8 TV Ads That Hate Women
Advertisers use three main strategies to lure folks into buying their products: sexism, boobs and sexism. Since Cracked already presented a lengthy dissertation on the enchanting properties of boobs (published in Popular Mechanics, thank you), we thought it high time to cover the other side of the equation. So here are the eight most glaringly sexist commercials of all time.
#8.
Goodyear Polyglas Tire
After a couple bloated Midwesterners speak earnestly about the virtues of the Goodyear Polyglas Tire, we get down to the nitty-gritty. Cue the perilous music.
Announcer: But a Polyglas tire means more when your wife is driving at night.
Look at her eyes glazed over in terror. Traffic! Potholes! Pedestrians! As reflecting street signs and traffic lights explode across her retina like a Michael Bay movie, the lady driver retreats into her primitive reptile brain. She's unable to do much more than dart her head around and wait for death.
But thank fucking God she's on Goodyear Polyglas Tires. Amazingly she makes it to the airport to pick up her husband, the George to her Lenny, and she immediately scoots the hell over into the passenger seat and lets a MAN behind the wheel.
Hubby gives her a look like she's a dog trying to stand on her hind legs. "Isn't that cute, she thinks she's people!"
#7.
Diamonds Are Forever
The "Women are attracted to shiny things" card has been played by advertisers before, but De Beers takes no prisoners.
A man proclaims love for his woman loudly, bravely and in one of the most romantic spots in the world.
This generally irks her, and so he gives her a diamond and she's okay with him again. Because passionate heartfelt sentiment doesn't hold a candle to cold, hard ice.
Advertisers exhibit no shame when it comes to interminably reminding men no matter how much love and heart they pour into a relationship, you will never mean anything more to your mate than the sheer mass of pricey trinkets you can cram down her throat. No one is more blatant about this than the diamond industry. Constantly they remind you "A Diamond is Forever," which is true. That's why it's the first thing she demands in your divorce hearing. It would be nice if a guy could avoid going into severe debt with rare gems by simply looking directly into his loved one's eyes and saying meaningfully, "I love you."
Too bad she won't be able to hear him; apparently the only language women understand is the Morse code of twinkling shiny things.
#6.
Got PMS? Milk Ad
Men everywhere make a mad dash for milk, buying up cow juice in ridiculous quantities. Some even resort to raiding milk trucks.
Why are all these men buying milk? Because according to the milk council, milk can dampen the effects of PMS.
Watch the guy intrepidly enter the house armed with milk like it's a sword to slay the fire breathing dragon that is his wife's angry vagina.
#5.
Rose Petal Collage
"Come on into my home!" this commercial's jingle begins. Little girls play about a miniature house, smiling so broadly the producers must have told them they could trade their impending puberty in for a pony.
The song continues to rhapsodize about the joys of cleaning, doing laundry and taking care of babies. Another lyric, "Taking care of my home is a dream, dream, dream."
So true, what little girl doesn't dream of a future of domestic servitude, never leaving the house and wondering why their husbands need to take 12 "business trips" a month?
This commercial proclaims, "Little girls, realize your dreams of growing up to do household chores! There's no glass ceiling in the go-go world of homemaking."
Sounds antiquated? This spot came out last year.
#4.
Folger's: Pretty Wife, Ugly Coffee
In the 60s, Folger's was the king of sexist commercials.
In this one, the dutiful wife waits on her man with skin-crawling obsequiousness. The man tells her she makes crappy coffee and she looks at him like he just snapped a kitten's neck.
Luckily the wife has a vaguely foreign neighbor who turns her on to the magic of Folger's. The next morning, wifey serves it and daddy approves. The ad then shows this sending her into such a paroxysm of delight that we expect her uterus to go flying out of her hard enough to break a window.
#3.
National Airlines - Fly Maggie
Just a few decades ago, little girls only saw two career options in the movies and on TV: receptionist or stewardess (now known as the less gendered "flight attendant").
During the golden age of air travel, airlines used the attractiveness of their stewardesses as a selling point. Here we have a stewardess, apparently named Maggie, who doesn't sell you on National Airlines safety record. She doesn't advertise National Airlines comfort and service. She doesn't even tell you of National Airlines competitive prices or on-time track record.
No Maggie gives you but one reason to fly her airline: She has an attractive vagina.
