#7. Young Frankenstein -- Poland
Attaboy, Poland. Young Frankenstein is a Mel Brooks comedy starring Gene Wilder as Dr. Frankenstein's grandson and Marty Feldman's crazy eyes as Igor. So naturally the Polish, for no other reason than being the Polish, decided that the best representation of this wacky comedy was a hooded figure with half of his face skin peeled off and (his own?) mechanical hand forcing the remaining half to grin and bear it. Is that supposed to be Igor? Does Poland have a vendetta against crazy eyes or something?
#6. Planet of the Apes -- Romania
This poster for Planet of the Apes promises squid-handed ape monsters with Michael Jackson's fashion sense, barrel-chested leading men in Victoria's Secret poses and flame-haired women orgasmically calling out Charlton Heston's name. But we suppose they had to include some realism in there somewhere -- after all, is there any other way for a woman to call out Charlton Heston's name?
#5. Raging Bull -- Poland
Leszek Zebrowski via Polish Poster
Raging Bull is about Jake LaMotta's inability to reconcile life inside and outside the ring, and this poster at first appears to be an accurate, if overly symbolic depiction of that struggle. The boxer in the foreground is trying to free his arm from the existential monkey trap of boxing. Like the monkey in the trap, with its fist clenched around a delicious banana, LaMotta can't unclench his fist and leave behind the prize of his life as a fighter. It works on multiple levels, really, since Robert De Niro's performance is as close to an angry, stupid ape as you can come without crossing over into full retard.
But then you notice the little bits of matter flying out the back of the hole in the middle of the opponent's face and you realize that what they've actually drawn here is a boxer punching an awesome hole through the head of the other boxer. Because the movie is full of awesome violence, and that is an awesomely violent thing for one boxer to do. While it may lack the existential dread of our initial interpretation, it more than makes up for it in face punches so violent that they go through the back of the face's fucking head.
#4. Sex, Lies, and Videotape -- Poland
Andrzej Pagowski via Polish Poster (NSFW)
While one might reasonably assume from the title that it's some kind of soft core skin flick that would be right at home on late night cable, Sex, Lies, and Videotape is actually two solid hours of people talking about sex. However, this Polish poster featuring a nude woman/camera hybrid seems to promise a much more porntastic movie, one inspiring many a mid-movie "bathroom break." That is, until you really think about the videotape that would be produced by sex with that lady: an extreme close-up of James Spader's grunting, sweaty O-face.
#3. Gone With the Wind -- Poland
Joanna Gorska, Jerzy Skakun via Polish Poster
To symbolize the Civil War era love story that's been ranked the No. 4 greatest movie of all time, they've gone with an electric fan with hearts in place of the blades, thus capturing the fact that it's a love story that has "wind" in the title. Unfortunately, someone told them that Southern women would carry fans around with them to church or the courtroom to hear racist verdicts handed down in those hot, pre-air-conditioning days, and their minds immediately imagined these Southern belles walking around their tiny Southern towns with big industrial-strength electric fans, dragging what must have at least seemed like a curiously impractical tangle of incomprehensibly long wires behind them.
#2. Close Encounters of the Third Kind -- Poland
Andrzej Pagowski via Imp Awards
Our memory of the alien from Close Encounters might be a bit foggy, but we're pretty sure he was more your typical big-eyed "gray" and less E.T.'s stoner cousin. Look at the smug look on that funky fresh alien's face. He clearly just punctuated a wacky alien rap by hilariously sharting the wall behind him with whatever's spackled back there. At least we now know what Slimer from Ghostbusters looked like before he died.
#1. The Exorcist -- Poland
Jan Mlodozeniec via Polish Poster
According to Poland, The Exorcist is about Satan taking a liquid poo into the cranial cavity of a naked little girl while being all like "Oh, that? I wasn't even trying to aim there." Either that or he's sucking her brains directly into his asshole, which is what takes place in the sixth circle of hell, if we remember our Dante correctly.
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For more things that our foreign friends didn't quite get right, check out 9 Foreign Rip-Offs Cooler Than The Hollywood Originals and 6 Insane Foreign Memes That Put Lolcats To Shame.
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