The 5 Most Retarded Causes People Are Actually Fighting For
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Sometimes, lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for. Hunger, war, disease, they'll always be with us, but caring souls will always fight to raise awareness about these issues. Others, however, have a different idea. These brave types have latched onto other lost causes. Ones that, quite frankly, deserve to be lost. Such as: #5.
Lobster Empathy
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) want to buy a retired Maine jail for two hundred thousand dollars to set up a "Lobster Empathy Center," a place where the plight of scrumptious seafood can be likened to a heavy-handed and inaccurate metaphor.
PETA's rationale was "No building would be more appropriate than a jail to set up an interactive display about how these intriguing animals suffer." Yes, in a world where there are still children with no address other than "whichever bridge Bob the Rapist isn't sleeping under tonight," PETA decides the best use for a building specifically designed to house large numbers of people is to campaign for the imaginary rights of animals with nervous systems so primitive they can survive for several minutes after being cut in half.
A couple of hints, PETA: 1) These publicity stunts always end up with you looking retarded. Haven't you noticed this? 2) Except the ones that get Naomi Campbell naked, those ones are fine. 3) You may have better luck campaigning on behalf of less delicious animals. 4) Natalie Portman is very popular. Just a thought.
Seriously, what could be more pointless than this? #4.
A Bill of Rights for Plants
Oh, right. In what we can only assume is a brave attempt to starve sanctimonious vegans to death, the Swiss government's "Federal Ethics Committee on Non-Human Biotechnology" has issued a document outlining the ethical treatment of plants, apparently with an eye toward getting it placed into law.
Which means that, as well as making sure your date consents, you now have to ask permission of the roses you bring. Though the document generously allows that "any action with or towards plants that serves the self-preservation of humans [is] morally justified." So if you ever find yourself locked in a life-or-death struggle with a Triffid feel free to fight back without fear of a stern letter with a Swiss postmark.
#3.
Livejournal User Rights
Back in March of 2008, Livejournal users rallied to the cry for a boycott of the service because they weren't consulted about some changes to the site. It's true, Facebook doesn't have a monopoly on huge community overreaction to minor changes. A Google search reveals over fourteen thousand posts about the Livejournal boycott (taking 'lj' and the fact many users can't spell boycott into account) - and while Livejournal claims a population twice that of Switzerland (albeit a much more emo and Naruto-obsessed population than Switzerland could ever dream of), only about a hundred and forty thousand update daily. So this boycott stood to deliver a significant blow. But did it?
Hmmm... you know, we may have spotted the flaw in the cunning plan of posting on Livejournal about a boycott on Livejournal posting. And in true internet fashion, fully half of the strike posts were calling the strikers fags, another quarter were "I support them but won't do it myself," and we're sure at least four entries were slash porn on the subject. The most serious effects of the strike were summarized by one user, who commented "it was so weird reading some good fanfic but not able to comment."
Changing the world isn't easy, dude. |
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so... yeah... to all the "asperger's sufferers" on here: first, unless you've been diagnosed by an actual doctor specializing in these kinds of disorders, please be quiet. it would be like running around claiming to be a cancer survivor cuz you once had an undiagnosed cyst on your tit that eventually went away.
second, to the people who actually have aspergers, no one is insulting you or your disorder, just saying that "doesn't play well with others" is not a superpower.
also, the term "pride" is so overused today it's just getting stupid. we can be proud when we accomplish something. being born with some condition or another doesn't seem like an issue of pride. the problem is people take "pride" as the opposite of "shame" and run with it. should you be ashamed? hell no! should you be proud? of what?
As for # 1, that's a retarded scheme. Asperger's is a condition that doesn't make someone worse than you, let alone better (fun fact: things are more likely to get worse than they are to get better, ask Anne Fran... oh right.). It's bullshit. And yes I do have Asperger's myself.
Aspie here. I take pride in my condition, as it has created some of the greatest artists our world has ever seen: Michaelangelo, Walt Disney, and Agatha Christie, to name a few. But could you at least read the entire Wikipedia article before you go making such stupid, off-the-cuff remarks around a subject you're completely and utterly ignorant about?
I'm not asking for pity here, but I had a rough childhood due to Asperger's, and you're not helping those people who are still suffering from it. Yes, I was quite a p***y in school. Yes, I do need to get outside more often and find myself a girlfriend. I actually get offended when my mother tells me to apply for government aid. I don't need Uncle Sam to hold my hand my entire life, and I certainly don't need that wretched woman. All I want is for people to stop judging me based on such utterly meaningless criteria as the way I sit, the way I talk, and my seeming lack of eye contact. I can do my job every bit as well as the next person, and without my boss staring over my shoulder constantly.
Also, I agree with bloodyaurore's comment, and would like to add that a lot the more extreme members of the pride movement are teenagers. Many teens tend to think the world should revolve around them, regardless of what they are or aren't diagnosed with.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's back in the mid-90s, when it was still a pretty obscure diagnosis. And yes, I'm part of the movement, but it's not because I want everything handed to me on a silver platter. All I'm asking for is a little respect and understanding.
