4 Hilarious Moments of Animals Ruining a Sporting Event
Sports are a very human activity, but animals do try to join in from time to time. This usually results in a dead animal and a bunch of irritated humans who are now late for something.
A Bat Stops a Basketball Game
Somehow a bat found its way into the middle of a college basketball game, reducing a group of adult male athletes in peak physical condition to a bunch of terror-stricken cartoon characters.
If this had sound, we'd be on the hook for thousands of spit-damaged computer keyboards.
The game was stopped for several minutes while the players threw towels at the bat like old women in an instructional video about kitchen fires. Eventually, someone in the building who actually attended the classes he or she was enrolled in decided to turn off the lights, and the bat seized the opportunity to flap itself the hell out of there. Because for a creature that doesn't see well and relies primarily on enhanced hearing, being trapped in a basketball arena is a lot like getting caught in the center of a tornado while halogen spotlights burn your retinas from your skull.
Birds Routinely Get Killed by Balls
Randy Johnson, one of the fastest pitchers in the history of baseball, threw an absolute heater at home plate right as the serendipitous folds of the universe sent a dove flying through his line of fire, resulting in an explosion of feathers and presumably sending the bird itself back in time.
So many spectators lost eyes to wing shrapnel.
It's not just professionals putting birds on ice, either. This seagull was wandering through the greens of a golf course when a middle-aged woman killed it with the feeblest chip in history. Inexplicably, her friend says "Hurry up and take a picture!" as if she has somehow forgotten that death is forever.
Finally, this tennis player was about to return a volley when a tiny bird flung itself in front of him like Clint Eastwood in In the Line of Fire. The bird was given a proper send-off to honor its sacrifice.
The 21-gun salute killed a dozen herons.
A Caddie Fights an Alligator for a Ball
During the RBC Heritage tournament, golfer Brian Gay narrowly avoided hitting his ball into a water hazard, and instead landed it right next to 10 feet of ornery alligator. Gay immediately made up his mind to go nowhere near the prehistoric killer of men, but his caddie scooped up a sand rake and started jabbing the alligator in the face, presumably because Gay makes him pay for any balls they lose.
"A box of Titleist costs fifty fucking dollars. Get the hell out of here."
The gator finally left, and Gay was able to continue playing after a quick trip to the pro shop for a shot of whiskey and a pair of brown trousers.
A Dog Pees on a World Cup Star
During the pivotal quarterfinal match between England and Brazil in the 1962 World Cup, a small dog ran onto the field and was quickly apprehended by England player Jimmy Greaves. Unfortunately, Greaves made the tactical error of pointing the dog toward himself, allowing it to tan his jersey with a boiling stream of pee.
Because this was in the days before soccer could afford things like spare shirts or guarded entrances sophisticated enough to thwart loose dogs, Greaves was forced to play the rest of the game reeking like a whaling ship fire.