This commercial wastes no time. It cuts to the chase and pretty much says, "If you fly National, you get to bang Maggie." You hear that? Reach for the sky, aspiring little girls!
#2.
Yoplait
Here we have two women who are super gay for yogurt, clearly.
Lounging in robes, as sassy single women are wont to do, they completely lose their shit for fruit-flavored paste.
In the throes of their yogurt orgasms (yorgasms?), such womanly pleasure reminds them of other female delights: Shoes! Shopping! Chocolate! It's like the Cathy comic strip come to life.
#1.
First Ever Barbie Commercial
The commercial that launched 150,000,000 eating disorders.
Original Barbie had so many career options, like dressing pretty and getting married. As the commercial jingle informs us,
"Barbie's small and so petite,
Her clothes and figure look so neat...
Some day I'm gonna be exactly like you
Till then I know just what I'll do.
I'll make believe I'm you."
We don't know if Barbie was the first personal shame device offered commercially, but she certainly is the most successful one. Whenever a little girl starts feeling good about herself, good old Barbie is there on the dresser with her patronizing stare to take the little lady down a few pegs (confident women are the ruination of modern society, we tells ya!). Barbie will always be there to remind the girl, "You'll never be as pretty or as loved as me."
What an insufferable bitch. No wonder Skipper took to cutting herself.
Find out more about what corporate America thinks of women in The Terrifying Truth Behind Valentine's Day. And allow us to present a very tasteful and politically correct column from Swaim: 10 Female 80s Cartoons That Ushered Us Into Manhood.
And visit Cracked.com's Top Picks because there is absolutely no sexist content in there whatsoever.
I can understand that some girls might feel like s**t compare dot Barbie, but she's cool because when she was invented, she allowed little girls to play differently. back then it was either paper dolls or mummy and baby with a baby doll. Barbie allowed girls to really play at being a grown-up and at something other than being a mother. I liked the way barbie was an astronaut long before a real woman ever was. She did inspire a lot of little girls to want to be something other than a mum or a wife. I know barbie's figure is a bit unrealistic, but seriously, she's supposed to be a TOY. Tell your kid if she's feeling insecure about herself compared to Barbie "well, she's just plastic, you're a real person. Tell her to kiss your ass because at least your hair grows back when it gets cut off"
Reply#5 is actually a fair representation of a lot of toys that still come out. Like you said, it's not even a vintage commercial. I was in Toys R' Us a few months ago and sure as anything there were these pink "Cook and Clean" signs over all of these kitchen toys and whatnot. It's really weird.
ReplyWhile I can definitely see some of these as sexist (the tire commercial especially), I'm not particularly up-in-arms over them. Commercials have always been sexist to some degree. Look at the "I want your bod" commercials. Getting mad about commercials from 30 to 60 years ago is a little like going to an alzheimer's-suffering grandma and yelling at her for not supporting civil rights in the '50s because she didn't participate in the Selma-to-Montgomery march: It does no good, because most everyone's completely forgotten that whole nonsense in the first place because it was a *commercial*. Are they stupid? Yes. Are they worth getting upset and bitter over NOW? No, not really. (This article would have been a lot better with much more modern, 2000-era ads, and less ones pulled from before most of us were born. Also if the columnist was funny and sarcastic, instead of disproportionately bitter.)
ReplyIf it would be commercials from the 2000's listed in this article. The title would be '8 tv adds that hate men'. (not bitter or mad about it btw. It's just the way of the world right now. But it is funny when you watch adds now a days or sit coms for that matter).
@hynd - commercials hate everybody nowadays. There's anti male and anti female tropes all over media. Just don't watch television and don't buy anything.
:)
The Twix candy bar commercials make me cringe. "Need to think up a lie to tell that stupid bitch? Bite into a Twix."
ReplyI hate, hate, hate most yogurt adverts- the ones that assume only women eat it, and only while having 'girl talk' and laughing like they're taking a bite out of the air. According to ad makers, 'girl talk' also happens while having expensive fussy coffees or dining solely on Ryvitas. Oh, and we're the only ones who diet, use laxatives, or eat chocolate? (Does anyone remember the 'secret stash' Galaxy advert?) Don't get me started on 'feminine items' adverts...
ReplyThe first one made me cringe it was so sexist.
