40 Aloof Bits of Trivia That Don’t Notice That They’re the Only Facts in Your Brain’s House Party With Their Shoes Still On

The Russian Mafia Kidnapped the Bananas in Pyjamas and Held Them for $100,000 Ransom

43 Random Bits of Trivia That Have Been Waiting Patiently for Their Appointment With Your Cerebral Cortex

42 Tactless, Downright Insensitive Moments From Pop Culture’s Past

12 Elves and the Worst Workshop Accident They’ve Seen

23 Jokes We Wish We Could Give ‘That Was a Good Joke’ Trophies To

Bum-dum-tss

23 Jokes We Wish We Could Give ‘That Was a Good Joke’ Trophies To

August 01, 2023

Watch your back Oscars! We’ve forged a solid gold “That Was a Good Joke” trophy to distribute in recognition of all the pretty good jokes out there. It’s solid gold, and definitely not a block of wood spray-painted a slightly off-yellow color. Congratulations to all the comedians who will be receiving one today, we hope it will be placed in a position of honor among any other awards you may have received.

23

Chris Rock

Chris Rock CRACKED.COM You don't need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars... You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thou- sand dollars there would be no more in- nocent bystanders. In a hilarious piece of social commentary, this joke on his 1999 special, Bigger & Blacker came just a few months after the Columbine shooting, and a recent spike in nation- wide gun violence. — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

22

Tina Fey

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. Tina Fey — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

21

Maria Bamford

Maria Bamford Bong ercer TS Bi CRACKED.COM I think before giving me a credit card, they should have given me a math test. A series of story prob- lems. If Maria's boyfriend is in a folk band but he only smokes pot every other day, what percentage of the rent will he be able to contribute? Now I thought 50%. But the answer is zero. A calculator for hypotheti- cals... I'll take two! — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

20

Wanda Sykes

Wanda Sykes CRACKED.COM I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange pant- ies in my dog's house. Good boy. — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

19

George Carlin

George Carlín CRACKED.COM Electricity is really just organized lightning. Imagining lighting shuf- fling itself into an orga- nized little stream for our Vitamix is just fun (and smart). — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

18

Jerry Seinfeld

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM The Swiss Army. Never been involved in a war in 200 years. It's a lucky thing. Did you ever see this little Swiss Army knife? Corkscrews, bottle opener, nail file. You don't want to go to war with this little thing. Jerry Seinfeld — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

17

Sarah Silverman

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM I can't wait till Sunday. I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece. Sarah Silverman — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

16

Chevy Chase

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM The post office is issuing a stamp commemorating prostitution in the United States. It's a 10-cent stamp, but if you lick it, it's a quarter. Chevy Chase with writer Alan Zweibel — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

15

John Mulaney

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM I'm like an iPhone. It's going to be worse versions of this every year, plus I get super hot in the middle of the afternoon for no reason. John Mulaney — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

14

Steven Wight

Steven Wright CRACKED.COM I've been getting into astronomy so I in- stalled a skylight. The people who live above me are furious. Neil deGrasse Tyson would be proud. — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

13

Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield CRACKED.COM I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toast- er and a radio. Норе- fully there were some sweet tunes on that ra- dio. — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

12

Richard Pryor

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings. And lawyers. Richard Pryor — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

11

Maria Bamford

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM I've never really thought of myself as depressed as much as paralyzed by hope. Maria Bamford — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

10

Rodney Dangerfield

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM My mother never breast-fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. Rodney Dangerfield — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

9

George Carlin

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM Atheism is a non- prophet organization. George Carlin — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

8

Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks CRACKED.COM People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Ken- nedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a Presi- dent and the hijacking of our govern- ment by a totalitarian regime - who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares? From his 1993 album (eerily titled) Revelations one year before he passed away. — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

7

Bob Saget

Bob Saget CRACKED.COM I told my girlfriend. Tonight when I come home, I wanna make love to you badly, and she said, 'At least you don't overestimate yourself. Just a quick one. The joke. The joke was a quick one. Thanks, Bob - RIP. — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

6

Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer CRACKED.COM I usually feel pretty good about myself. I know what I look like. You'd bang me, but you wouldn't blog about it. You won't be Twittering You won't believe who I'm inside. It's fine. Guys... Totally got laid last night. By who? It's not import- ant. — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

5

Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg CRACKED.COM I like vending machines... because snacks are better when they fall. If I go buy a candy bar in a store, often times I will drop it, so it reaches it's maximum flavor potential. Isaac Newton would agree. — Source: 15 More Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

4

Aziz Ansari

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM I'm not going to have any struggles to tell my kids about. What's my story going to be like? 'Ah, son, once, when I was flying from New York to L.A., my iPad died!' Aziz Ansari — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

3

Chris Rock

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to S---. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a f--- lactose intolerance? Chris Rock — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

2

Amy Schumer

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM My mom's always saying really smart things, like, 'Why buy the cow when the milk has HPV?' Wish I'd listened to that one. Amy Schumer — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

1

Ali Wong

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM People ask me how on Earth do you balance work and career? Men never get asked that question because they don't. Ali Wong — Source: 14 Jokes That Belong In The Comedy Hall Of Fame

Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

Movies & TV

Festivus and 5 Other Holidays Invented By Sitcoms

Movies & TV

The ‘Simpsons’ Staff Freaked Out Over This Guest Star More Than Any Other

Science & History

40 Random Bits of History That, Like Your Therapist, Unearth All Kinds of Forgotten Happenings

Trivia & Jokes

12 Trivia Tidbits for a Date That’s Not Going Well

Trivia & Jokes

36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, December 2, 2024

Comedy

Ben Stiller and Adam Scott to Launch the World’s Most Premature Rewatch Podcast

VIRAL ON CRACKED

1

5 World-Changing Geniuses (Who Got Robbed Of All The Credit)

2

21 Celebs Who Made Oh-So-Random Purchases

3

Ricky Gervais Says That David Bowie Calling Him A ‘Chubby Little Loser’ Was One of the Greatest Moments of His Life

4

36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, December 2, 2024

5

The Medieval Jail Cell That Makes U.S. Prisons Seem Downright Swedish