And then it was done. You can go browse other people's pics of freshly cut and stitched cocks if you like, as well as photos of detached foreskins. Carl's liberated prepuce was enormous and looked like a lobster. "I thought (this was an ego trip), 'all of that was far too tight for my penis, my penis must be huge!'" He should have taken it with him. "It would've easily made a romantic necklace or something."
He was sent home with a grim parody of the famous Viagra warning: He had to call his doctor if the penile bleeding persisted for four hours or more. And sure enough, after four hours, he was still bleeding -- a blood vessel was blocked, and the area around the frenulum had swelled up even bigger than the glans. So he rushed back to Dr. Hair Plugs for another few snips before getting ready to recover for real.
Next Comes Blood and Pain
g-stockstudio/iStock/Getty Images, Igor Ivanov/iStock/Getty Images
A bandage covered Carl's entire penis, with a skewed opening for urine, so he had to pee through the bandage. His penis festered in a bloody, pus-covered, piss-soaked rag for the first days, during which he couldn't shower. Each step hit his dick head like a finger-snap to the balls. He tried different types of underwear. All hurt, though boxers were better. He could shower after those first days, but he had to keep the water from striking the penis directly. Occasionally, he'd lose concentration, turn to his armpits or something, and steam would hit the shrieking glans with a force like a thousand suns.
After some healing, the circumcised penis felt fine, so long as it hit nothing -- unless it went erect. Then it was abject torture. Nighttime boners are totally involuntary, so three times a night, Carl would awaken in agony and gaze in despair at his throbbing member. Waking erections are easier to battle, but still an obstacle. "It makes you realize that you can't avoid sex on media," he says. "TMZ Live might as well have been porn."
Scott Morrish/iStock/Getty Images
Like being in seventh grade all over again, but with the giggling girls replaced with searing, dick-melting agony.
The doctor's orders were to abstain from masturbation for four weeks and from sex for six. Carl heard of one man who tried masturbating after ten days; the results apparently put Carl's own agony to shame. By the end of the period, Carl did indeed masturbate as scheduled. He got some lube (a new experience -- he hadn't needed that for jacking off pre-circumcision; now "If I'm going to do it, I have to commit"). And he let loose, scoring the greatest orgasm of his life. "I feel confident I could meet another adult circumcision survivor," he says "and have the following conversation: 'That first time, ey?' *raised eyebrow, sly smile, slight head nod*."
*Discreetly choke a rubber chicken*
Carl has a visible scar line. His frenulum area is oddly shaped, and there's a "weird lump on it that looks bad (STD bad)," a result of the initial complication. But he's all right now. He can have sex normally. He uses condoms just fine. There is no pain.
So if you or someone you love is suffering from a junk-related disorder, for the love of god, don't let the awkwardness of the subject deter you from getting help. Society's prudishness about genitals is a horrible reason to have to endure physical torture every time the lights go out. Flop out your junk and start that conversation today.
Manna discusses genitals in every imaginable condition on Twitter. Menezes tweets about genitals as well but usually in code.
For more insider perspectives, check out 5 Awful Realities of Having Size JJ Boobs in Sixth Grade and 6 Awful Lessons I Learned Transitioning from Female to Male.
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