5 Pathetic Groups That People Think Rule the World
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Oh, look, they made another Dan Brown movie at some point. Angels & Demons deals with the deep dark secret organization, The Illuminati, and their attempts to control the world, which means you're probably going to be hearing a lot about that in the next few months on certain, paranoid websites. Yes, wide-ranging conspiracy theories aren't limited to pulp novels reenacted by a terrible Tom Hanks haircut. YouTube and Digg comments and countless blogs are full of people ranting about the secret elite who are out to enslave all of us. They have a lot of reasons for believing the following groups are the guilty parties behind everything wrong with the world, and most of those reasons are very, very retarded. #5.
The Trilateral Commission and the Bilderberg Conference
"We know you are ruthless. We know you are evil. We respect your dark power." -Radio talk show host Alex Jones, shouting into a bullhorn outside a Bilderberg meeting. Who Are They? You'll hear both of these come up during any hour of conspiracy talk radio. These are two separate, private groups of powerful men (some of them probably Jews!) who like to meet and talk about the state of the world, kind of like how guys will gather at the bar and talk about what the Yankees should do with their pitching rotation.
The Trilateral Commission is a club consisting of a few hundred rich guys from around the world, started by David Rockefeller in the early 70s in order to "foster closer relations" between America, Europe and Japan. And to bone hot ladies from distant lands. Probably. The Bilderberg Conference or "Bilderbergers" are a different group of influential guys from America and Europe who meet once a year in fancy hotels, and they've been doing it since 1954. There are a little more than 100 members and prominent politicians are known to have shown up at their meetings. By the way, they're called "Bilderbergers" because "Bilderberg" was the name of the first hotel where they met. So a small change in plans could have led them to being called the Best Westerners.
Who Thinks They Control the World? Former Presidential candidate Barry Goldwater believed the Trilateral Commission was planning something nefarious, and so does the John Birch Society. There have been books written on the subject, as well as articles in several magazines, including U.S. News and World Report and Penthouse, where paragraph after paragraph on this dark organization rubbed up against some huge, fake titties. Meanwhile, Daniel Estulin's book on the Bilderberg group is currently number one on Amazon's bestselling conspiracy theory book list.
Why People Believe It: The Trilateral Commission first appeared on the conspiracy community's radar in 1976, when freshly elected Trilateralist Jimmy Carter filled his cabinet with 26 other members of the organization. Since then, every single administration has had Trilateralists in some of its highest positions. The Bilderbergers are more secretive about their meetings, so in their case the paranoid are simply filling in the information void. If they won't tell us why they're meeting, they must be orchestrating a worldwide takeover, right? Why it's Retarded: The underlying claim behind both is that these groups of wealthy men have been working to create the infamous One-World Government that you'll see pop up in most of these conspiracy theories. They want a totalitarian regime that will enslave all of mankind, all at once. Of course these guys have had decades to establish their plan, but instead they apparently opted for plan B, One-World Clusterfuck. Europe hates America; the Middle East is more fucked than a German whore on coupon day; all China cares about is exporting delicious lead paint; and North Korea is still run by that crazy fucker with the big granny glasses. It's almost as if the result of their "one-world government" conspiracy looks exactly like the random chaos of geopolitical events we've seen for the last few thousand years.
Don't get us wrong; we suspect both of these groups would like to rule the world (so would we, in fact). But in the grand scheme of political and economic power worldwide, a few hundred important guys basically amount to a fart at a Motorhead concert. It's too much to assume that even within the groups that there is agreement about what the Master Plan should look like, since they're made up of people from different countries, political parties and competing corporations. But what conspiracy buffs are doing is taking any world event and retroactively declaring it to all be part of the Secret Plan. Economy booming? Of course, that's part of the secret plan to make the corporations control all wealth. Economy collapsing? Of course, that's part of the secret plan to destroy capitalism. If it rains, it's because the Trilateralists want a flood. If it doesn't, it's because they want drought. And both are held up as proof after the fact, so as far as they're concerned, they've got proof out the ass. #4.
The U.N.
"The antichrist will do these ten things when he comes to power. One, he will bring a one-world government. He's doing that now, at the United Nations." Who Are They? The heads of all the major nations of the world gather to write resolutions demanding one thing or other, that are promptly ignored. Who Thinks They Control the World?
