The 5 Most Retarded Causes People Are Actually Fighting For

#2. Negative Portrayal of Snakes in Movies

Hey, remember Snakes on a Plane? The horrible movie/meme combination that dominated geek culture for like an entire year?

Well, allegedly to protest the inaccurate portrayal of snakes in the movie (but more likely because he's always wanted to), Pennsylvanian man Jesse Rothacker covered himself in snakes. Some believe this supports the theory that Pennsylvanians will do literally anything that bears a promise of maybe not being in Pennsylvania anymore, even if that alternative is being inside a snake.

We should point out that Mr. Rothacker runs the "Forgotten Friends Reptile Sanctuary," so maybe the frustration of spending eight hours a day trying to convince people that what their home really needs is a few more snakes drove him to these extremes. Oh, and he's on record protesting that he should be allowed to carry concealed firearms in public parks.


"I just want to be left alone with my snakes and my guns. In a park. At night."

He's right, you know. Compared to a darkened park full of dudes with guns jammed down their pants, a plane full of snakes is probably a pretty fucking safe place to be.

#1. Asperger's Pride Movement

If you don't know what Asperger's is, welcome to the internet!

Asperger's is a real disorder for some, but has turned into a kind of "get out of self-improvement free" card for legions of socially awkward Pokemon fans. This latter group doesn't care about your "medical credentials," "basic common sense" or even "knowing people who actually do have Aspergers." This syndrome they read about on Wikipedia once is their winning lottery ticket to a life of never having to learn how to interact with other humans. Welcome to the Aspergian Pride movement.

The Asperger's aficionados are even pushing their own "Aspergers Passport," an orange band you can wear to show support.

Yes, exactly like the yellow LiveStrong bracelet. You see, equating their struggle with that of cancer survivors is the kind of "this has to be a mental illness" assholism that marks the Asperger's sufferer.

In fact, as stated on Aspergia.com's mission statement, this crippling (and easily self-diagnosed) condition actually makes the sufferer better than you. Their checklist of nerd delusion identifies Aspergia as:

a) a superpower

b) a mutation

c) the next stage in human evolution

d) the legacy of a lost utopian civilization


Actual Asperger's sufferer.

We only wish we were kidding about that last one. Presumably in this Aspergian wonderland the faucets ran with Mountain Dew and there were infinite moms who cooked infinite dinners who never ever sobbed in private. It isn't explicitly stated that females in this land were impressed by knowledge of Star Trek episodes rather than physical prowess, but it's pretty heavily implied.

For movies that are depressing for a whole other reason check out Rick's look at 5 Awesome Movies Ruined By Last-Minute Changes. Or find out about some action stars whose careers had a less than happy ending in 5 Movie Martial Artists That Lost a Deathmatch to Dignity.

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