15 Words You Won't Believe They Added to the Dictionary

The Oxford English Dictionary is constantly updating, adding new words to reflect the vibrant changes in language and culture. Of course, that also means that as said culture spirals toward a frightening and retarded oblivion, the good people at Oxford have to be there to chronicle it.

Here are some recent additions that make us fear for our future.

n. In the fiction of J.K. Rowling: a person who possesses no magical powers. Hence in allusive and extended uses: a person who lacks a particular skill or skills, or who is regarded as inferior in some way.

The people at the Oxford English Dictionary acknowledge that the work of an author entering the dictionary is rare, but the use of "muggle" had become so widespread they had to include it, ensuring that the future will remember us for standing in line at Borders in wizard costumes.

Wait, does this mean if we invent a new word right now they'll be forced to include it in a few years, as long as enough readers use it? Good. Guys, the word is "dongtacular."

n. A method of collectively finding one to blame for a mistake no one is willing to confess to. Often occurs in the form of a meeting of colleagues at work, gathered to decide who is to blame for a screw up.

There already is a word for when a group of people blame someone for a mistake. It's called blaming. Blamestorming, however, cutely mimics "brainstorming" and office politics dictates the more cringe-inducingly "clever" a word sounds, the more often in needs to be used.

"We're so witty! Just like the people on The Office! Somebody should make a sitcom about us!"

n. A homosexual person's ability to identify another person as homosexual by interpreting subtle signals conveyed by their appearance, interests, etc.

Ah, there's nothing like a cutesy pun to sum up this awkward and nervous era when we finally acknowledged there was such a thing as gay people without treating it as a national emergency, yet were not so cool with it that people felt OK about openly acknowledging their gayness.

Thus we had to invent this word to represent the rush of personal pride felt by the perceived ability to instinctively tell if someone prefers sausage to tacos, whether they wanted you to know it or not.

n. A young woman regarded as independent and strong or aggressive, especially in her attitude to men or in her sexuality.

Now, remind us, is "grrrl" a word used by "grrrl" types, or the people who make fun of them? You know what, it doesn't matter, because, there's no vowel.

What the fuck is that? Call us tools of the male chauvinist patriarchy, but even the wacky sound effects from the 60s Batman TV show had vowels in them. That's right, this is less of a word than ZWWAP!

n. The third film, book, event, etc. in a series; a second sequel.

Hey, thanks Hollywood, for making enough of these that we had to invent a whole new word. So will fourquel be next? Quadrology? Will we all be buying the Star Wars sixantium box set?

n. A person closely resembling a smaller or younger version of another.

Hey, remember when you thought we couldn't get any lower than "muggle"? Those were the days, right?

Nothing puts a society as firmly in its place as when you realize the language has been permanently changed by a franchise about a horny spy that repeated the same jokes and catchphrases dozens of times across two sequels. Is this one from the same movie where Mike Myers drank the cup full of shit? We don't remember.

n. A person in their teens or twenties who has an aptitude for computers and the Internet.

In a curious twist, there is no word for an Amish youth who has an aptitude for barn raising or a Scientologist youth who's developed some skills in picking the lock on his cage. Still, it's probably hard to make a really shitty pun for either of those so that might explain things.

v. Spending one's employer's Internet and email facilities for personal activities during working hours.

Remember the dot-com bubble of the late 90s, when the Internet was new and exciting and every novelty erotica site you found was like Christmas morning, only with fisting? Cyberslacking is the word-product of that. In retrospect, using the Internet to kill time at work wasn't the Tron-like revolutionary experience this word implies, so regular "slacking" would suffice just as well.

Then again, we might as well have the word now, as this dongtacular practice isn't going away any time soon.