The 8 Shittiest Transformer Disguises
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Transformers have been toys, cartoons and fodder for Michael Bay's CGI money cannon, but the basic premise remained: These were robots in disguise. Sadly, some Transformers didn't live up to their potential. They never forgot to be alien space robots. That part always came pretty naturally. But when deciding what to transform into, some went with disguises that were about as inconspicuous as, well, an alien space robot. #8.
Cosmos
When choosing a vehicle to avoid attention, "alien spaceship" ranks somewhere below "mobile fireworks factory" and "giant mobile fireworks factory that's on fire and being driven by a bear in a tuxedo." Tell people you saw a giant robot and they'll think you're crazy. Tell them you saw a UFO and they'll still think you're crazy, but point you towards the huge network of radio talk show conspiracy nuts dedicated to believing your story. They occasionally tried to justify Cosmos by having him do a space mission. This was only slightly undermined by the fact that both sides had spaceships and in fact, depending on who was writing that day, every single Transformer could just stand up and fly into fucking space anyway. Where He Would be Disguised: Look at him. He'd not only have to wait until spaceships are invented, but until cheap budget-model economy spaceships are developed, and then pose as a novelty toy of one of those. #7.
Nightscream
Nightscream appeared in the Beast Wars series--where all the Transformers returned to Cybertron to fight each other, while transforming into animals from Earth. He turns into a bat that was apparently designed by a person who has never seen a bat before. We almost wonder if anyone looked over the designer's shoulder, concerned and a tiny bit confused. Executive: And you're sure you've seen a bat before?
Executive: It's just that I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you'd at least look at this picture of a ba-
Where He Would Be Disguised: Nightscream would feel right at home in whatever zoo his designer attended in his nightmares as a child. Absolutely nowhere else though. #6.
Metroplex
Metroplex turned into an entire city, which made him slightly harder to hide than the law of gravity. While it's conceivable that a brand new, unrecorded metropolis could escape notice if everyone on Earth was retarded--and if there's one thing the plots of 80s cartoons told us, it's that they were--once you get within the borders the illusion breaks down. Maybe you'll notice that every building is a solid, primary-colored block with no features, or maybe the total lack of inhabitants will be the clue that tips you off. Of course, this assumes that he's not a real city where people go to work and live. If he is, that brings up a much more troubling question ...
Where He Would Be Disguised: We're going to assume he was a fake city, based on the fact that he still has some cars stuck to his shin guards up there. In that case, his only real option is background work on the set of a Hollywood film. Just as long as it's not being directed by Michael Bay, whose not very fond of cities that aren't on fire. #5.
Omega Supreme
Omega Supreme transformed into a giant rocket, linked to 100-meter rail track that went nowhere, on which was stationed a tank the size of a city block. The Autobots realized he was difficult to hide, and when the guys who dress up as giant, idiotic microscope robots recognize how conspicuous you are, you might have a pretty profound problem. They stuck Omega in the middle of a wilderness where no one could ever see him, and where his ability to disguise himself would surely come in handy. They also tended to forget that he was the size of every Decepticon in the universe put together, and could have ended the war in one metal-mashing minute had anyone ever bothered to roll out and ask him to.
Where He Would Be Disguised: Wherever the other giant-rockets-and-tracks are kept on Earth. What's that? There aren't needlessly long miles of race track attached to an enormous rocket? Well, then he's just retarded everywhere, isn't he? |
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HAHAHHA, one of the funniest cracked articles in a long time if you ask me,
Talk like bruno!
http://www.brunoism.com/
Nosecone usually was found hiding out on the set of Total Recall
Hrm, when I opened this, I thought it was going to be about some of the stupid transformers that were made (and there are a few, yes, like cosmos seaspray or, dear god, Hun-Gar... wtf is up with the norse mythos crap there?) but listing Metroplex, Omega Supreme AND Skylinx all in the same panel... wow, what a blow. Omega Supreme was SOLELY bought to earth to deal with the threat of Devastator, whom he had a long-standing vendetta against. Yeah, metroflex isn't exactly sneaky, but jeez, are any of these really THAT sneaky? Dinosaurs running around town? Come on, be reasonable.
