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The 5 Most Retarded Causes People Are Actually Fighting For

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Sometimes, lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for. Hunger, war, disease, they'll always be with us, but caring souls will always fight to raise awareness about these issues.

Others, however, have a different idea. These brave types have latched onto other lost causes. Ones that, quite frankly, deserve to be lost. Such as:

#5.
Lobster Empathy

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) want to buy a retired Maine jail for two hundred thousand dollars to set up a "Lobster Empathy Center," a place where the plight of scrumptious seafood can be likened to a heavy-handed and inaccurate metaphor.

PETA's rationale was "No building would be more appropriate than a jail to set up an interactive display about how these intriguing animals suffer."

Yes, in a world where there are still children with no address other than "whichever bridge Bob the Rapist isn't sleeping under tonight," PETA decides the best use for a building specifically designed to house large numbers of people is to campaign for the imaginary rights of animals with nervous systems so primitive they can survive for several minutes after being cut in half.


This lobster is too stupid to realize how ridiculous it looks.

A couple of hints, PETA:

1) These publicity stunts always end up with you looking retarded. Haven't you noticed this?

2) Except the ones that get Naomi Campbell naked, those ones are fine.

3) You may have better luck campaigning on behalf of less delicious animals.

4) Natalie Portman is very popular. Just a thought.


"I want to take my clothes off for lobsters."

Seriously, what could be more pointless than this?

#4.
A Bill of Rights for Plants

Oh, right.

In what we can only assume is a brave attempt to starve sanctimonious vegans to death, the Swiss government's "Federal Ethics Committee on Non-Human Biotechnology" has issued a document outlining the ethical treatment of plants, apparently with an eye toward getting it placed into law.

Which means that, as well as making sure your date consents, you now have to ask permission of the roses you bring. Though the document generously allows that "any action with or towards plants that serves the self-preservation of humans [is] morally justified." So if you ever find yourself locked in a life-or-death struggle with a Triffid feel free to fight back without fear of a stern letter with a Swiss postmark.

#3.
Livejournal User Rights

Back in March of 2008, Livejournal users rallied to the cry for a boycott of the service because they weren't consulted about some changes to the site. It's true, Facebook doesn't have a monopoly on huge community overreaction to minor changes.

A Google search reveals over fourteen thousand posts about the Livejournal boycott (taking 'lj' and the fact many users can't spell boycott into account) - and while Livejournal claims a population twice that of Switzerland (albeit a much more emo and Naruto-obsessed population than Switzerland could ever dream of), only about a hundred and forty thousand update daily. So this boycott stood to deliver a significant blow. But did it?

Hmmm... you know, we may have spotted the flaw in the cunning plan of posting on Livejournal about a boycott on Livejournal posting. And in true internet fashion, fully half of the strike posts were calling the strikers fags, another quarter were "I support them but won't do it myself," and we're sure at least four entries were slash porn on the subject.

The most serious effects of the strike were summarized by one user, who commented "it was so weird reading some good fanfic but not able to comment."

Changing the world isn't easy, dude.


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AnnabelAnatomy do you have Dysphraxia then? because you spelled writing wrong.

Posted on 12/21/2008 11:20:01 PM

'Humans haven't reached a perfect utopia so if they care about anything other than humans it's futile and meaningless.'
Yeah, I'm not against eating lobster but I HATE that argument. Article wasn't very good punchline wise either.

Posted on 12/20/2008 9:12:03 PM

FreemDeem,

Dyslexia is difficulty reading, Dysphraxia is difficulty wrighting and Dyscalculea is a difficulty with numeracy.
That said, the disorders have quite similar symptoms that just affect different parts of learning so people tend to just group them together- also sufferers tend to suffer from 2 or more of the disorders i stated above.

Read more.

Posted on 12/20/2008 5:39:30 PM

you guys are all wrong the most retarded cause people fight for is at www.vhemt.org

Posted on 12/19/2008 1:31:17 PM

peta.com is a f****n bullshit dude bunch of f****n hypocrites

Posted on 12/19/2008 9:21:44 AM

Oh yeah also. If you had dyslexia you would struggle with reading AND writing. Are you sure you're not making this up or possibly confusing it with something else?

Posted on 12/18/2008 3:10:47 PM

Covertwalrus, Aspergers has nothing to do with dyslexia.
Duh.
(I know the guy below said it but I just wanted to show support lol)

Posted on 12/18/2008 3:08:24 PM

Asperger's isn't related to dyslexia...
Asperger's is like high, high functioning autism. It has nothing to do with dyslexia

Posted on 12/18/2008 10:48:21 AM

While not Asbergers, I do have the related condition of Dyslexia ( Yeah, as if you hadn't guessed from the typing ), and it has been hard for me to cope with many things - the attempts to 'cure' it by beatings and suggested lobotomy in the 1970s for instance.

