Advertisers use three main strategies to lure folks into buying their products: sexism, boobs and sexism. Since Cracked already presented a lengthy dissertation on the enchanting properties of boobs (published in Popular Mechanics, thank you), we thought it high time to cover the other side of the equation. So here are the eight most glaringly sexist commercials of all time.
8Goodyear Polyglas Tire
We can't stress enough how important it is to have safe tires.
After a couple bloated Midwesterners speak earnestly about the virtues of the Goodyear Polyglas Tire, we get down to the nitty-gritty. Cue the perilous music.
Announcer: But a Polyglas tire means more when your wife is driving at night.
Look at her eyes glazed over in terror. Traffic! Potholes! Pedestrians! As reflecting street signs and traffic lights explode across her retina like a Michael Bay movie, the lady driver retreats into her primitive reptile brain. She's unable to do much more than dart her head around and wait for death.
But thank fucking God she's on Goodyear Polyglas Tires. Amazingly she makes it to the airport to pick up her husband, the George to her Lenny, and she immediately scoots the hell over into the passenger seat and lets a MAN behind the wheel.
Hubby gives her a look like she's a dog trying to stand on her hind legs. "Isn't that cute, she thinks she's people!"
7Diamonds Are Forever
The "Women are attracted to shiny things" card has been played by advertisers before, but De Beers takes no prisoners.
A man proclaims love for his woman loudly, bravely and in one of the most romantic spots in the world.
This generally irks her, and so he gives her a diamond and she's okay with him again. Because passionate heartfelt sentiment doesn't hold a candle to cold, hard ice.
Advertisers exhibit no shame when it comes to interminably reminding men no matter how much love and heart they pour into a relationship, you will never mean anything more to your mate than the sheer mass of pricey trinkets you can cram down her throat. No one is more blatant about this than the diamond industry. Constantly they remind you "A Diamond is Forever," which is true. That's why it's the first thing she demands in your divorce hearing. It would be nice if a guy could avoid going into severe debt with rare gems by simply looking directly into his loved one's eyes and saying meaningfully, "I love you."
Too bad she won't be able to hear him; apparently the only language women understand is the Morse code of twinkling shiny things.