6 Military Units Whose Training Would Traumatize Rambo
If you haven't guessed by their names, special operations forces are all about finding men who can perform wartime tasks above and beyond those performed by the average soldier. So how do you train somebody to survive the unsurvivable?
Well, let's just say you have to think outside the box.
#6. United States Army Special Forces Create a Massive Real-Life RPG
America has a whole bunch of special operations forces, each with its own focus and set of skills. United States Army Special Forces, or the Green Berets, are one such unit. Their primary focus is counter-terrorism and unconventional warfare, which we suspect is just code for "stuff the other pussies won't do."
Shadowspear
Like training for the inevitable war on Pandora.
What sort of thing do these guys do for practice? Well ...
The Insanity:
Exercise Robin Sage is a month-long training exercise focused on blending in in a foreign land and training guerrilla units to liberate their country. Seems pretty tame so far, but surprisingly, not many countries are really down with the whole "let a hundred American troops run around and stir up rebellion in our country for a month" idea. So America decided to simply create its own country to train in. Welcome to the Republic of Pineland, baby!
Yes, that's North Carolina. About a third of it, to be precise.
The People's Republic of Pineland is an entirely fictional country created for one purpose: to put the USASF through their paces. And when we say it's a fictional "country," we're including the people -- the residents are straight up part of the mission. The cities and towns within the 15 counties that comprise the training zone actively participate in the month-long training, with its citizens posing as citizens of "Pineland" in a vast, government-funded, open-air role playing game.
"... lightning bolt?"
People there take on a large variety of roles, from doctors and shop owners right down to one guy who has to torture other citizens before being killed in a final showdown with the soldiers. They even carry two sets of ID and have their own currency, with an exchange rate and everything. They don't stop their normal jobs, either -- the guy whose job it is to pretend to be a torturer is also a volunteer firefighter in his spare time.
Everyone who takes part does it for no more than the cost of the gas they use during the month the exercise takes place. One such citizen, when he dies, is set to receive a full military funeral for his services to his country and his selfless actions during the Robin Sage exercises, complete with a Pineland liberation flag draped over his grave. When asked why he was willing to do so much for so little reward, he simply said, "This may help save a life one day."
Gerry Broome / The Associated Press
Not to mention that having this in his wallet gets him a considerable amount of action.
But hey, at least the citizens were in on it. That's not how they used to do it in Australia, baby ...
#5. The Z Special Unit Would (Pretend To) Blow Up Its Own People
Australia is likely a fine place, but unfortunately some on the Internet have portrayed it as a ridiculously deadly, satire-hating, child-kidnapping country.
Fortunately, it's not all stereotypes and hyperbole. For example, meet the Z Special Unit, a special operations force established in WWII-era Australia with the express purpose of blowing up everything in the Pacific Ocean that even looked slightly Japanese. During the four-year period in which they were functioning, they carried out 81 operations that ranged from basic reconnaissance to blowing up most of Singapore Harbor while undercover (that is, dressed in sarongs).
"We figure, if you look good, the rest of the war will follow."
The Insanity:
It was a habit of this group to carry out mock attacks on Aussie towns unfortunate enough to be situated across the bay from Fraser Island, the unit's main training ground. So presumably, they warned the townspeople beforehand that they were about to come in and start tearing some imaginary enemy shit down.
Yeah, right. Where's the fun in that?
"These friendly civilians don't expect a thing."
The most infamous of these mock attacks, known as the Townsville Raid, was carried out in preparation for the aforementioned demolition of Singapore Harbor. At this time, Townsville was a bustling port filled with Australian warships, and as such, it was heavily defended with all the usual trappings you'd expect: mines, sentries, boat patrols and even surveillance aircraft, which was a fairly big deal at the time.
The mission? Sneak in and attach dummy limpet mines to everything that floated, while simultaneously avoiding being blown up and dismembered by their own country.
Australian War Memorial
In goddamn canoes.