ReplyWhat's wrong with The Cottage? Yes, I understand that it can have adverse affects on a young girl if she thinks that this is ALL she can aspire to, but I'm a house wife and I actually do love cleaning, cooking, baking, etc. It's not the most glorious job but I think it's because I am left alone and can sort of zone out when I'm cleaning. Many women want to be mothers/housewives. That is what they aspire to. It's perfectly acceptable, just as it is for a woman to follow her own path and dreams without a husband by her side. I don't understand why it's antiqued. Isn't equality supposed to allow people to choose who they wish to be without facing scorn or prejudice? And who doesn't love cookies? Come on.
ReplyIf your daughter wants The Cottage, get her The Cottage. If she wants Tonka Trucks, get her the Tonka Trucks. It's what the parents teach their kids that makes or breaks a child's view of gender stereotypes. Take some responsibility if you think that what is being taught to your child is wrong. Don't rely on the media and toys to fix problems by "breaking" the gender stereotypes. Just because your daughter plays with Barbies doesn't mean she will be a vapid, spoiled princess all her life.
It's antiquated because it's clearly targeted ONLY to little girls. If they had shown a little boy playing with the set, that would have been different. But according to that commercial, cleaning and cooking is something women, and only women, enjoy so much that they do it in their leisure time as little girls.
And if a toy is targeted towards young girls, there is a very small fraction of parents who would be comfortable with their young boys playing with it. A lot of make-believe "house" toy sets exist in gender-neutral colors where the ads show both boys and girls playing with them. Fisher Price, for example. This wasn't one, and the jingle WAS a bit sexist.
I like the milk one, then again I don't have the PMS.
ReplyYou really exaggerated those videos and took things out of context. When you make things up, don't post the video, okay?
ReplyAwesome, awesome article!
ReplyBarbie isnt exactly all that perfect, shes missing a real vagina and nipples for christsakes!
ReplySo are post-op trannies with implants, but they've had more sex than you can shake a stick at.
I have no idea how the grammar filter in my brain failed so epically in that last comment.
ReplyI think recent commercials are even worse. Every woman is a heartless bitch. Ex. 5 hour energy lady who is pissed here husband woke up early and wants to work out, ATT rich gardening lady who ruins her husbands happy unlimited minutes mood, buy saying she should have married someone else bc he's so stupid he would pay for unlimited minutes (a reasonable thing to spend money on) only to realize she's an evil b***h when she finds out that it's free
ReplyYeah that man should take his free minutes and leave her to die bitter and alone.
I don't even understand the whole "Barbie causes eating disorders" crap. Am I the only one who never thought she looked human?
ReplyEveryone likes to joke about the inhuman qualities of Barbie; however, she does attempt to present what society believes to be beautiful such as being big chested, having a small frame, being dainty, having perfect hair and so on and so forth. This is a type of image that most girls feel they could not poissibly hope to live up to and raises a lot of self doubts which in return do cause girls to go to drastic lengths in order to look more like the Barbie doll she is told is so pretty and perfect. The Barbie movies don't exactly help with that either.
These made my eye twitch.
ReplySome DeBeers commercials were shot as though the real world was shadowy and dark. Humans only appear as wall puppets...but wait, what's that light? Yep, it's the only thing that's real - Diamonds! I'd rather have a man treat me like a nice normal human (who he really wants to bang regularly) than spend all his cash on pressure treated carbon.
ReplyI would actually call a man who did #6 for me a keeper. However much you hate us when we're PMSing, we're still the ones feeling all that s**t that turned us into shrieking rag harpies.
ReplyBy the way, Cracked could make a list of modern TV ads that hate men at least twice this length.
Man, if I got to bang maggie in-flight about the only thing that could happen that would cause me to make a complaint would probably be, idk, getting fully paralyzed or dying or something in a crash. Hell, if the airplane crashed mid hanky-panky it'd still probably be the best damn flight experience I've ever had, even if I had to survive out in the wild for a little and fight off bears, maybe even bear [grylls]("...and what we see over here is a lone survivor from a nearby airplane crash. These can provide excellent nutrients and energy in a survival situation. He seems to be aroused and confused, so I'll see if I can't manage to stab him with this sharpened stick...")
ReplyYeah, that would be sweet...not the getting stabbed part, the joining the mile high club part.
I used to put a string around my barbie's head and throw her out of the window of my car... Like Napoleon Dynamite
Reply:Thats just like my girlfriend!!
Reply...
:Which one?
:All of them!