20 Mean Movie Bullies (Who'd Wedgie Us Seeing This List)

Evil takes a human form (complete with fists) in these.
20 Mean Movie Bullies (Who'd Wedgie Us Seeing This List)

Bullies: Their brains are literally small and you can beat them by living your best life. We’ve discussed bullying here at Cracked, particularly the experience of being bullied and how the trope can and has found a new life. Moreover, we’ve also done our fair share of bullying, particularly aimed at the current manifestation of the archetype. This is the cry-bully: the professionally mean person whose entire shtick is based on them always having to be the victim. Such disingenuous lameness is just asking to be silenced inside a locker — so this is not what we’re talking about here.

In this Pictofact, we honor the only interesting bullies, that is, fictional bullies. In real-life, punching up is not bullying but self-defense, and so, erm, something something guillotine, whatever. So we’re focusing on movie bullies, and we’ve gathered the cream of the crop. Really, we’d like to put them all in a room and see what happens. Will they bully each other for bullying supremacy in a whole Bully Royale? Will they team up and, erm — wait, what kind of things does bullying do when it becomes an institutional logic? Oh, right. Anyway, we now discuss 20 mean movie bullies, who would probably read this intro and leave really cruel comments, because that sweet cruelty-driven dopamine fix ain’t gonna squirt itself, you know?

Biff Tannen from 'Back to the Future'

Movie Bullies Back to the Future BIFF TANNEN We could easily include every Tannen here: The Donald Trump-like, parallel universe butthole, Buford Mad Dog Tannen, everyone. We're going with Biff Tannen, though, who tries to molest Lorraine. Good job putting him in his place, George! You ever think of running for class president? CRACKED.COM

Regina George from 'Mean Girls'

Movie Bullies Mean Girls REGINA GEORGE A BIT LITTLE RAMATIC Evil takes a human form in Regina George. She is the meanest of the mean girls: she's manipulative, self- entitled, cruel, two-faced-and she knows it. Writing mean stuff about herself in the burn book in order to frame the Plastics? Come on, it doesn't take Freud to see Regina is a walking call for help. CRACKED.COM

Scut Farkus from 'A Christmas Story'

Movie Bullies A Christmas Story SCUT FARKUS This little redheaded snot scares Ralphie and his friends with his braces, cackling laugh, and terrifying yellow eyes. Ralphie eventually snaps and kicks the freckles out of Scut, because a man can only take so much. That is the true meaning of Christmas, kids: bloody vengeance. CRACKED.COM

Sin Phillips from 'Toy Story'

Movie Bullies Toy Story SID PHILLIPS Yes, we know Sid also cameos in the sequels and stuff, but we're going with the OG 1995 Sid. Before his traumatizing encounter with sentient toys, he was gleefully torturing and experimenting on them. Perhaps the revelation changed him (we hope so), but more importantly, doesn't he look like Home Alone's Buzz? We may be onto something here. CRACKED.COM

George Tooney from 'Mean Creek'

Movie Bullies Mean Creek GEORGE TOONEY Josh Peck (yes, nerdy and adorable Josh from Drake & Josh) plays the messed-up bully in this forgotten but powerful 2004 drama. Now, Mean Creek is serious stuff, so instead of spoiling what happens to his character George, let's just take a moment to, erm, say a big, non-ironic no to bullying, everyone. CRACKED.COM

Courtney Shayne in 'Jawbreaker'

Movie Bullies Jawbreaker COURTNEY SHAYNE Jawbreaker is the Scream/Heathers mash-up we never knew we needed, and Rose McGowan is iconic as Courtney. She's petty and self-obsessed, willing to hide a murder and socially profit from it - and way ahead of her time. Seriously, just imagine Courtney's Instagram. She'd go from #blessed to the subject of a true crime podcast in no time. CRACKED.COM

Steff McKeen from 'Pretty in Pink'

Movie Bullies Pretty in Pink STEFF McKEE James Spader is mean sexiness incarnated, but this character is just too much. After being rejected by perfect human Molly Ringwald, Steff becomes bitter and cruel, and begins getting everyone to hate her for daring to have wants of her own. Today he'd have his own anti-feminist YouTube channel. Back in the '80s, we just considered him a loser. CRACKED.COM

Rizzo from 'Grease'

Movie Bullies Grease RIZZO Female high-school bullies in movies are usually wealthy and goody-tushus. The Pink Ladies, however, are hard-drinking, hard-partying, hard-boinking badasses. For all the coolness of non-hypocritical mean girls, however, Betty Rizzo is particularly mean (before the pregnancy scare, that is). Seriously, her putting on a wig to make fun of Sandy? Damn, Rizzo, harsh. Stockard Channing is amazing, though. CRACKED.COM

Nancy Downs from 'The Craft'

