The 15 Most Perverted Works of Classical Art

The 15 Most Perverted Works of Classical Art

Some might say it’s love or duty or even art, but what really unites humanity across time and space is that we’re all nasty little freaks. From the time the first caveman recognized that little tingle under his loincloth when his favorite cavelady bent over to hoist up that wildebeest carcass, the urge to scratch that itch has driven pretty much all of our behavior, which is why we’re such a successful species. Suck it, pandas.

So naturally, when we decided those cave walls could use a little flair, one of the first things we did was draw a bunch of dicks all over it. That shout into the cock void has echoed throughout history right up through to today, when outright waving your hog around can be considered art if you do it pretentiously enough. What a beautiful world we’ve made. So continue reading below for more nasty art, but make sure your mom isn't in the room first. 

Beware of Mule

CRACKED MEDIEVAL ANTI-TRESPASSING SIGNS THREATENED DONKEY RAPE. They were the era's beware of dog signs, though they were much more explicit about what they intended to order their pet to do to you. They're sometimes called ass-curse stones, which somehow sounds more innocent.


It’s What He Would Have Wanted

CRACKED THE STOIVADEION IS A COCK TEMPLE. It's actually a Dionysian temple, and if you know anything about Dionysus, you'll understand why its pillars are each topped with massive hogs, and not of the bacon variety.


Maybe That’s Why It Exploded

CRACKED POMPEII WAS FULL OF DICKS. The sculptures were locked away for centuries by an embarrassed king, but in 2000, the world got its first glimpse of the ancient city's dick wind chimes, among other works.


Caves in Caves

CRACKED THE OLDEST CAVE ART IS A BUNCH OF VAGINAS. Chauvet Cave contains your standard depictions of animals and shapes but also just a ton of vulvae, plus the back end of a horse for good measure.


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