Let me betray my childhood comic book geekiness. The dinobots were regular autobots on "The Ark" when it crashed on Earth with the decepticons back in the cretaceous period. The ship's computer *thought* dinosaurs were the dominant life form and altered the five original "dinobots" to (kinda) pass for the earth's dominant life forms. They fought the Decepticon Shockwave and defeated him, but were all were buried in a tar pit until they were found and restored by Ratchet. They kinda "devolved" in the series until they were as dumb as rocks.
Well, the Dinobots were never made to be disguised, they were simply made for brute force. They were actually going to be destroyed in the first Ep of them being made. But these are true, these are s****y disguises lol.
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Curse you all! You people are makin me feel old with all this talk of transformer various spin-off. May your carefully stored Transformers transform into Gobots in the middle of night!
"Beep Boop, Squawk, dinosaur noises, nothing to see here."
Classic.
Here, people of all kinds play and have colorful viewpoints like you guys do here.
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Join and see what I'm talking about. Good night.
Dammit, again with the racism! Look at Sky Linx. It's soooo obvious. The makers are making fun of black people. See, the teeth and monkey tail? lol
I have a negative comment about the nightscream transformer dude,it isnt a bat,actually thats what a CHIROPTER looks like ,bats evolved from chiropters
The sad part is I have two of these robots in my collection (Omega Supreme and Ripper Snapper) and also I considered most of them (when I was young) to be really cool (even Sky Lynx)
did you ever start to feel a little sorry for the online nickname you picked for yourself once upon a time because you thought it sounded pretty cool, hoping that only true nerds would ever actually remember what it meant and that everyone else could possibly just gloss over it and just think it was something, at most, mildly cool but generally just ignore and go about their day?
today, i feel that way.
me grimmlock, me think funny article. laugh many time, HAHAHA!! me go hide big shiny metal t-rex body from unknown time portal volcano island with real dinosaurs where no one will know what me am. me go hide in hot volcano juice. me gone from shame. :(
im going to change into a... um...killer rabbit! with sharp and pointy teeth!
"and just in case you're a colorblind deaf-mute who doesn't understand which direction time goes, they're made of metal." That is pure literary gold. Thank you for making my day.
First of all, the part about Sky Lynx was about the best damn thing ever.
Secondly, anyone remember toward the end of the beast war thing they invented this... giant shimmering copper brown and f*****g purple crab? He was easily 3x the size of any other transformer and I remember that transforming that lopsided monstrosity was an event that required more mental dexterity than a freaking rubix cube...
Oh god here he is!
http://www.cliffbee.com/reviews/bwrampage.php
I remember 1st playing with Nosecone as a small child. Like any other kid of the day, I would tak emy toys outside and dream up all kinds of situations. In doing so, Nosecone obviously "drilled" himself under some dirt in the back yard.
Yeah, that was the end of him. That was the day I discovered cheap plastic and dirt do make go well together. I could never get him to transform after that, I could hear the dirt grinding.
Damn cheap plastic toys...
"Nosecone was the first of the Technobots to be created by the temporarily super-intelligent Grimlock. He was built using parts from within Unicron's head, specifically for the purpose of tunelling through the reinforced walls within the chaos-bringer." - tfwiki.net
He was never meant to blend in on Earth, and was a character from one of the later waves of toys where it was less "Robots in disguise" and more "Robots that turn into things" And Cybertronian isn't an Earth word because it denotes 'from Cybertron" - he didn't have an Earth form, but check out the pilot and see the Cybertronian forms of Optimus, Bumblebee, and others; or anything after the (animated) movie, where most of the characters had Cybertronian alt-modes. But of course, you knew that, but it's safer to mock Nosecone than, say, Blurr - he turns into a Cybertronic hovercar, so of course he'll fit right in.
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Lovely article. However, Nightscream was not on "Beast Wars", an absolutely fantastic show. He was on the terribly inferior "Beast Machines" where there were no humans to stay in disguise for. Not that that kept the characters on "Beast Wars" from adapting awesome disguise in their animal forms ;)