In retrospect, we should make fun of songs more. So we are using this time to stop and consider “Wait, why did this song ever make it to the radio? Why do they still play this song on radio stations? How did this song even get made?” Maybe culture has changed, or perhaps we never paid that much attention to the song lyrics when they first came out. But we are here to right our past wrongs and speak out against these terrible songs. And these aren’t throwaway b-side songs but promoted singles that someone somewhere along the line of production should have had second thoughts about. 

 We included two John Mayer songs because his lyrics are rough even though he continues to be celebrated. Sure, he’s a great guitar player, but his lyrics are clearly not considered. (For example, “Why You No Like Me” is the title of a real, actual John Mayer song).

"Untitled" - Simple Plan

CRACKED.COM Untitled SIMPLE PLAN, 2005 This is the most entitled whine of a song. How could this happen to me? immediately answers itself with the following line I've made my mistakes. So we're supposed to feel bad for you for living with the consequences of your actions? The band and video say the song was about drinking and driving ... which living with the guilt of causing an accident is definitely a sad thesis for a song, but whining about why me? is absurd.

"The Freshmen" - The Verve Pipe

CRACKED.COM The Freshmen THE VERVE PIPE, 1997 The 90s were full of men singing about abortion (Brick, Slide, What It's Like) which...way to make that experience about you? But none cause quite as much cringe as this song with lyrics like Can't be held responsible/She was touching her face. So he assumes no resposibility for his part in the pregnancy, but he's still going to make money off the song about someone else's abortion? Cool, cool, cool.

"Daughters" - John Mayer

CRACKED.COM Daughters JOHN MAYER, 2003 This incredibly patronizing, anti-feminist song won a Grammy for Song of the Year. Mayer is basically whining about dating women with daddy issues, asking parents to be good to their daughters so they aren't mean when he wants to sleep with them! It's alright to abuse boys though, he claims, as Boys, you can break /You find out how much they can take / Boys will be strong / And boys soldier on. A real feel good tune.

"Waiting on the World to Change" - John Mayer

CRACKED.COM Waiting on the World to Change JOHN MAYER, 2006 John Mayer won a Grammy for this song about how political apathy is cool. In his follow-up single Belief he really doubles down on apathy again (which received a Grammy nom) opening with Is there anyone who / Ever remembers changing their mind from /The paint on a sign? Gen Z and younger should 100 percent blame us for the state of the world.

"The Impression That I Get" - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

CRACKED.COM The Impression That I Get THE MIGHTY MIGHTY BOSSTONES, 1997 Ska music isn't exactly known for its lyricism but with gems like I've never had to knock on wood / But I know someone who has, the Bosstones reached new levels of cringe. It's an inspirational song about overcoming struggle, even though the narrator admits they've never been through anything difficult. But hey, they've met one person who has had a hard life, so that's worth profiting off of.

"Stupid Girls" - P!NK

CRACKED.COM Stupid Girls PINK, 2006 This song was strangely considered feminist at the time of the release, even though all it does it put down other women instead of criticizing the societal expectations that réwards women for sexualizing themselves. In the music video, Pink directly makes fun of her peers, including eating disorders and being a victim of revenge porn. A true I'm not like those girls anthem of the time.

"Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous Song" - Good Charlotte

CRACKED.COM Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous GOOD CHARLOTTE, 2002 For their second studio album, Good Charlotte complains about famous people complaining, All they do is piss and moan / Inside the Rolling Stone / Talkin' about how hard life can be. It's interesting that this single launched them into becoming the rich and famous. (Hey, at least they preemptively gave us permission to rob them.) Joel Madden ended up marrying Simple Life's Nicole Richie, whose public persona embodies the song.

"Girl" - Beck

CRACKED.COM Girl BECK, 2006 The lyrics include And I know I'm gonna make her die/Take her where her soul belongs. Although it sounds like my sun-eyed girl, you can also hear my cyanide girl which is smart but way creepier than the upbeat song suggests. When 137 women per day die due to domestic partner violence, maybe that brand of cleverness isn't necessary. And no, we're not just bitter over the MAD magazine tribute in the music video.

"I Don't Mind" Usher

CRACKED.COM I Don't Mind USHER, 2014 VIDEO MUSIC WARDS I would be very excited for a song supporting sex workers. However, the execution is hilarious, with lyrics like Shawty, I don't mind if you dance on a pole/ That don't make you a ho. It's like writing a song about cops that goes I don't mind that you put on the blue, that doesn't make you a stinky pig, beau. If you really didn't mind, you wouldn't need to write the song.

"Do They Know It's Christmas?" - Band Aid

CRACKED.COM Do They Know It's Christmas? BAND AID, 1984 This supergroup song (featuring Boy George, George Michael, Sting, etc) recorded to raise money for a famine in Ethiopia (caused mostly by governmental failure, not lack of precipitation as the song describes). It paints a monolithic portrait of Africa as a desperate wasteland. There is truly no funnier line that Bono singing Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you. Maybe ask God that it's not them either?

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