This image has been circling the Net for a while now, and it’s not hard to see why: This guy is equal parts Shaft, Lex Luthor and Doctor Who. If anybody was going to possess superpowers, but still be cool about it, it’s Professor Badass. He looks like he controls both time and panties. He looks like a man who would, if you offended him, promptly knock you unconscious with a single blow. And when you awoke - terrified to find yourself stranded in the Cretaceous Period - you'd have to just watch in helpless awe as he pleasured your girlfriend on top of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Also, if you've only seen the poster, you missed these sweet-ass hot pink loafers.The Truth: That's Kevin Stewart; fashion designer, style director for ESPN Magazine and co-owner of the Roger Charles New York design studio. So, the downside is that Professor Badass does little more than design pretty outfits for fancy boys. But the upside? This wasn’t even a photo shoot; that’s just how he rolls on an average day. Professor Badass? Shit, that's just Tuesday for Kevin Stewart. Here’s how else he rolls:
Jesus! He looks like somebody cast Isaac Hayes as Roadblock in the G.I. Joe movie that Heaven would make. If this is what men’s fashion looks like now, count me right the fuck in. I would gladly stand in line for a runway show if the models were sporting a formal Tommy Hilfiger Sword and a puce Kenneth Cole Fusion Reaction Jetpack.
4Flying Hillbilly Truck Driver
Hillbilly Tornado Man rivals the Mona Lisa for his subtle depiction of both intrigue and perplexity. What was Mona Lisa smiling about so enigmatically? Why is Hillbilly Tornado Man’s truck lodged 50 feet up a tree? Why does he look so satisfied about it? Was he caught in a twister? Did he literally ride the whirlwind? Did he just fucking drive it up there like an Appalachian Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Did he throw it?! Nobody knew, all they knew was the man had a chest like a barrel of meat, he could not afford an entire shirt and his goddamn truck was in a goddamn tree. The Truth: That's Mark Madson, and the truck behind him is actually a tree-house he built for his son, Luke, in the town of Beloit, Wisconsin. So, on the downside, the truck-in-tree was not the fantastic drunken feat of a modern day redneck Paul Bunyan, but actually just a pretty slick - if dangerously negligent - act of charity from a father to his son. None of that changes the fact that, when faced with creating a play space for his little boy, Mark Madson said “fuck you” to blueprints, cracked open a Coors Light, rammed a truck into a tree and called it a day. And it also doesn’t change the fact that, when the photographer came to do a photo shoot about it, Mark oiled up his chest-planks, threw on his formal vest and posed like he was the Captain Morgan of moonshine.
He sails the rocky seas of the Wisconsin plains, boarding minivans and plundering trucks of Natural Ice.