No, I don't want to get money from the government or to live off my family for the rest of my life. I'm just asking that when I go for a job interview, that you don't automatically assume I'm nervous or uninterested because of the way I stare, sit, or talk. Judge me by my qualifications, not my body language. And understand that what's "common sense" to most people may not be to me, that I might sometimes need things explained a little differently.
Also, I don't want a free pass to ramble endlessly about my interests. But I do wish for you to respect that these interests aren't going to go away, and that there is nothing wrong with having them. And if I point out an obscure bit of trivia, it's not to impress anyone - it's just something that interests me and that I think might interest you. If it doesn't, I apologize.
The bottom line is that it's all about give and take. I'll try my best to respect what makes you (un)comfortable and adapt to your communication style if you do the same for me.
And for the record, I do not think that I am better than everyone else, but I am not any worse either. Those of you who are saying that AS isn't that severe are missing the point - that's exactly what the movement is trying to say. We're not better or worse, just different, and we don't need to be "cured". Yes, I know there are some radicals out there, and they frustrate me too, but if you look for the forest through the trees you will see a lot of people who are only asking for a little respect.
Yet another Aspie here.
And I've got to say...the amount of people who actually try to use their Asperger's as an excuse is not nearly as huge an amount of people as the amount of folks bitching about people supposedly using Asperger's as an excuse.
Danowar:
I think they were referring to the people who fake Asperger's.
I normally don't do this, but this portrayal of asperger's as a "get out of self-improvement" disorder is total and complete bullshit. I have the condition (and i was diagonsed around age 10 by actual medical professionals, not "self diagnosed"), and while it's true it can cause obsessive tendencies, it has other, more difficult symptoms that i've spent years of therapy trying to overcome. it inhibits the way you function socially and can even affect judgement (in my case anyway). I'm normally not one to get pissed at internet stuff easily but this one kinda touched a nerve.
Admittedly it's nowhere near as bad as having cancer, but it's still a very tough condition to live with, and what's wrong with raising awareness? if this group does truly believe they're better than other people because they have the condition, that's a whole seperate disease called f*****g Moron Syndrome, but in real life it's a disorder that is not a laughing matter.
AnnabelAnatomy do you have Dysphraxia then? because you spelled writing wrong.
'Humans haven't reached a perfect utopia so if they care about anything other than humans it's futile and meaningless.'
Yeah, I'm not against eating lobster but I HATE that argument. Article wasn't very good punchline wise either.
FreemDeem,
Dyslexia is difficulty reading, Dysphraxia is difficulty wrighting and Dyscalculea is a difficulty with numeracy.
That said, the disorders have quite similar symptoms that just affect different parts of learning so people tend to just group them together- also sufferers tend to suffer from 2 or more of the disorders i stated above.
Read more.
you guys are all wrong the most retarded cause people fight for is at www.vhemt.org
peta.com is a f****n bullshit dude bunch of f****n hypocrites
Oh yeah also. If you had dyslexia you would struggle with reading AND writing. Are you sure you're not making this up or possibly confusing it with something else?
Covertwalrus, Aspergers has nothing to do with dyslexia.
Duh.
(I know the guy below said it but I just wanted to show support lol)
Asperger's isn't related to dyslexia...
Asperger's is like high, high functioning autism. It has nothing to do with dyslexia
While not Asbergers, I do have the related condition of Dyslexia ( Yeah, as if you hadn't guessed from the typing ), and it has been hard for me to cope with many things - the attempts to 'cure' it by beatings and suggested lobotomy in the 1970s for instance.
But I have adapted to have a huge memory, some pretty astounding reading skills even if my writing sucks when I'm tired, and to have graduated university with two degrees and held jobs of technical natures.
There are worse causes to promote, true, abnd there are far better ones as well. Probably none on this list, with the possible exception of the Snake Rights movement - those suckers might attack unwary peopel, but in India, for on example, the protect crops from rodent infestation and as a bonus prevent Bubonic Plague outbreaks.
what the f**k dude peta goes o f****n far year after year the sad part im a member but im not an extremist freak like the rest of those retards
what's ass burgers?
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I have Asperger's syndrome, and this may be one of the most appalling articles I've ever read. Basically, you are implying that people use Asperger's as an excuse to be Assholes. For the majority of my life, I have had therapy helping me "learn how to interact with other humans". So, now I hear that my condition is marked by "assholism". And guess what? I am not going to stop being proud of the efforts I've made to be a functioning member of society just because some jerk on a website depicts aspies as "social awkward pokemon fans".
Now, as for the slightly less annoying #5 story: Lobsters are typically killed by boiling them alive. Now, I don't care how primitive you think a lobster's nervous system is, pretty much every animal more advanced than a jellyfish can feel pain. If you want to dispute this, I will happily take a hatchet to your brain, then shove you into a vat of boiling water.
And note, I'm not even close to being a vegetarian. I simply believe that animals should be killed humanely.
Now please, put your time into writing sensitive intelligent articles. I suggest a list of the 5 most retarded attempts by Cracked.com writers to make fun of mental illnesses they don't suffer, and know nothing about.
Have a nice day :-)