Unfortunately, Carly and Kelsey also have to deal with some awkward social problems, which no amount of marijuana -- medicinal or otherwise -- can alleviate ...
It Makes For A Problematic Love Life, And Lots Of Awkward Conversations
First of all, as thunderously unreliable as it is, the rhythm method is the only real form of contraception Kelsey can use outside of condoms. "I can't take birth control [pills] for other reasons, and because of my bi-gina, I can't have an IUD. It'd have to be specially made for my body type."
As you can imagine, this leads to some awkward moments on dates. The effect it can have on contraception and fertility is worth bringing up before sex happens, but the responses some men have to that revelation can kill the mood fast. "One person asked me 'Is it like having a threesome with one person?' I'm like, dude, you just ruined any chance you ever had of me having sex with you."
Paul Vasarhelyi/iStock/Getty Images"... Also, how the hell do you think a threesome works?"
Kelsey noted that it can also cause problems with the kind of men who don't "get" foreplay. So on the upside, it's a decent way of screening your partners for sexual competence. However, the downside is that it can be a painful screening process. "If you get it in the wrong [vagina], it hurts [because] one is kind of malformed. You can penetrate it, but it hurts really bad." This causes problem even in long-term relationships: "My partner and I were drunk once, and the ... logistics weren't helpful then, either. It went in the wrong one, and I was like 'WRONG HOLE,' and he thought I meant in my ass. So I had to be like, 'No, the other wrong hole!'"
Carly is married now, so she hopefully never has to explain herself again. But both of them still have to deal with the dumb questions of well-meaning people. "I've had people ask me so many weird questions, and too many of them tend to be creepy," Kelsey says. "When you tell guys, there's like this ... dull moment of incomprehension, and then a really strange mood takes over. Not just guys I'm dating, either. I had a platonic friend who told me out of the blue, 'I bet you could fit like, ten dicks in you.' I don't know if maybe [he thought] that was flirting? It didn't work. Another common question was, 'If we had a threesome, could you get pregnant from both of us?' And I'm like, 'Why would I want to have a threesome? Especially with you?'" She added that, "Men can't help but be creepy, because they always try to do it in some seductive way."
RTimages/iStock/Getty ImagesThough where he got the idea that multiple pregnancies were seductive is anybody's guess.
And yet women ask questions that are even worse. "A lot of women ask if they could touch it," says Kelsey. "Like my best friend, when I told her, she was like 'I WANT TO TOUCH IT' and I'm like 'OK, I'm cool with that. But why?' It was just something she'd never felt before, and she wanted to know what it was like." To be fair, if a guy you know confided that he had two fully-formed penises, you would immediately ask if you could A) see them, and B) if he were able to gyrate his hips in such a way to spin his twin genitals like dual helicopter blades. However, asking to touch your friend's abnormal private parts definitely crosses come kind of line.
In Carly's case, the questions got even more uncomfortably personal. "The weirdest question I get is, 'Did you eat your twin?' That one blows my mind. At least three people have asked me that in my life." If you're wondering this (And if so, WHY?) Dr. Ina assures us that neither vaginal septum nor uterus didelphys is caused by intrauterine cannibalism. Considering that this is the same medical mind which coined the phrase "double-barreled shotgun vagina," we feel confident in his conclusion.
Robert Evans runs the Personal Experience section of Cracked, and he has a Twitter.
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