Ah, here's our second reference to a "one-world government." Welcome to the fucktarded world of Apocalyptic Christianity. There is a whole layer of society that wakes up every morning and thinks, "I bet God's going to end the world today!" Then they read the newspaper and interpret absolutely every headline, from "Earthquake in Iran" to "Hugh Jackman to Host Oscars" as evidence the prophecy is coming true. The madly successful Left Behind book series depict a post-apocalyptic "end times" world that millions of Americans fully believe is coming within their lifetime and in those books, the Antichrist is, you guessed it, the Secretary-General of the United Nations.
Why People Believe It: Well, if your religion teaches that a one-world government will spell doom for mankind (a subject that the Bible actually mentions not at all) well, hell, here's a place where all of the leaders of the world gather to talk about stuff! That's practically a one-world government right there! After all, the U.N. stops countries from going to war, sucks up money from powerful nations and controls massive amounts of our precious wealth in the form of the International Monetary Fund! Why It's Retarded: Actually, it does none of that.
It tries to, yes, but it fails miserably. The U.N. voted against the war in Iraq, but the U.S. went ahead and did it anyway. The U.N. tried to get countries to interfere in Darfur. They didn't. And with the I.M.F.'s budget cuts, it's not hard to see how it hasn't shattered the hinges off of every vault in Switzerland with all its wealth. Honestly, if an organization couldn't even force the tiny republic of Mauritania to make slavery illegal until 2007, it's not in control of the world. |
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Hey, what about crab people?
Reptilians? Is that why my girlfriend taste like chicken?
If there's some more evolved form of beings than humans, chances are they are less evil. So maybe it wouldn't be that bad if they were in charge.
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Not to stir the pot or anything, but you should actually do some real research on the Reptilian agenda. I will agree that David Icke might seem just a bit "batshit insane" but from all of the information I've researched, he's actually not far off from the truth. When I first heard about the Reptilian Agenda, like most of you I thought it was completely wild. But curiosity led me to explore, and the more I uncovered, the more it actually made sense to me...
Someone should start rumors that David Icke is himself, a shapshifting alien lizard and see what happens.
How can you disprove that? He can't just say "No I'm not", because that's obviously a lie so you won't find out the truth.
He's a lizard person disguised as a crazy nutbag who is spreading the "truth" about Skru-I mean lizard people so people will think it's a crazy theory.
There. I started a new religion.
Well, that was fun...but where was my favorite candidate, the Project for the New American Century?
http://www.newamericancentury.org/iraqclintonletter.htm
Okay, they don't rule the world, but they took a serious shot at it. The stated goals of this conservative think tank are to establish American domination of the globe, and it appears that they controlled the foreign policy of the Bush White House.
Unfortunately for us, they were idiots.
I continue to be a huge fan of CRACKED.com. You guys make it easy! Thanks.
Yeah, there are some crazy assholes who believe some crazy things, but everybody who throws around the word "conspiracy" isn't one of those assholes. In the literal sense, a conspiracy is just a group of people working towards a common goal in secret. That's not so far fetched. Believing that doesn't make someone David-f*****g-Icke.
Also, f**k! I KNEW Hannah Montana was up to no good!
Serenelune,
You had a teacher, who apparently expressed or expresses this wacky ass belief, in public... and she was allowed to continue in her work as someone educating and influencing young people's minds?
And people say America's not a free country any more. Socrates lived in a democracy, tried to make kids smarter, and their government ordered he poison himself.
there's also 'evidence' in the bible that god exists....
and we all know how true that is ;)
Cracked.com, in my book you do rule the world
Great article, it's hilarious. However I would like to let you know that there is evidence in the bible which points to governments acting in accord against religion in its entirety, and that it brings on the apocalypse. And so far the UN is the only organization through which this could be made possible. However at the moment you are right, the UN doesn't have enough power to do anything.
Interesting thing to note is that the pope sent a letter to catholics stating that the UN needed teeth. He used that term. That term that is also used in Revelation regarding a beast which some people believe to represent the UN.
I'm not part of the "layer of society that wakes up every morning and thinks, "I bet God's going to end the world today!"" - but when in one week theres a huge earthquake a typhoon and a tsunami all in different parts of the world - dont you have to start wondering?