Movie Bullies The Craft NANCY DOWNS At first, Christine Taylor's Laura is the movie's main bully (besides also being racist, which is truly going out of your way to suck). But then the awesome Fairuza Balk gets black magic powers and perfect eyeliner technique, and she gets revenge while ruining everyone else in her way. Nancy is vindictive, insecure, cruel-just a good ol' psycho. CRACKED.COM

Marianne Bryant fom 'Easy A'

Movie Bullies Easy A MARIANNE BRYANT If anybody ever dares doubt Amanda Bynes' comedic talent, show them Easy A and watch them drown in regret. Marianne is a bully, duh, but she's the worst kind: a Christian cry-bully. It's all about morals and saving souls and the usual excuses to enjoy the cruelty of moral superiority. Because it's like Jesus said: make up rumors to hurt people. CRACKED.COM

The Heathers from 'Heather'

Movie Bullies Heathers THE HEATHERS Listen, we could talk-trash this clique of high- fashion bullies, but if you're named Heather, you're cute, and you meet another group of cute girls named Heather, you just have to become a bully. Sorry, but we don't make the high school movie rules. Don't go dishing out poison or explosives, thought. That is for the real bully of the story.. CRACKED.COM

Chris Hargensen from 'Carrie'

Movie Bullies Carrie CHRIS HARGENSEN First of all, Nancy Allen is an icon who deserves way more love. Second, her portrayal of Carrie's bully Chris is terrifying. Chris is popular, and uses her influence to haunt the sad loner, even giggling at the idea of throwing pig blood on her. Who does that, Chris? Anyway, Carrie got her payback, alright. CRACKED.COM

Fred O'Bannion from 'Dazed and Confused'

Movie Bullies FAH Q IF 1 I BOOMER and A Dazed and Confused FRED O'BANNION Kickstarting the Ben Affleck smirking douchebaggily genre, his role in Richard Linklater's 1993 classic indie comedy gave the bully archetype a surprising psychosexual complexity. Fred, anything you want to talk to a therapist about? What is it with you and that butt paddle, dude? CRACKED.COM

Tracy Flick from 'Election'

Movie Bullies Election TRACY FLICK PICK Can we re-evaluate Tracy as the victim of patriarchal power imbalances and acknowledge her as a two-faced sociopath? Sure we can. The human mind can uphold seemingly contradicting ideas as easily as Tracy lies, threatens, and manipulates people driven by her power-hungry ruthlessness. We're sure she's thriving in Washington. CRACKED.COM

Draco Malfoy from 'Harry Potter'

Movie Bullies Harry Potter DRACO MALFOY Draco is a major d-bag, but he really gets going in Chamber of Secrets. Не brags about his wealth, throws around racist insults, and runs away like a coward when confronted, like . And while we're at it, he also bullies trans peopl- поре, wait, we're mixing up our cartoonishly evil Potterverse villains here, sorry. CRACKED.COM

Chet Donnelly in 'Weird Science'

Movie Bullies Weird Science CHET DONNELLY As Wyatt's army LARPer older brother, Chet nags him, harasses him, suppresses him, keeps him in fear, and extorts money from him, all the while cackling like a natural-born bully. Не even acknowledges he gets off from being a wanker after daring to disrespect Kelly LeBrock. Truly, nobody plays d-bags like Bill Paxton. CRACKED.COM

Buzz from 'Home Alone'

Movie Bullies Home Alone BUZZ Buzz triggers serious memories of mean older brothers everywhere. Kevin just wants to hang out with him, and Buzz pushes him around, treats him like trash, and is generally just mean. Still, Buzz recently got his comeuppance by the scariest bully of them all: lame Disney sequels. CRACKED.COM

Whitney and Courtney from 'Bring It On'

Movie Bullies Bring It On WHITNEY AND COURTNEY Played with just perfect comedic delivery by Nicole Bilderback and Clare Kramer, Whitney and Courtney are a terrifying bullying couple. They gleefully step in when Torrance falls from the captain spot, and have the most quotable lines. The Plastics wish they were this mean. CRACKED.COM

Brandon McCarthy from 'Welcome to the Dollhouse'

Movie Bullies Welcome to the Dollhouse BRANDON McCARTHY Todd Solondz's classic indie film is pure dark comedy bleakness, no wacky hijinks here. Brendan Eugene Sexton III plays a troubled kid who threatens protagonist Dawn with, erm, abuse - but once he has her alone, actually ends up opening up to her. It's all very sad, in a why am I watching a Todd Solondz movie? kind of way. CRACKED.COM

Henry Bowers from 'It'

Movie Bullies It: Chapter 1 HENRY BOWERS There's high school bullies, and then there's evil sociopaths like knife-wielding Henry over here. Yes, Henry's family life isn't good, But the movie (and Stephen King's original novel) clearly hints at something being very, very wrong within his psyche. It's not like Pennywise finds it difficult to get to him. CRACKED.COM
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