But I have adapted to have a huge memory, some pretty astounding reading skills even if my writing sucks when I'm tired, and to have graduated university with two degrees and held jobs of technical natures.

There are worse causes to promote, true, abnd there are far better ones as well. Probably none on this list, with the possible exception of the Snake Rights movement - those suckers might attack unwary peopel, but in India, for on example, the protect crops from rodent infestation and as a bonus prevent Bubonic Plague outbreaks.

Posted on 12/15/2008 4:52:32 PM

what the f**k dude peta goes o f****n far year after year the sad part im a member but im not an extremist freak like the rest of those retards

Posted on 12/8/2008 8:29:00 AM

what's ass burgers?

Posted on 11/24/2008 9:17:40 AM

Oh My God...I like to play video games too! So by doing the math, I must have Aspergers!

No, wait. Damn, I did math. Never mind.

Posted on 11/23/2008 9:41:36 PM

Yes, I've Aspergers as well. Over time you learn what isn't accepted by normal society and you adapt. Behind closed doors is another matter.

Telling the world you have Aspergers in the manner of a pride movement is saying you're trying to prove to everyone that you can BS your way into a misdiagnosis.

Granted, some of us have what others term, strange habits, but for the most part when we obsess over something it's something normal. An engineer devoted wholeheartedly to engineering who has AS is a prime example. Me, I obsess over video games and the internet as I'm disabled. Still, these are normal activities.

Being a Star Trek geek doesn't automatically make you a candidate for AS. It DOES make you a candidate for misplaced priorities. I've yet to see or hear of an actual AS person taking Star Trek to that degree. Sure, there are fans that have AS, but they don't take it to the extreme.

Want to go around declaring you're an AS person so therefore all of your percieved idiocies can be done with ease? Fine, get a psychiatrist to declare you as such.

Posted on 11/22/2008 10:21:41 PM

I have Aspergers Syndrome and Its not nearly as debilatating as everyone says it is. I realized that reading naruto and picking my nose in public would not get me anywhere, so I adapted and now lead a normal life. I used to wish that I didn't have Aspergers but looking back now: the super powers wore so f*****g worth it :P

Posted on 11/21/2008 12:16:53 AM

Yea verily, self-diagnosed Asperger's is often just a euphemism for wilful reclusiveness, misanthropy, and the aforementioned dickishness. *Pause* Not that there's anything wrong with the first two...

Kozue: I'd sign up, but I'd dare say you'd have to cull at least half of the human race, and get your hands dirty with eugenics and whatnot. Not everybody goes for that kinda thing, the jellyspined cowards...(j/k, maybe)

Posted on 11/20/2008 3:24:52 AM

http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=03ef61cad8f151c515fc&page=1&viewtype=&category=mr

Posted on 11/19/2008 8:18:37 PM

The specific case that is most memorable to me was going for a GAP exchange just out of high school. My diagnosis was in my high school records, so the school told the company, and as a result none of the countries I wanted to go to would accept me. I was 17 at the time and it was hard to get over it.

Posted on 11/19/2008 7:07:24 PM

Wow. Who's up for a "Humans to restrict stupidity" movement??

Posted on 11/19/2008 12:36:50 PM

Sigma;

I too have had this problem; if you need any dispensation for any medical or personal reasons, then you have disclose it at application, pre-interview. and as a result....

Posted on 11/19/2008 8:46:29 AM

Sigma: Over here in a job app you usually have to disclose whether or not you have it so that that can be taken into account during the interview. I usually don't bother, as I believe that mine is mild enough to make any preferential treatment I recieve unfair. However there are those who have it worse than me who cannot pass for normal with effort, and thus must disclose that they have it.

Even though many businesses here claim to be equal opportunities employers, sadly there are always people who discriminate against others.

And before the naysayers say that I'm just another fake crawling out of the woodwork, I'll remind you that I recieved my diagnosis 7 years ago (when I was 13), which was a time when ADHD was the fashionable diagnosis, and not AS.

Luftwaffe: Neither AS nor ADHD is made up. However, they have, at one point or another, been fashionable to diagnose, so that people who don't have the disorders have been diagnosed anyway due to the doctors not being able to say "your kid's just an arsehole"

Posted on 11/19/2008 6:49:16 AM

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