|
The only thing more awesome than an urban legend turning out to be true is if that same legend involves some sort of nefarious sex or groin related hilarity. Luckily, all of these qualify. #6.
Digit Ratio Theory
The Legend: "Dude, I can totally tell he's gay! Look at his fingers!" This sounds like one of those playground urban myths that adolescent males use as an excuse to punch each other. Supposedly, comparing the size of your index and ring fingers can tell whether a guy is destined to one day make out with Sulu and Andy Dick in a poorly lit alley in Hollywood. Yeah, right. Enough of your ignorant homophobia! The Truth:
Incredibly, this is a real thing. It's called digit ratio theory and multiple studies have confirmed it. Apparently if you have a longer ring finger, it means you got more testosterone as a fetus and are more likely to be hyperactive, aggressive and disgusted by anything featuring Hugh Grant. A longer index finger, on the other hand, means more estrogen, making you more neurotic and sensitive. So if your index finger is way longer than your ring finger, you're like the gayest dude ever, right?
Actually, no. Studies found that it was when the two fingers were nearly the same length that the subjects were more likely to be gay (men and women both). Why? You'll have to ask the scientists, it's technical. What we do know is a study from Rutgers looking at finger lengths in lesbians even found a noticeable difference between the "butch" ladies who drive trucks and wear flannel and the more feminine lesbians who tend to populate your fantasies. So... how far into this entry did you get before you stopped to look at your fingers? #5.
The Dong Stuck in a Pool Filter
The Legend: So you're swimming around the pool and you pass by the humming filter, sucking debris out of the water. "Hey, watch out!" yells one of your friends. "I know a guy who totally got his dick stuck in one of those!" The Truth: Did you dream about being a cop when you were a kid? Chasing bad guys and sliding over the hoods of cars? Well, here's a nice story for you that gives you a better idea of the day-to-day life of a law enforcement officer.
The police force in Lakeland, FL responded to a call from the Scottish Inn motel. The clerk had called 911 just before 5 A.M. because who else do you call when a customer tries to hump your aquatic equipment and is then unable to free himself?
Cops arrived and did what they assumed would save the day by shutting off the pump. Problem solved, right? They could only wish. For those who've never spent a half hour or so playing penis tug-o-war with a suction filter, the result is massive swelling that, as it turns out, prohibits wang removal even when the pump is shut off. Feeling not quite up to the task of shlong-liberation and assuming additional humiliation for the dude in the pool was in order, paramedics were called in. Presumably a pretty huge crowd had gathered at this point, to enjoy a solid hour of heavy lube application and group tugging until finally someone was able to make a poetic Free Willy joke and the man was taken to the hospital. #4.
The Call Girl Daughter
The Legend: A man is sent out of town for business on the company dime. Upon arrival he wastes no time and gets right to business. And by business we mean, of course, "whores." As he carefully arranges his bondage gear and furry outfits, there is a knock on the door. His whore has arrived. He opens the door, boner at full strength, to discover the call girl is none other than his own daughter. Awkward Thanksgivings ensue for years after. The Truth: In 2002, an Israeli businessman was sent to a resort called Eilat for four days where presumably his company expected him to relax a bit, learn a few new tricks to apply back at the office and not try to pork his own daughter. Very likely that was in some manner of memo regarding what was acceptable behavior during his time away, wedged between "no gambling" and "no filling your ass with firecrackers."
Unable to control his insatiable need to bone, the man ordered a call girl on his first night there. Sure enough, the woman that was sent to his room just happened to be his little girl.
The man in question suffered a minor heart attack upon seeing his daughter there, either from anguish or from the rush of blood caused by the history’s fastest wilting boner. After taking a few moments to collect themselves, we assume they shared an awkward hug and the man left for home. Likely perplexed about the best way to deal with the situation, he opted to ignore our "drink away the memories" advice and instead told his wife everything. She then vowed to not only find a better occupation for her daughter--which is arguably anything since very few occupations these days result in sex with your dad outside of some Wal-Marts in the South--but also to divorce the man. |
5 Bizarre Sexual Conditions That Can Ruin Your Life
5 Incredibly Impractical Sexual Fetishes
The Spambot Who Seduced Me: A True Story of Forbidden Love
You Write, Millions Read, We Pay You Money: Deal?
12 'Sexy' Ads That Will Give You Nightmares
7 Sex Tips from Cosmo That Will Put You in the Hospital
6 Ridiculous Sex Myths (That Are Actually True)
The 5 Creepiest Sex Scenes in Comics
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Digg
Del.icio.us
Fark
I take Clomipramine. This is the first I've heard about this. Where are my orgasms?
http://www.elivebuy.com/
Air jordan(1-24)shoes $33
Nike shox(R4,NZ,OZ,TL1,TL2,TL3) $35
Handbags(Coach lv fendi d&g) $35
Tshirts (Polo ,ed hardy,lacoste) $16
Jean(True Religion,ed hardy,coogi) $30
Sunglasses(Oakey,coach,gucci,Armaini) $16
New era cap $15
Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25
FREE sHIPPING
http://www.elivebuy.com/
WOWOWO.. Here is an interesting place ------ Cougarmatching.com ------ It's a premiere dating community for senior women and younger men to interact with each other and have fun. Thousands of single members with real photos are here waiting for you. If you want to know more sexy single friends, give it a try. Hope you can find your perfect match here...
http://www.sbbshoe.com/
which kind of trouble is the men who fall in love afraid of more?
