And those are the screw-ups that we know about, which probably doesn't even cover half of it. As Mike explains: "If I get a DWI or anything, I have to report it to work, and I'll probably be sent on a 'vacation.' But it's up to me to report it. If I don't, and my employer does find out, my 'vacation' becomes a more permanent one."
School Buses See More Action Than Some Brothels
Andersen Ross/Blend Images/Getty Images
Alright, you probably knew this was coming eventually.
"Last year, we had two kids who were boyfriend and girlfriend orally pleasing each other, to put it kindly," Adam says. "There was even a camera on them! They'd put a blanket over themselves, and on the camera, you can see how suddenly her head just went down ..." Not that adults are any better. During off hours, Mike's company rents out their buses to people who are too cheap to spring for the stretch Hummer. And because people are terrible, their primary response to being given access to something intended for children is to whip out their genitals.
"One time, I was driving for a high school reunion and taking the people home after," Mike says. "Everyone was drunk, and I just looked up and managed to see this one woman's ankles up on top of the seat. I thought she was just passed out or something. Then I saw a bunch of cell phone lights come up and realized she definitely wasn't ... It's happened at least twice on private runs."
"Sorry, kids. We gotta wait for the Hazmat Team to get here."
And yes, those buses are the same ones that later take your kids to school -- hopefully after a thorough wipe-down and a long cry for humanity in the shower. "There is not enough disinfectant," Mike says. We say that's the understatement of the fucking century, so maybe you should buy your kid's bus driver a Christmas present this year. A crate of Purell would be nice.
Remind Manna about things on Twitter. Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
For more insider perspectives, check out Kids Want To Finger Your Butt: Adventures In Teaching Abroad and 5 Shocking Realities Of Working With Disturbed Children.
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