#1 is totally true! Haven't you heard of the Rh-negative blood type/Reptilian Alien conspiracy?
http://www.reptilianagenda.com/research/r110199a.shtml
I'm surprised the article didn't do the Catholic Church according to Jack Chick. According to Chick, the Catholic Church causes the Civil War, assasinated Lincoln, created Nazism and communism, started WW1 and WW2, created Mormonism and Freemasonry, created Islam as a tool for oppressiion and has the name of every protestant in a "secret super computer" in the Vatican for a second inquisition. Oh, and Ronald Reagan was apparentally a communist because he considered Pope John Paul 2, who was born in Communist Poland, a friend.
You can find tons of people online who believe this stuff!
And yet if I were a super rich guy who just wanted to discuss politics down the pub I would go down the pub not take days off my busy schedule to fly across the world to a secret meeting walled off by soldiers police & god knows.
You are being slightly disingenous about the identity of Bilderbergers being unknown since quite a few have been identified. When the prime Minister, the leader of the opposition, Ruprt Murdoch & the boss of a $trillion bank you have never heard of get together to discuss politics one would have thought the average journalist would have thought it about as newsworthy as a G8 meeting, with its photo-ops & ceremonial protesers. The fact that Murdoch's papers, & the others, don't think it worth reporting means either they know better than me that absolutely nothing interesting is happening, or that something is.
However I agree with you about the clusterfuck the world is in. This doesn't mean there is no conspiracy but simply that the conspirators aren't omnipotent beings but like the rest of us - this is the biggest single error that both extreme conspiracy theorists & ignore-the-man-behind-the-curtain theorists make.
For vomiticuss:
"eltanin" is an arabic word meaning "the dragon" so be more creative with ur lies
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its funny how in america we have this mind state of...of if the government and CNN didnt speak about it..then it must be false..everything is some "conspiracy"...never a theory..the word alone shuts down all convo..like saying COMMY...lets not forget the assasination of JFK..is a conspiracy..well the videos show him being shot 3 times from 2 angles and we are told 1 guy with a old civil war rifle did it..hahahaha..conspiracy normally means evil things done by thiose in power that we cant fully prove
i dont know about no lizard people
but i do know 6 years ago...i saw a david Icke vid..where he explained how we would soon become a 1 party system..where all efforts and money would go to the war machine and banking system..they would bleed the country dry causing a gloBAL COLLASPE...He spoke of Obama..not directly..but in the terms of the pale horse..the great hope minority that unites the masses..aka the beast...and so far most of those predictions have come alarmingly true!!!!
the aurthor is shooting down the scary fact that there hasnt been a US president since Carter who was NOT a member of the Bilderberg group..seems to leave out the fact that ALL our candidates when you do there geneology are BLOOD related..kinda down plays Obama by saying hes kenyan..notice how his MOTHERS FAMILY is nerver spoken of..there history etc..yet every other part of his life is picked apart?
correct me if im wrong but didnt the UN...take WHITE believers of jedeo christianty and give them the HOLY land..a feat their crusades could never pull off?...thes e are jewish blood people..there was NEVER a such thing as jewish race..its a RELIGION..like islam...
tell me how a 18 year old Nazi soldier is trained enough to tell the difference from a white european who practices jewdism and an actually blood line jew??...how is that even possible???...that was a set up to show the jews as the PERFECT RELIGION and true believers of god..because all they had to do was REMOVE their stars of david and no one would know they were jewish...but they stood in the face of the devil and died..thats all PROPOGANDA..
this article is either 1..written by someone who hasnt done true indepth research..so calls anything not in the text books a lie..funny when text books themselves are pure lies or 2..is written by someone who knows the real truth and is using the word "CONSPIRACY" as a tool to discredit the facts that were spoken years ago that seem to be coming true
call david icke whatever you want..just explain to me how he could predict todays outcomes like a decade ago..id just like to know how knowing the future makes you CRAZY AND INSANE...darwin and einstein prayed..thought god spoke to them..we call that NORMAL..yet a man whos studied history read facts and writings made predictions and they came true..hes crazy...if he was born 300 years ago..wed be calling him a god today
but thats our world..today is crazy..years later when all the people at fault are dead and cant be punished..then we give things credit!!!!..hmmmmmmmmmm