At midnight on the 22nd of June 1943, the unit managed to evade all of these countermeasures and plant the mines on the hulls of 10 ships, which from a security standpoint is roughly about 10 more ships than you'd want an intruder to be able to plant mines on. The men then rowed across to their nearby rendezvous point of Ross Creek. And then, presumably in order to celebrate a job well done, they wandered back into Townsville and found somewhere to grab some sleep.
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Pictured: "Sleep."
Until 10 a.m., that is, when all hell broke loose as the mines were discovered. Mines that no one knew were fake. And keep in mind, if these things all went off and sank the boats, you'd be getting into Pearl Harbor territory in terms of losses, and in a navy that could in no way afford it.
Even when members of the Z Unit came forward and insisted the mines were fake, nobody trusted them, and they weren't allowed to dismantle them out of fear that they'd pull some other crazy shit. Their unit commander, Samuel Carey, was arrested and then eventually booted out of Z Special as a condition of his release.
Yes, even Australia has to draw the line somewhere.
#4. The North Korean Storm Corps Will Punch You to Death
Oh, North Korea, you're so damn crazy we're not sure anything you guys do is surprising anymore. To be honest, we really, really think we've covered how balls-out insane that country is.
Yet they seem to still want to find more ways to make it onto more of our lists. Being a country that is also situated right next to its number one enemy, North Korea spends a lot of time flexing its military might, or just damn well showing the hell off, to the point where the regular soldiers are so well organized you could swear they were the same guy Photoshopped over and over again.
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Someone got a little crazy with CTRL + V.
The Insanity:
North Korea has a select special group of soldiers, known only through rumors, called the Storm Corps, proving that North Korea, as well as being crazy, has a totally bitching naming system for its army. Little has ever been officially confirmed by North Korea about what the Storm Corps are or how they operate. The only thing that seems to be certain is that they have one goal: to fuck up South Korea's shit, big time. Training for that task apparently requires a strict regimen of insanity.
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Including daily courses in advanced Flag Marching.
A soldier once captured by the South Koreans revealed under interrogation that a single Storm Corp soldier trains specifically to take on between three and 15 opponents at once. Another soldier, allegedly a defector from the Storm Corps, describes how soldiers are required to punch a tree trunk 5,000 times in a row, day and night, for a month. Then they make them punch the jagged edge of a tin can until their hand is bloody and covered in pus, and then finally they start punching a pile of salt. The twisted reason for this being, of course, that the soldiers' hands become solid like a rock, thus allowing them to literally beat their enemies to death with their rock-hard fists.
The worst part is, the guy who undertook this and lived to tell about it looks like a completely regular guy. The Storm Corps could be anyone, anywhere, and you wouldn't realize it till you shook their hand and realized it felt like a brick.
dongA
"My hand could just as easily be on the other side of your chest right now."
Spetznaz rule! I love those guys. They totally defeated green berets and IRA on deadliest warrior.
ReplyI also read in Spetznaz make you raise a chicken for a week. Give it a name and become accustomed to it, and then they make you kill it with a knife.
ReplyAww... so nothing on the S.A.S where they "apparently" (I say apparently because, let's be honest, no one really knows about what they do other than them) torture them so they get used to it, or show that they can at least handle it to some point.
ReplyIn the US all troops go through SERE (survive evade resist escape) at varying levels. The upper levels involve similar POW torture scenarios to make sure they don't crack under torture.
Spetznaz scare me, even when they're just on a computer screen
Reply@palaweno22 who the hell are you to say that our military cant do their proper jobs? have you been into battlefield? have you heard the blast of an m203? stop acting as if you know a lot or should i say as if you know something in the military. learning everything using google in front of your mama's computer wont make you smart. you're a douche bag!!! and for info having a communist secession doesn't mean failure! some people really exist with a weak and small brain(just like what you have)that's why they get easily amazed with communist doctrines and join the rebels eventually.....
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesUh, ya...just like how blatant derogation of a fairly decent opinion can make you smart either.
Sorry Hollow Point, I'm still laughing at your ridiculous profile picture. Hell, you could be in the S.A.S., and that would still make you look like some kid who plays way too much CoD and owns two replicas. Anyway, I'll be less superficial, and point out that your comment also makes you look like a fool.
