Good news, everybody! Thanks to the sassy scholarship of Cracked historians, we've found the revised versions of some of history's greatest quotes.

Andy Warhol

In the future, everyone will think they deserve to be famous for at least 15 minutes. Probably longer. - Andy Warhol

Winston Churchill

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. And speeches so good they make the panties drop. - Winston Churchill

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Five. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Dalai Lama

B 133 My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. with a splash of knock-knock jokes. - The Dalai Lama

Thomas Edison

Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla. Thomas Edison ymwhite+ +e.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And starvation and the Nazis. FDR

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