A smartphone is like the new wallet, in that you can rifle through one quickly to see if its owner is a complete psychopath. And nowadays, phone apps have taken the place of such familiar billfold red flags as handcuff keys, bloody fingernails, baggies of horse tranquilizer, and Dave Matthews Band tickets.
So if you spy your loved ones using any of the following apps, change your name, take to the hills, and enjoy your new life as an old-timey jug merchant. Why? Because these apps let you ...
5 Comb Facebook for Awkward Sex
The biggest problem with Facebook is that it's difficult to completely alienate yourself from friends and family without the assistance of scotch and politics. But thanks to the app Bang With Friends -- which Apple has already banned -- you don't need these lubricants to reduce your social life to a flaming desert of ash speckled with oases of shit-filled magma.
"This is the way our friendship ends. Not with a bang."