If we didn't die in video games, there would be no challenge. We'd just sit there endlessly mowing down our enemies until we lapsed into a Ruffles-and-Mountain-Dew coma. But there's death by necessity, as a game mechanic, and then there's death as some sort of David Lynchian tool of bizarre metaphysical torture. Here are six more video game deaths that are trying to make some kind of statement, but all we really get is "Fuck you, buddy."
6Kill A Character From Another Game In Metal Gear Solid 3 And Create A Time Paradox
From life-draining cigarettes, to enemies dying of old age, to a 60-foot man pretending to be a dinosaur taking you back to his love nest, Metal Gear games have always had a unique outlook on the "Game Over" screen. The strangest of all, however, is in Metal Gear Solid 3, a game whose confusing plot takes place several decades before the confusing plots of the other ones.
This is just an elaborate way to cover up the fact that Hideo Kojima can't count.
In MGS3, you run into a young man named Ocelot. He's only a lackey in this game, but he was/will be a boss in MGS1 and the puppet-master in MGS2 before becoming the main villain in MGS4 and indifferently reading Wikipedia articles in MGS5. Anyway, about an hour into the third game, you fight Ocelot and promptly knock him out:
At this point you're meant to leave him passed out on the floor and continue on with your mission while getting ambushed by half-hour long cutscenes. Some of those cutscenes, incidentally, feature Ocelot, who shows up every now and again to duel you, shoot your eye out, and molest women. So, what happens if you just kill the bastard while you can?
"We'll be there in an hour to collect your other MGS games and throw them in the garbage."
Yep, Ocelot is so integral to the plot of this franchise that by shooting him (or stabbing him eight times in the kidneys), you've ripped apart the timeline. Colonel Campbell, Snake's handler in the future, berates you through time and space -- and this isn't even a time-travel story. That's how badly you fucked up; you destroyed the very concept of cause and effect. You even get a different "Game Over" screen: Rather than the text "Snake Is Dead" transitioning into "Game Over," you get "Ocelot Is Dead," which morphs into "Time Paradox." On the HD re-releases, you also get an aptly named achievement for losing this way:
Of course, that isn't technically true, since Zero would still create the Patriots and ...
*descends into 20,000-word hypothesis of MGS sans Ocelot*
5Try To See Lara Naked In Tomb Raider II And She'll Explode
Every kid in the '90s had that friend, the one whose uncle worked for PlayStation and who totally knew how to see Lara Croft nude. All you had to do was boot up Tomb Raider II, take one step forward, one step backward, spin the camera three times, and do a somersault. Of course, you'd tell him he was full of shit ... then wait until your parents weren't home and give it a shot anyway, with a box of Kleenex within reachable distance. Just in case.
Then you'd try the trick and, to your surprise, something actually happened! Just not what you were expecting.
And thus was born a generation of boys with an inexplicable fireball fetish.
Lara would explode into a bunch of sexy pixels, thus ending your game and your hopes for ever finding out what her pyramidal nipples look like. Why would the developers be so inhumanly cruel? Well, while the game's creators definitely knew about all the "naked Lara" rumors, this wasn't originally intended as a way to prank horny teenagers -- it's just what happens when you try to input any legitimate cheat code from the first Tomb Raider into the second one. Remember, this was back when cheats were part of the main game and not microtransactions.
And GameFAQs was relevant.
The false code gained a new life thanks to trollish video game magazines, and many a teenager flew too close to the sun and ended up losing all unsaved progress to the joke. We also like to believe there was at least one guy who tentatively approached a cliff, thought the distance too far, took a step back, rotated the camera a couple of times to spot a different path, and just took a leap of faith only to end up supremely confused.
Why would you want to see her naked, anyway? Minecraft Steve is more reasonably proportioned.