5 Unexpectedly Perverted Tourist Attractions (NSFW Pics)

#2. The Skyward Erections of Stoivadeion

Geraki/Wikimedia

As the God of War games taught us, Greece has a rich mythological history. Ancient religious shrines are to the island of Delos what meth labs are to the Midwest, and no shrine is more memorable than the Stoivadeion, a temple of Dionysus. That's because at first glance Dionysus appears to be the god of giant boners.

There are more dicks in the Stoivadeion than in a men's locker room. Dionysus (Roman name Bacchus) was the god of wine, transformation (both literal and the kind that comes from drinking too much wine), pleasure, and the general practice of getting drunk, partying it up all night, and wondering where the hell you are when you wake up with a splitting headache in an unfamiliar bed the next morning.

For obvious reasons, festivals dedicated to Dionysus were the most popular parties on the block. The biggest festival, the Great Dionysia, featured plenty of dramatic and comedic plays, along with a parade of phallic symbols. Some scholars believe that the Greeks and Romans considered penises to be a symbol of protection against evil, so if a hobo ever flashes you in the park, maybe he's just trying to guard you from harm.

Gradiva/Wikimedia
Stone cocks can protect anything -- except for themselves. Alas!

Then there were the Dionysian Mysteries, a ritual performed by a cult of Dionysus. While its specifics and their meaning have been muddled by history, it boils down to everyone getting trashed on wine, dancing around a lot, and generally going nuts. The ritual was especially important to women, which kind of makes the worshipers of Dionysus the ancient equivalent of woo girls.

With all of that debauchery in mind, it's no surprise that big ol' boners ended up being one of Dionysus' symbols. Even the penises have penises: Look closely at this column and you'll notice that it features a carving of a rooster that's had its head replaced by a, er, cock.

PhattyFatt/Wikimedia
It's a pun on "cock." And "white meat." And "choke the chicken." And "dickhead."

Although Dionysus' statues are crumbling, his influence remains -- scholars have noted that Christianity features many parallels with the Dionysus cult, including the use of wine and bread in rituals and the worship of a god who died and came to back to life. Man, if the giant boner aspect had been carried over too, going to church would be a lot more interesting.

#1. The Human/Animal Orgies at the Temples of Khajuraho

Obeid/Panoramio

Khajuraho is an ancient Indian temple city that was built between 950 and 1050. Only 20 of its 85 temples survive, but their gorgeous carvings are more than enough for tourists to feast their eyes on. Those that have survived the ravages of time are rightfully considered to be masterpieces of Indian art. Khajuraho has even been made a UNESCO Heritage Site because, simply put, where else could you see a man fucking a donkey in such exquisite detail?

Georgios Giannopoulos
We're with you, horrified guy in the back.

While many of the carvings are religious or display mundane scenes of secular life, others are scenes right out of the Kama Sutra. For instance, here is a standard orgy:

Shunya.net
Or, alternatively, the sexiest wheelchair in history.

And while we're not entirely sure what's going on below, it's definitely dirty.

Shunya.net
Only if you let it make you feel guilty.

Every sex act that you can imagine, and some that you can't, is depicted on the walls. Why? Because these temples were built by the Chandella dynasty, which followed tantric doctrines. They believed that male and female couldn't exist without each other, that everything in life depended on balance and harmony between them, and that this was best communicated through the metaphor of hardcore fucking.

via Shunya
The midget licking your thigh represents faith.

As you may have picked up on, society at the time was very open about sex. Sexual intercourse was seen as a spiritual experience, which probably led to a whole lot of bad pickup lines and suspicious justifications. "Look, baby, I'm OK with not doing anal, but the cosmic balance is demanding it!"


Laura H's notable achievements include playing a witch in a musical and surviving Catholic school. Follow her on Twitter.

Related Reading: At least the perverts who attend these attractions aren't as bad as the normal tourists who carve their name into the pyramids. Or the rich tourists who hire disabled people to get through the lines at Disneyworld. If you'd like some tips on tourism of the non-awful variety, check out this handy guide.

Always on the go but can't get enough of those sweet, sweet dick jokes? We have an Android app and iOS reader for you to pick from so you never miss another article.

Are you a fan of money, everlasting glory, but really just money? We want to give you that! (Particularly the money part.) Enter as many designs as you want into our T-shirt contest and you might just win $500.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

407 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!