Of course, is just to with his girlfriend for shopping, women shopping is an art, but a man can not enjoy the art.
Couples in men, what is the most painful?
His girlfriend is of course not just love shopping, but a shopper. throught I am imposing seven-foot man, shopping with the words to describe, is "bitter, tired, and heartache," with 3 characters described as "miserable, exhausted, wallet draining," with the sage words described as "When heaven is about to place a great burden on a man,it always tests resolution first,exhausts his body,makes him suffer great hardships and frustrates his efforts.they could not have been beneficial. "
Others envy my girlfriend so cute that to endowed with both beauty and talent,charming and moving unparalleled, but they can't imagine enjoy the beautiful girlfriend to to pay what price.
Immediate on-line shopping is cheap, stylish, but also save money,plenty of time they didn't need accompany his girlfriend for shopping when it comes to so many way.
Therefore, men have a pair of nike sports shoes, you can accompany his girlfriend traveled the world!
My dear friends, a simple style, simple pricing, free style and highlighting individual styles, Please come to
http://www.sbbshoe.com/
Somewhere there is a recording of the 911 call from the penis stuck in a pool incident. I remember hearing it on "Rescue 911" with William Shatner from the early 90s
WWW
elivebuy.
com
Sell:Ed/POLO tshirt$13,jean$30,handbag$35,jordan shoes$32,coach lv handbag$35,coogi/burberry jean$30 Free shipping!!!our price:coach chanel gucci LV handbags $32coogi DG edhardy gucci t-shirts $15CA edhardy vests.paul smith shoes $35jordan dunk af1 max gucci shoes $33EDhardy gucci ny New Era cap $15coach okely CHANEL DG Sunglass $16.our price: (Bikini)coach chanel gucci LV handbags $32.coogi DG edhardy gucci t-shirts $15.CA edhardy vests.paul smith shoes $35.jordan dunk af1 max gucci shoes $33.EDhardy gucci ny New Era cap $15.coach okely CHANEL DG Sunglass $16
====================== HTTP://www.e/ l i v e b u y . c o m ==================
WWW
ecartshopping.
biz
Sell:Ed/POLO tshirt$13,jean$30,handbag$35,jordan shoes$32,coach lv handbag$35,coogi/burberry jean$30 Free shipping!!!our price:coach chanel gucci LV handbags $32coogi DG edhardy gucci t-shirts $15CA edhardy vests.paul smith shoes $35jordan dunk af1 max gucci shoes $33EDhardy gucci ny New Era cap $15coach okely CHANEL DG Sunglass $16.our price: (Bikini)coach chanel gucci LV handbags $32.coogi DG edhardy gucci t-shirts $15.CA edhardy vests.paul smith shoes $35.jordan dunk af1 max gucci shoes $33.EDhardy gucci ny New Era cap $15.coach okely CHANEL DG Sunglass $16
====================== h t t p : / / e c a r t s h o p p i n g . biz==================
We're a couple looking for other people to have 'fun' with, male or female, gay, bi or straight. Mostly looking for female on female, but up for almost anything! (both of us are bi, and have had gay relationships before)
Please message for more details. : ) http://FindBilover.com/
http://www.ucloth.com/
this comment below me is great. your life must be real fucked up. i bet you some ugly piece of shit.
I am single, and a hot girl. I am looking for my soulmate. I uploaded my more hotter photos and videos on "stdchatting.com" under username "katenair". I hope you can find me. I am waiting for you!
I'm with chaosx3. I'm gonna have to call bullshit on #6 as well. My ring and index fingers are close to being the same length and I love the vagina. #6 is a percentage thing which means it won't always apply to everyone. But a funny ass article nonetheless.
The new year approaching, click in. Let's facelift bar!
===== http://www.bhshoe.com/ ====
Air jordan(1-24)shoes $33
Handbags(Coach l v f e n d i d&g) $35
Tshirts (Polo ,ed hardy,lacoste) $16
Jean(True Religion,ed hardy,coogi) $30
Sunglasses(Oakey,coach,gucci,A r m a i n i) $16
New era cap $15
Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25
FREE sHIPPING
====== http://www.bhshoe.com/ =====
Shit! I'm gay!
Recently, I found an age-gap site called __Agegaplove.com__ It's a nice place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Age gap is not problem there. You may check out or tell your friends.
http://www.ihatestacy.com/index.php
Join eRepublik! Change the world, rewrite history, become the president of your country, build the biggest company in the world, or lead your country to victory in battles. You can do whatever you want, the choice is yours.
http://www.erepublik.com/en/referrer/Sirbeg
If they're true ... they're not myths. Duh.
http://goph3r.com/su
fr ee sh i pp ing
(jordan shoes) $32
(air max) $34
+++
wow
Ring finger vs. index: Oh fuck, I'm a butch.
So grama was right, THATS why I like flannel. . . :'C
Great article. You taught us while we learned.