Yeah, the idea of people working for a common goal and sharing disgusts me!
I expected those crazy motherfuckers to be in the #1 spot. I am now even more afraid of pissing off Russians than I was before.
Replyits quite sad that in my country where you will find #3, they cannot do their proper jobs since everything in our military is mired in corruption! our country for example has the longest communist rebellion in history plus Muslim terrorists, Clan Wars, and of course Pseudo-Noble Families with their private armies.
ReplyThat says more about the civilian government and top generals than the soldiers.
In the old days of the Soviet Union, they thought it acceptable for 10% of their trainees to die in training as they would be the first 10% to die in combat anyway.
ReplyIn the North Korea storm corps one the closest guy in the second row's gun is at a slightly different angle. TO THE FIRING SQUAD WITH HIM!!
ReplyI heard somewhere that Spetznaz trainees have to take care of a pet chicken, name it, the whole nine yards, and then they have to kill it once they become attached to it.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNo, that was a cold war CIA myth, no chickens are killed for Spetsnaz training aside from the middle part of their training where they slaughter wild or farm animals themselves for food (no other food is provided) which is supposed to teach them to scavenge deep in enemy territory
No chickens are hurt because you can't relate to a chicken, GRU Spetsnaz uses Moscow stray dogs instead
That's part of GSG9 training. The German Counter terrorism special forces.
That was the Waffen SS, only they did it with puppies.
Townsville is nowhere near Fraser island. I think you mean Magnetic Island which was a big WW2 base and is situated near Townsville.
ReplyThe kaibiles in Guatemala keep, in my opinion, a quite tough training routine, too... Anti-Guerrilla operations and Anti-Subversive warfare is not easy to learn.
ReplyHe didn't mean LITERALLY traumatize Rambo. Rambo is a fictional character that the author uses to engage in hyperbole about the difficulty of these training regiments. Can we PLEASE stop the internet's weirdest pissing contest now?
ReplyThe only problem I see is the first on the list... The Green Beret training, after all Rambo WAS a Green Beret, and actually went through training that was much harder then than it is now. I agree with the rest though.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesBut ordering the Spetznaz and the SEALS is kind of tough, because both are equally traumatizing. The SEALS work your mind to the point of breaking, and the Spetznaz work your body until you are actually able to ignore the pain. Mental is much worse torture than physical, but the amount of physical punishment the Spetznaz endures is enough to make any normal person go crazy, let alone the mental torture the SEALS put you through.
So I'd have to say they are both equally traumatizing.
Rambo was a /traumatised/ Green Beret, so the title was possibly more accurate than intended.
I think I'll have the repeated Britney Spears tape played at me than the nipple clamps and car battery all the same, thanks.
The lists order really means nothing.
The only problem I see with this is that, Rambo was a Green Beret.... He took part in training that was ten times harder back in the days of Vietnam than it is today for said soldiers.... So number one is the only thing I disagree with. The rest are pretty much spot on, but I'd have to say that the Spetsnaz and the SEALS are too close to actually order on a list. The Seals work your mind, the Spetsnaz works your body. Both are equally tormentening.
ReplyI always find it funny when they say something would traumatize Rambo. The man moved to a war-torn Burma to chill out a bit. Think about that. The man decided to live in a warzone for some peace and quiet. Not a lot traumatizes good ol' John Rambo these days.
ReplySo why are the Spetznaz the bad guys?
ReplyIt can't be because they're heartless. Clearly, there are hearts everywhere around them. And heads, and arms, and...
i have only one complaint: that is a kayak. not a canoe.
ReplyNorth Korea's official sources about what its army can do?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesLooks trustworthy.
Naturally. I mean, are you going to distrust a country whose leader hits an eagle on every hole on the golf course and can control the weather?
Their founder once turned a pine cone into a grenade and used it to destroy an American tank.
The dear leader didn't even have sex with his wife-he ejaculated for the first time at five and it impregnated a girl still in the womb, and then it was decided she would be his wife.
Western journalists who thought to make it creepy and associate it with pedophilia were strangled by the sperm that didn't make it to a woman
No Israelis?
Reply