Yes, some very influential people believe that, just like in Independence Day, good science should be loud, explosive, and easily understood through very stupid metaphors.
It Can Be Surprisingly Dangerous
Christopher Furlong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
"The worst thing is the needles," Paul said. "We use needles every day for injecting cells or treatments into animals, and if the protocol doesn't require them to be anesthetized during this, they often squirm around, and we can miss injecting them."
Vit Kovalcik/iStock/Getty Images
And to anesthetize them, they'd still have to inject them, so they're screwed either way.
We think you know what's coming next: Paul becomes Cancer Man, with all the proportionate speed and strength of cancer!
Or, wait, maybe it's something not idiotic:
"Yes, we often inject ourselves with cancer. Surprisingly, this is not that dangerous, since injecting cancer into yourself will not give you cancer. Your body's immune system will fight foreign cancer immediately."
Real xenophobic, that body of yours.
"What do you need to worry about?" Paul went on. "Striking the bone with [big needles] or hitting the thumb in the knuckle. Because of the big needle going in and how the thumb is built, this can cause severe damage. Cancer researchers and anyone working with needles have had their thumbs or fingers amputated because of this.
"One colleague, when starting out, worked with a guy really into hitting weights," Dr. Ruth told us. "He didn't have the best coordination, though. When he tried to inject a mouse, it moved out of the way, causing the needle to go through the mouse's forearm, through the webbing between his thumb and index finger, and out. He was out for a few days, since animal blood in humans is pretty dangerous."
And it makes you smell like bacon to vampires.
So, at the end of the day, researchers want you to know that they're slowly defeating cancer, even if they can't give you a thumbs-up to confirm it.
Evan V. Symon is the interview finder guy at Cracked. If you have an awesome story idea for us, hit us up at email@example.com.
Now let's take a look at the folks on the other end of the spectrum in 6 People Who Died In Order To Prove A (Stupid) Point and 5 Things I Learned Cutting My Boobs Off To Avoid Cancer.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see why video game health care probably isn't all that different from the real world in The Insane World of Video Game Health Care, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook, because likes are like hugs. And 20 seconds of hugging has been proven to be therapeutic.
Have a story to share with Cracked? Email us here.