your seventh-grade school picture on Facebook proved, nothing on the internet ever goes away.
DO NOT go looking for the footage, or your grandparents will be very disappointed.
So while Andrews could probably buy a house in every city she needs to stay in from now on with the money she won from the suit, she's never going to be able to get her privacy completely back. And you'll probably never stay in a hotel without checking the peephole again.
#3. Peyton Manning Showed His Junk To A Trainer, Ruined Her Career
Everyone who has played sports knows that locker rooms can get a bit playful, what with all the strong men showering together and snapping towels and ... that IS what happens, right? Do not ruin this fantasy for me.
But even athletes know where the line is, and back in 1996 Peyton Manning crossed it big time.
No, not like that.
He was a student at the University of Tennessee at the time, and a trainer named Jamie Ann Naughright was examining his foot. During the course of this examination, he started asking her personal questions, seemingly trying to ask her out. When she turned him down, he pulled down his pants and pressed both his testicles and bare ass to her face. Then he sat on her. Now, I might not have a degree in Kinesiology, but I don't think that is necessary to figure out what is wrong with someone's foot.
Since colleges always take sexual assault allegations toward star quarterbacks seriously, Manning's punishment was losing his privilege to eat in the player's dining room and having to run at 6 a.m. for two whole weeks!
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Eat with the peasants? Why not just put him in the stocks while you're at it?
So why am I bringing up something that, while terrible, happened 20 years ago? Because for Naughright, the experience never went away. I don't just mean she has to live with it the rest of her life; I mean it keeps getting brought up, and she suffers from it. First Manning mentioned it in his 2000 autobiography, and she sued him for defamation of character over that book in 2003 after it caused her to lose her new job. Then she sued him again in 2005 for violating the terms of their agreement by talking about it in a documentary. And then every time he made it to the Super Bowl, someone would drag it up again. As recently as February it was back in the news, when someone at ESPN actually got their hands on the notes made by the person who took her call at a sexual assault center right after it happened. That should be encouraging to read for anyone who has been harassed.