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29 Baffling Rules of Life in Video Game Universes

By:: Cracked Plasticians

March 26, 2014

There's a lot of belief to be suspended to convince us that an ape throwing barrels is the mortal enemy of an Italian plumber. But even so, there are some things about video games that we just can't get past.

We asked you to show us the things that, despite being in universes full of speedy hedgehogs and Custer's naked genitals, just don't make any sense. Winner got some gold coins or rupees or GIL or whatever ...

29 Entry by Hammerofdawn

You know YOU have the best architect in the world EE when You have to climb a pillar, run along the walls, shimmy across a ledge, jump and swing on a

28 Entry by Jim Avery

Navi Altack Low-level enemy: dead in 2 hits 02 Altack BO 20 10 Large boss enemy: dead in 8 hits 10 speak 29 19 10 Random weak NPC: dead in 38,401552 h

27 Entry by samshepherd

Resurrection Phials are cheap and freely available in all shops. Owned by none of your enemies. FABLE CRACKED COM

26 Entry by John Mulroy

Attention Have you just reached your weight limit and can't move properly? Thro1 W away a tiny sprig of wheat and you can sprint again. -Jarlgjaluind

25 Entry by S Peter Davis

Ah shit, there's a letter on the table. Guess I'll have to eat standing up.

24 Entry by fangurley

R 10 Can do everything paper can... 10 NICE Except catch on fire. CRACKED COM

23 Entry by vjludovico

SHOOTS OUT LIGHTS TO REMAIN HIDDEN ...HAS MORE LICHTS ON HIS OUTFIT THAN THE WHITE HOUsE XMAS CRACKED COM TREE.

22 Entry by goobdude

CRACKED. COM Can't support a human and fly CAN support a human and fly

21 Entry by Douglas A. McDonnell

Vacuum? No air? No problem! Water? No air? Problem!

20 Entry by MsMetal03

CRACKED co Can't make baby. Can't make baby. Can make baby.

19 Entry by DeanOfRhyme

...My forehead hurts. In a world where you can buy magic healing potions in every store, somehow being a Doctor is still a viable profession.

18 Entry by Hammerofdawn

That awkward moment when people stop talking and everybody becomes less beautiful.

17 Entry by Boud

BRING IT! RUN AWAY! CRACKEDOON

16 Entry by Foreverkul

Nukes, lasers and plasma weapons? No problem Deathclaw kills you in one hit

15 Entry by Daikataro

CRACKED COM You can run alongside a 90 flatrwall after hanging off a cliff no problem Just try not to fall from any where higher than 7 because that w

14 Entry by Hammerofdawn

Hacking a computer requires mastery of x0s a. Find a way wf3 x1z 38s b. Frogger EL 0NO C. Match up ona ilty Level ! d. Crossword puzzles CRACKED CON

13 Entry by 404notfound

GRACKEDOON UsES THIS TO FIGHT THESE

12 Entry by Edvamp

WE NEVER CLOSE! the bathroom or move...or cat...or go to CRACKED COM

11 Entry by Paka

OK- IT'S THEIR TURN TO ATTACK, SO NOBODY MOVE. HOPEFULLY WE'LL SURVIVE. THEN WE CAN ATTACK THEM. RACKEDCOM

10 Entry by Ted E.

SIMON BELMONT, renowned Vampire Hunter, must kill legendary COUNT DRACULA, whose only weaknesses are crosses, holy water, and daylight (and maybe garl

9 Entry by Hammerofdawn

Around 8, 00 000 people in the city, and nobody bothers to have kids anymore. rackae CRACKED COME

8 Entry by Jordan Rudow

Racetrack made of pure ice: perfectly dependable traction. 3/3 TiME O1'4727 LAP 7 2 WHLRSA 3 4 3rd Banana peel under your tires: guaranteed wipe out.

7 Entry by Hammerofdawn

Doesn't have enough strength to carry one more bread, but somehow manages to loot and carry thousands of gold coins: CRACKED COM

6 Entry by AndrewSafara

CRACKED.COM 387 1658 21314 169% BULL 367 88 1n AMMO HEALTH ARMS AMOR 600 The 90s: Yhen bullets travelled at infinite velocity, but directed energy wea

5 Entry by Superhero_Music

99 SUBPZERO DJU KANG FIGHT! NO VHE DEAWTH ---or Uil EiME FURs OUE CRACKED.COM

4 Entry by DarrenJames

I know that you're my Thane and also the new Arch Wizard of the college of Winterhold and therefore actually my boss. But I'm going to have to attack

3 Entry by themadtongue

NINJA SWIM TURTLE SWI NINTA TURTIE NO SWIM A Pts. 0037000 roh HI 006 1500 2I61 613

2 Entry by Hammerofdawn

Beats the everloving shit out of other gods, has trouble opening doors.

1 Entry by Camelslayer

WORLD IN PERIL SEND THEINEXPERIENCED KIDS TO SAVE IT

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